Ghosts from the Past

[Nicolas Lepage 0]

Kestra tilted her head slightly as she paused outside Simon’s door. He was inside; she could sense his presence. It was nice to feel something familiar on the ship, even if he wasn't her first choice. Her hand reached for the chime panel and she pressed it lightly, waiting for a response.

 

Simon sat at his desk. He jumped a bit as he heard the door chime. He thought he knew who it was and he wasn't quite sure he was happy to meet her again. She had always had a way to make him feel...well vulnerable. "Come," he finally said.

 

Kestra took a slight breath and walked inside. Her eyes swept the room, falling on Simon as she stepped forward. "I heard you were on board and I thought I’d stop by. It's been so long ..." She spoke easily, offering him a smile.

 

Simon’s gaze met hers and he smiled trying to hide his uncertainty. His heart started beating faster. He had forgotten just how beautiful she was. "Yeah it's been a while,” Simon said, getting up. “How have you been?"

 

Kestra’s smile widened a bit, amused at his uneasiness. "I've been good, mostly looking forward to coming on board here. Congratulations on the chief medical position by the way. I shouldn't have been surprised by it really."

 

"Yeah I worked hard." The expression on Simon’s face darkened a bit. "I somehow knew you'd haunt me. How did you end up on this...errr... flying junkyard?" She shrugged. "Same as anyone else here I suppose. And .. haunt you?" The smile faded from Kestra’s face. He obviously wasn't as happy to see her. "Look Simon, we're on the same ship, we're going to have to work together. I can try and stay out of your way if that's what you want." She waited for his answer patiently. Was that really what he wanted?

 

Simon sighed, no trace of the smile left on his face. "Let's sit down." He indicated the sofa and sat down on it, not waiting for Kestra. "I'm not sure what I want, Kes. You know me." He leaned back and closed his eyes. "Maybe that's the problem," he added.

 

She followed him to the sofa and sat facing him, one leg folded under her. "Yeah, I do know you." His confusion was washing over her, distracting her. "I knew you wanted to be the chief medical specialist on a ship," she said quietly. "And look at you, here you are."

 

Simon exhaled audibly and opened his eyes to look at Kestra. God, how he wanted to reach out and kiss her like he'd done so many times before. He tried to focus his thoughts on the conversation, something he didn't find easy. "Yes, here I am. My whole family hates me for it and you..." his voice trailed off. He didn't want to admit just how strong his feelings for her still were.

 

Rather than feeling uncomfortable, Kes was flattered by the thought that he was still attracted to her. "We all make choices. Are you on speaking terms with any of them? I know they hate me but there was nothing I could do about it." And I'm not sorry about it either, she thought to herself. "I haven't talked to my mother in several years now. I don't know if we'll ever talk to each other again." She said the last statement without feeling, refusing to think about those people back on Earth that she had once called family.

 

Simon raised his eyebrows. "Well it would look strange if a Starfleet Captain like my dad...the great Captain Ljungberg... spoke to a rebel like me," he said matter-of-factly. There was no bitterness behind his words considering that his parents had messed up his whole childhood. But Kestra knew about it all and he didn't want to pursue the subject. What he really wanted to find out now was where each of them was standing and how they would handle the new situation. " Kes, I...we need to talk about what's going to happen next."

 

She smiled at him again. "And what exactly do you think is going to happen next Simon?" He looked at her pleadingly and groaned. "Don't do that to me Kes." Shifting slightly, Kestra moved to stand up. "Maybe we should talk later. We've both got work to focus on. I've still got some unpacking to do before I start my next shift." She paused for a moment, looking at him. "I didn't come here to make things difficult, you know."

 

Simon didn't get up. He just looked at her. "Damn it! That's not what I meant. Kes, I...ever since we broke up I've been thinking about you. And now you walk in here like nothing ever happened," he grew agitated and got up to move closer to her. "You...I...we should really talk and I think we should do it now." Simon resisted the urge to reach out for her hand and just stood there looking at Kes instead.

 

She didn't back away. "There isn't much to talk about, Simon. You know how I feel. I came here because they needed an OPS officer, not because of you." Simon got frustrated. "No, Kes I do not know how you feel. I'm not even sure I know how I feel about it."

 

“Listen Simon, there was a reason why our relationship didn’t work out.” Kestra didn’t move back to the sofa but just stood there. Simon tried hard to hide his disappointment but he was sure that if Kestra couldn’t see it in his eyes she would certainly sense it. He waited a moment before speaking again. “Before you came aboard I always had this illusion that we could, one day, patch up and live happily ever after.”

 

Kestra looked at him but didn’t say anything for a moment. Then she turned to walk towards the door. “I think I should go.” Simon watched her leave and didn’t make an attempt to hold her back. “Yes I think you should.”

 

When the door had closed behind her Simon looked around, grabbed the next best thing, and threw it against the bulkhead. He was mad at himself for allowing everything to go so wrong. He had hoped they could at least be friends again. But now he wasn’t so sure about it.

 

Outside of Simon’s quarters Kestra leaned against the bulkhead and closed her eyes. They flew open as she sensed his sudden rush of anger, and she wondered what exactly had gone wrong. She had been glad to find out Simon was aboard. She had come here, hoping he would be glad to see her, hoping to be friends. Now she was wondering whether she had made a mistake coming to see him. She straightened and walked down the corridor, back towards the turbolift. This was definitely not what she had expected on her first assignment. It had started off all wrong, Kestra thought waiting for the lift.