Beneath The Darkness Between The Stars

[Veloras Itana 0]

Beneath The Darkness

Between The Stars

Pt. V

 

"Tana?" I heard my name called but couldn't pull my eyes away to see who was speaking. It was as if I could still see the outline of Morton's head burned into the view-screen. "Tana!" I spun 'round to see Yung standing behind me with G'Khol in tow. I'm certain that my _expression revealed my state of mind every bit as much as theirs did. Both men appeared older somehow, haggard and ripe with fear. "Snap out of it." Yung stated, taking the seat beside me. "Itana..." His voice softened some but trailed off into the air. After all, what could he possibly say that would lend any comfort to this situation. "What's the status of the rest of the team?"

 

"I'm not sure." I whispered, staring at them wide-eyed, shaking badly enough to cause vibration in the back of the chair. "I...he...Damnit what the HELL is going on?!"

 

"I know miss," G'Khol interjected, putting his hand lightly on my shoulder in some small effort to calm me. "We had a similar experience in the transporter room, I'm sure."

 

"The team, Itana. What about Morton and Christiansen?" Yung keyed in the vid from the away team and checked the comm connection. "Morton, respond."

 

There was a brief silence before the harried voice of Jim Morton came through in a semi-garbled hush. "Christiansen is gone. I've been from one end of this deck to the other. We were only separated for a minute, Commander. I can't find him."

 

"All right Jim, calm down. Sensors are showing two strong life signs one is yours. The other has to be Christiansen. Maybe his comm malfunctioned. He's about nine meters down the starboard side corridor. Rendezvous with him and head to the bridge. We'll dump the vessels memory and go from there."

 

"Aye Commander. Do me a favor though?" Morton's voice and the vid feed from the Tobias trembled.

 

"What is it Morton?"

 

"Don't stop talking?" Morton began to move toward the starboard corridor, carefully scanning the junction between the two sections of the deck. "Read me your laundry list if you have to but, just keep talking. This place is playing tricks with my mind."

 

Yung smiled weakly, nodding his head. "Will do Lieutenant." He turned to me and indicated the main cabin. "Why don't you go see if you can help M'Baru with our guest and the other passengers. You look like you could use a break."

 

I nodded, still shaken by whatever I'd seen coming from the other ship. As I stood, Yung's smile brightened again for a moment. "You know, that old adage is quite true."

 

"Adage?" I asked, stopping at the bulkhead. "Which adage is that?"

 

"Well, you signed up for an adventure in deep space, right?" My head moved in affirmation but my soul was nowhere near as convinced as it had once been that this was what I had wanted. "The old adage states...Be careful what you wish for."

 

"Believe me, Everett, if we make it out of here I think my wishes will be restricted to the mundane for a long time to come." I tried to smile but only managed a grimace as I walked back to where M'Baru was.

 

As I passed through the main cabin it actually struck me for the first time what Yung had done by drafting me into premature service aboard the Antioch. He had inadvertently made me responsible for someone other than myself. As I looked around I was struck by the how thick the tension was among the passengers and, the worst part of it was, they were looking at me as if I knew what was going on. Me! A smart ass trouble maker from a small farming community on Bajor. What the hell did I know? Nothing. I knew nothing.

 

The longer we were there the more I came to realize how little I knew going into this. Big romantic dreams about being a space born swashbuckler off on one mysterious adventure after another. Ha! I should have become a farmer. It was good enough for my mother. Farmers are rarely terrorized by anything other than catterpod weevils. Still, as I looked around at all the questioning faces waiting for me to tell them everything would be all right, I knew being a farmer would never have been enough. There were still too many places I hadn't seen anywhere but in books and holo-images. Suring myself up against the icy, terrified stares, I smiled and said the first thing that came to mind. "It won't be long now."

 

"It won't be long till what?" Artel shot back scornfully. "Till we're all dead?"

 

Ok so, here I was, not even in the academy yet and, I was already light years ahead of this gettle. How the hell did he ever graduate? I thought to myself. I mean, don't they do a psych exam? I sighed, trying to remain calm but, feeling myself get progressively more angry. I walked over to where he sat, crouched beneath a blanket like an old man and bent over to speak to him.

 

"Look, these people are scared to death and, I know that you're scared too. So am I." I leaned in very close for the next part, careful to keep a smile on my face so no one knew I was losing it. "Now, I have accepted the fact that you are just going to sit here and whine like a mule despite the fact that you're wearing a uniform I haven't even earned yet but, so help me, if you utter one more sound that adds to these people's fears I will put your lights out myself. Got me?"

