"Be Very Afraid" - A9 Log, SD 50303.16

[Atragon9 0]

Computer, Open Personal Log, Commodore Atragon-9, Commanding Officer, USS Manticore, NCC-5852, password *********

 

[whirr, click]

 

I'm so afraid of what's waiting for us down there - for me down there.

 

On the one hand, there is the biogenic agent down there.  It was developed to be fast acting, virulent, short life-span to facilitate faster mutation and adaptability.  It was meant as a final "mop up" act.  It was to be dropped after a battle, after a war, as a way to kill off the last remains of the enemy.  It would seek out those hiding, those sick or wounded, those too frail to fight.  It was a cold, cruel weapon, to be used as a global way to spit on your enemy's grave.  It was never used - it was never perfected.  At least that's what Megan had told me in those last days before I left Lincoln.  At the same time, I could tell she was holding something back from me.  Had it been finished - or worse - had it been tested?

 

Then we heard the news that it had gotten out of containment at the outpost.  It was working beyond expectations, but it was doing it's job on it's creators.  The viral team was the first to go, but they couldn't keep it in the lab complex.  That's what we had been told, that's why we could never go back down to investigate.  We had to destroy the outpost in a way similar to Romulan attacks and then report that there was a Romulan biohazard let loose there as well.  We were to blame the Romulans of doing exactly what we had planned, someday, to do ourselves.  Kill an enemy and then salt their fields, kill anything that lived and then make sure we didn't miss any holes...  I died some that day.  When I became party to the lies, just to cover our own dirty deeds!!

 

On the other hand, I'm afraid of what personal memories await me down there.  Megan's recorded distress signal is still running after all these years.  We didn't knock that out when we destroyed the buildings.  Maybe we didn't do such a good job after all.  What will I find down there?  How much of me, of Megan, of Us is still intact?  It took me years, it almost took my career, to get past this, to get "over" her.  Am I really all healed?  When I heard her voice on the Bridge... my God, it all came rushing back.  I'm so afraid I will crumble down there, that I will become useless to the mission, but I must return.  I must be the first to return.  Margaux also has a personal mission, somehow linked to Megan.  I just can't figure out the amazing strings of coincidences for her... and me.

 

Back to the physical harm though - I know that Dr. Mele and Jami can develop an inoculation for the strain of the agent that I have in my bloodstream now, but it's been ten years!!  This thing has been in the wild, adapting, growing ever since.  It must have mutated countless times by now, merging with local flora, even with the ordnance residue from our bombardments.  It's moving like a giant swarm, a unique organism down there.  A simple shot just won't protect us, will it?  I've faced death in many forms, but not to willingly walk into a killer virus agent.

 

::sigh:: They clearly don't pay me enough for all of this, that's for certain.

 

Computer, EOM, EOT

 

[whirr, click]