Realization.

[Dustin_Marks 0]

"Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting"

 

John Russell

 

 

Lt.(jg) JP Marks stood at his tactical station, slowly beginning to understand the true realization of his plight. As much as he wanted to deny it, JP realized that mentally he may be slightly unstable. Ever since the incident on the Holodeck back on Starbase 234, JP's mind was fractured glass. Pieces of his psyche were started to interfere in his day to day life and he ultimately realized the situation the Agincourt was currently in was not helping him to get better.

 

Everything he looked at and dealt with was reminding him of his dead wife. Back on the Holodeck, JP thought that the characterization of Billy Clanton was making risque comments about Jia Qi. He actually believed that these "holograms" were real people, tormented him with insults. JP shook his head slightly, not truly remembering what possessed him to begin opening fire with his real rifle on the Holograms. However, he did know how it made him feel to realize he could of seriously injured or even killed his crewmates.

 

Even now, JP could feel the hot looks of concern and uncertainty that Ensign Sydney Richardson shot him as she was on the bridge. Honestly, JP couldn't blame her for acting the way she was. He could only wonder how many people knew about the incident now and whether or not it would get back to the brass. He was forced to admit that even if no one else knew, the other three in the Holodeck did. They also knew he was about to tell them the dark feelings he had been hiding that he ultimately could not get out.

 

JP rubbed his hands together nervously, realizing that the dark shell of attitude, coldness, and duty wasn't protecting him quite the way it used to. He realized that he was becoming more annoyed and paranoid as the days went on. It wasn't yet interfering with his duty or with his performance, but realistically, it could only be a matter of time before it would completely eat him away inside.

 

JP allowed his gaze to come up from the console and to rest on the Klingon who was on the forward viewscreen. A slight sigh escaped JP's lips as Morg argued with Col. Harper over the medical supplies onboard. For half a second, he actually believed the Klingon to be Colonal Malg, further fanning the flames of paranoia.

 

With a visible loosening of his muscles, JP came to his conclusion. He would have to tell someone why these things were bothering him. For way too long he kept his feelings hidden and it was gnawing away inside of him. But ultimately it left him with one final question; who could he trust to talk to?