 

"Why should we lie to them. They should know they're going to die out here...." He started to whimper again and I officially lost it. I popped him once, right in the nose with the heel of my right hand, regretting it almost as quickly as I felt the jolt in my elbow.

 

"Cadet!" I turned to see M'Baru, who had monitoring the entire exchange from the entryway to the aft section. Now, I thought I was in for it. Assaulting a superior officer, hitting a man while he was down, any of a million other societal taboos that said I shouldn't have hit the little dung heap but, there it was. I'd done it anyway and, if it happened again today, I'd still have hit him. I just wouldn't have been so public about it. As I braced myself for the tongue lashing I was sure would follow, M'Baru smiled. "Here." He tossed me a hypo-spray and pointed toward Artel. "This is quicker and won't bruise your hand."

 

I caught it and shot Artel once in the neck, smiling with visible satisfaction as the idiot went back to sleep. "Thank the Prophets." I muttered, turning to smile at the remaining passengers. "Don't listen to him." I kicked his boot lightly as I turned to face them. "We WILL get home."

 

There is a guilt associated with that last sentence. A guilt I still feel today. It surged, fresh and new as each of them died. That was Yung's gift to me. Responsibility for the lives of those people. I felt it keenly as I looked from one face to another and, it kicked me in the stomach as they fell like dominoes, one right after the other. Yung did what he had to do. I'd like to think I did too but, try as I might I can't help feeling that there was more I should have done. Something I should have seen. I just wasn't clever enough or, resourceful enough to help keep them alive.

 

I'm told that's a perfectly normal feeling after a tragedy like this. That most people take responsibility for things well beyond their control when faced with being the only one to survive. They call it "survivor's guilt" but, that is of no comfort to me when I'm alone and living it over again in my mind. I can still see them, sitting there in that cabin, waiting for me to give them answers that never came.

 

As I stepped toward M'Baru he smiled and shook my hand. "We haven't been properly introduced. I'm Isaojai M'Baru, ship's medic. Call me Jai, pretty much everyone else does."

 

"Itana," I smiled. "Veloras Itana. Call me Tana." I shook his hand in return. In retrospect, I honestly feel it may have been easier to survive the entire ordeal had I not gotten to know them by name. I know how cold that sounds but, remember, I grew up in a war torn hell where it was easier to forget the faces of the dead if you never knew their names. It's a coping mechanism that I sometimes wish I hadn't abandoned. Jai wasn't much older than me when he died. I'm still haunted by my last memory of him, shortly after Danella Sil was brought on board.

 

We headed back into the aft cabin at Jai's urging. "Come here, I need your help with her. She's very weak and I need to move her."

 

The woman looked even worse in person. She was filthy dirty with dried blood covering almost every inch of her body. Her skin was pale, almost grey in color and, what was left of her face was gaunt and ashen, almost the color of whatever that was that had been used to patch the damage to her left eye and cheek. Her eyes were open, glassy and vacant. She stared at the ceiling, moving her lips as if she were in deep conversation with the reaccessed lighting. She didn't scream till we touched her and then, she sprung to life with a surprising strength that sent both Jai and I reeling backward.

 

"I know what you did!" She shrieked. "I saw your eyes on me. You're obscene. You bastard!" She swung wildly, catching Jai on the jaw, sending him sprawling backward to land with a thud against the bulkhead. "You won't touch me again. None of you will! I'd rather die!"

 

She began to sob heavily as her strength waned and she sank back into the corner of the bunk. Huddling in a terrified mass, she recoiled from any attempt to comfort her so, I turned to help Jai back to his feet. The woman began to claw at her face with the tips of her jagged, broken fingernails, muttering incoherently to herself as Jai and I moved to either end of the bunk in an effort to straighten her back out. He hit her with the hypo-spray twice but, it didn't seem to have any effect. In fact, it didn't even seem to register with her that we were still there. She continued to pull at her face and arms, scratching deep gouges in the skin which instantly sprouted fresh streaks of blood. We made a makeshift restraint from the sheets and tied her hands to the sides of the bed. She eventually lost consciousness again, leaving Jai and I staring at each other in shock and disbelief.

 

So you think you're a little bit wild

IN the middle OF the suicide

don't close your eyes

don't close your eyes

don't sing your last lullaby

no one there to hold you

no one is your friend

you live life up and down now

nightmares on your brain

~Kix

Edited July 3, 2004 by Veloras Itana