The Things We Carry

[Chirakis 1]

For the common soldier, at least, war has the feel - the spiritual texture - of a great ghostly fog, thick and permanent. There is no clarity. Everything swirls. The old rules are no longer binding, the old truths no longer true. Right spills over into wrong. Order blends into chaos, love into hate, ugliness into beauty, law into anarchy, civility into savagery. The vapors suck you in. You can't tell where you are, or why you're there, and the only certainty is overwhelming ambiguity.

~The Things They Carried~ Tim O'Brien

 

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Time suspended in the stillness of the captain’s office on Sky Harbor Aegis. Kirel Chirakis stared at the man she thought she knew, the one she thought she understood. In actuality, what she knew was but a shadow and in that instance of understanding she realized she would never know the fullness of the being known to her as Jerit d’Ka, Captain of Starfleet’s premiere border patrol vessel, the USS Missouri, and her bondmate by destiny. Forged in the fires of uncertainty and tempered on an anvil of war, their bond had endured thus far, and thus it would remain.

 

“You knew it would happen,” she said, at a loss to explain her calm amid the roiling turmoil within her. “You watched.”

 

“I did.”

 

“And you did nothing.”

 

D’Ka’s expression held a hidden torment, his eyes violet with anger, despair, or both. The usual psionic bond he shared with her had been withdrawn -- absent throughout their conversation. Kirel had wondered why. Until now.

 

“Missouri was not there,” he said after a long pause, his voice strained, “instructed by Starfleet to refrain from contact. I watched events unfold through a psionic connection to Captain d’Rin of the Sindarin starship Athicus. For reasons of his own, he shadowed them into the system, and he did not guard his thoughts. Whether intentional or not, he projected his experiences to me. They were uncontrollably painful; in essence, I was there.”

 

The Sindar captain paused, hesitant. “He should not have interfered. Despite the danger, despite their dire need... d’Rin should not have interfered.”

 

“Yet, had he not interfered they would have died. To the last man.”

 

“Possibly. And their vessels destroyed, leaving no trace.”

 

His body sank wearily into the chair; his gaze wandered through the window to the USS Missouri at her mooring, its presence dwarfing the other vessels in size, magnificence, and power. His voice dropped to a whisper.

 

“As does Starfleet, the Sindar have a code of noninterference, the Sindar code taking precedence. As a Starfleet officer I am held to both codes. D’Rin has only the Sindar code; he has no conflict in his decisions. Therein lies the conundrum. I am both thankful and troubled by his actions.

 

“The Sindar are a people of peace, and yet we built starships of immense destructive power: irreconcilable opposites.

 

“Long ago we thought ourselves invincible. We were nearly destroyed by our hubris and were drawn unwillingly into war. There is always someone more powerful, Thytrin.* Always. Or someone more cunning. It was a lesson learned... at great price. My wife... our children. And so we built ships of war for protection. Ships of destruction that would guarantee our peace.”

 

One hand waved listlessly at the ship.

 

“I am a man of peace, and yet Missouri’s fighter bays are lined with swift, sure, accurate instruments of destruction manned by the most elite pilots. Its batteries are stocked with unimaginable munitions. We have weapons and devices aboard of which only I and Lei’ri* are aware. Starfleet patrols its borders for protection, for peace, and yet the ship I command was built for one thing, and one thing only.”

 

His glance implored a response, perhaps an answer to the paradox.

She had none to give.

He turned away.

 

“You know how psionically powerful we are, Thytrin.* One thought unguarded could destroy every being within this station, or at the very least it would drive them mad. Such power should never have been granted by the One that rules the universe. The Sindar guard it as a sacred trust and allow only the most reticent to leave the confines of our system. In saving those we both hold dear he violated that sacred trust; it may not go unpunished.”

 

The veil of burden lifted, d’Ka shook off the past and continued their previous conversation as though it had never been interrupted. “So. Am I able to answer your questions? Of course. Will I? I will answer some, not all.

 

“Yes, the rebels have a very powerful weapon, the nature and source of which I can honestly say I do not know.

 

“Are there other cells?” He shrugged lightly. “Where there is one you can be sure there are others; such is the case with invasive weeds, is it not? They spread their tendrils; they sow their seeds in the wind; they climb your walls and ramparts, work their roots into the smallest crevasse, then grow and feed off that which you built to protect your people.

 

“Is there High Council involvement? That, and the possibility of Starfleet involvement, is something you must investigate yourselves.”

 

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*Lei’ri: Executive Officer of USS Missouri, species unknown.

*Thytrin: A term of endearment used between bondmates.