A Personal Log

[crispin_xavier001 0]

What splinters lay so deep in one's mind

as within the heart

 

 

Visions of children at play filled Juhdia's sleeping mind. Children that he called his own, but they were not his.

 

Then his dreams turned dark, he now stood over the bodies of children, dead. He recognized the clothes they wore, the numbers tattooed on their arms. He did not know the numbers or the names they hide.

 

Juhdia awoke screaming.

 

But why did he scream?

 

Over the centuries he had learned to live with his crimes, even to secretly revel in them.

 

But what was different now?

 

Juhdia got out of bed and poured himself three fingers of Romulan Ale. He downed it in less than a second, it went down smooth. He placed the glass on the table, "I must remember to get some more before there is another embargo against the Romulans," he mused to himself. He laid down again and tried to drift off to sleep.

 

Again Juhdia's dreams were filled with vivid images of his past, this time the fifty years he spent terrorizing Samaria, Babylon and Israel. Then as Juhdia the Great Destroyer. With his small band of soldiers Juhdia swept the land with blood. No one was safe from his rage, man woman or child. To him they were just part of his on going body count, but it just got to the point were he stopped counting and killed nothing more than for killing's sake.

 

Again he awoke, but this time in a cold sweat.

 

Why?

 

Juhdia showered and made his way to the officer's lounge. It was nearly deserted, surprising for this hour he thought to himself. He ate quietly in a secluded corner, choosing solitude, to the company of his peers. But when you got down to it, how many of them were his peers? Even if they were to live as long as he, he still had millenniums over them. There was only one who was truly Juhdia's equal, but he knew that 'She' was out of his league. He could not even say 'Her' name, not in a whisper or thought. For if he did then 'She' would show up.

 

Once his meal was finished Juhdia stood with his arms folded resting against the viewport. How long had it been since he last looked up and saw stars, not worlds to conquer in time.

 

 

 

Earth, Germany

1940

 

Juhdia, now Reihard Heydrich, spent a day with his family, before he would lead a march into Poland. The sun was beginning to set, so he gathered up the picnic setting and loaded the car. "Malcolm, come it is time to go."

 

Malcolm Reihard, the son of the woman Juhdia had married was playing in the field. "Look father, there are stars in the tall grass."

 

Juhdia smiled, "No Malcolm, I will show you." He broke off a small branch from a nearby tree and waved the branch through the grass. Then the grass was light by the light of tens of Fireflies. "You see, they are bugs, Fireflies."

 

The child danced amongst the Fireflies, then Reihard's wife joined him then the family danced in the flurry of Fireflies.

 

 

 

"I wasn't all bad. Even I had my moments."

 

Juhdia sighed. How could he explain to his subordinates, his superiors of his muddied past. "Well, you see, I was under the service of several Caesars, King Arthur, Hitler. I leaded a small army of two hundred and ninety-nine Spartans to their deaths, as well as C-Company of the 7th Calvary. I ordered the deaths of millions of Genetically Engineered Humans. Captain Arcamedis Dumont, hero of the first Federation War with the Romulans, that was me too. And Crispin Warren Xavier, you see he actually died trying to free his Homeworld from a dictator I helped put in charge"

 

"I'd like to see if even Brian and Elaine would ever speak to me again, if… If they knew the truth."

 

"Truth sir?"

 

Juhdia turned to an Ensign holding a PADD. "Yes Ensign Casper, truth. Is there something I can help you with?"

 

Casper handed Juhdia the PADD, "The review of the ship's last diagnostic, I was just finishing it and I would have left it on your desk, but since I saw you here…"

 

Juhdia looked over the PADD, "Good, but leave it on my desk, right now I am… I am off duty and will remain so, till zero eight hundred." He handed over the PADD and made his way to an empty Holodeck.

 

"Computer, activate Xavier two-three-seven."

 

The Computer chirped back, "Program initiated."

 

The doors opened and Juhdia was a top a hill, looking down at the on coming legions of Persian soldiers. He and his men were out numbered seven to one, but those odds were doable. He put on his armor, readied his sword, then looked at his men.

 

"Today we die. But we die in the name of Sparta. For centuries to come they will remember us. Not our names, but of our glory. Tales will be told of the three hundred." He turned to face the Persians, he raised his sword, "FOR SPARTA!"

 

These are the memories that kept him going, these are the memories that made living without 'Her' worth while. But he still wished he had 'Her' with him.

 

His one true love.