"Sweet Dreams"

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Personal Log

Assistant Medical Officer Victor Images

 

I haven't been sleeping well the past few days and it isn't through overwork, Dr. Jones has been making sure that even though we're working hard on a cure, everyone in medical gets enough time to sleep. Everyone except himself that is, a couple of times this week i've finished my shift and hours later when i come back on he'll still be there at his desk. But i think he's still probably been getting more rest then me. Ever since the night of my last log i've been having nightmares and then i wake up screaming. I think it was from talking to commander ayers in sickbay. He kept describing how at night he'd see how 'his' family was murdered by the borg. I think it triggered something in me. I've kept reliving 'my' parents death. The dream starts with me in sickbay. I'm just finishing up my work when i see something outside the doorway. I walk out, and the hallway is filled with the corpses of the aegis crew. It's all on fire and then i realise i'm not on any starship i know of, i'm back on the colony. Suddenly i see my mother and father running through the hallway, dodging the sparks and flames pulling me by the hand to the shuttle bay. I'm watching from the open doorway to the sickbay and i call out, "mum! dad!" but they don't notice or care, they run right past me. I grab a medical kit and I follow them. I clamber into the shuttle after they do and sit in the back area watching myself being held in my mums arms whilst my dad pilots us out of there. The shuttle shakes and creaks horribly as we break through the seering hot atmosphere. We just make it out when the planet destructs and flings the craft through space. We're finally safe, but now i look to my mother and i see she's shaking, my self scared in her arms wondering what's wrong. My father in the front notices this and comes into the back. I open the medical kit and ask him to lay her on the floor quickly, he does so, he must hear me. I take out my tricorder and use it to scan my mum, i can tell exactly how she's been poisoned by the chemicals in the research site and how to cure it. I take out my hypospray, put in the correct dosage for an antidote and i put it onto her neck...it passes right through. It's as if she's a ghost, i can't touch her. I try again and fail again. I begin to feel  deep fear at the reality. My father didn't hear me, i don't exist here, this is what happened and i'm watching it all again knowing exactly what's going to occur next. I can't do a thing to change it and all i can do is suffer it again and again. as my father tries unsuccssfully to recucitate her. I scream at him, trying to tell him what to do, i throw my kit supplies at im, but they pass through him and hit the wall on the other side. My mothers violent shaking suddenly stops and her chest collapses, she's dead. My dad holds her in his arms sobbing uncontrolably and my little self keeps saying "mum? mum?". my dad lays my mum back down and embraces my little self saying that the'yll be okay but it's only a matter of seconds before his hands start to quiver. He's only able to gasp "i love you Victor" before he falls and hits the deck with a thud and begins his spasmic dance of death. I just curl up in the corner in a little ball with my eyes closed and my hands over my ears while my self shrieks "no, dad no, you can't die" over and over again until his voice is hoarse and his eyes are red from the tears. My dad finally dies and my self hugs him as if expecting him to come back, like this is some sort of joke. I wake up covered in sweat and the scar on my back i got from the flames on the colony stings with more pain then i can describe. I take some sedatives and regain the rest of my night. I'm going to go see ships counselor, Ayers speaking of his past demons has made me need to face my own i think, that's all. There is no medical possibility that i am suffering anything like him. The disease has always been contained in the force field, i have made sure of it, not listening to either of the patient's reqests it be removed. Therefore i'm sure this is completely psychological, i could stake my name as a doctor on it. I actually feel happier that i 'm facing my past, i just wish the damn dreams would stop.

 

End Of Log