A for Angst

[Tachyon 0]

Personal Log Stardate 0406.25

Midshipman Arthur Dent

-------------------------------------

Things on Aegis are certainly different than they were on the Academy, different from Earth. The Academy is a theory put into practice, it is . . . static. Aegis is like an organism that is growing, dynamic and wild. The Academy was nurturing, but Aegis is free.

 

Are we really free? What is free will anyway? And does it even exist?

 

These questions have plagued philosophers for centuries, unsolvable by nature, but essential to life itself. How does one define free? Freedom of choice, freedom to grow? Is freedom something earned or something given? Who are we to judge?

 

I think I arrived on Aegis at a crux of momentous events. A change of command, a terrorist attack—I’m really out of my element. I’m having trouble coping, I’m having trouble forming relationships with any of these people. Maybe it’s because for the first time in life, these people are real, and not just of the plastic variety at the Academy. There’s no counselor on Aegis. I guess if I needed to talk to somebody, I could go to one of the doctors . . . on second thought, I think I might feel better if I ran the other way.

 

The dynamics on Aegis, its relationships are tense right now. There’s been a murder, a terrorist attack, and a change of command: a passing of the torch. And I sit by, observing these as an outsider. Do I regret joining Aegis? No, not at all. But I think that it would have been better if I had come during a more peaceful time. I feel so out of synch, as if everyone else is in one universe, and I’m alone in the other!

 

It’s funny. Aegis means protection . . . but protection of what? It was named so to reassure the Cardassians that our aims were only peaceful and beneficent, but maybe it’s done the opposite for some. Protection can also mean hindrance, an obstacle to navigate around. And do we really know what’s going on there? We only know what the Cardassians tell us, and they aren’t always being truthful.

 

I wonder what that government representative told the Admiral and Captain. They seem so distant, and not only because I’m new. Everyone on Aegis has reached an impasse in their lives, and none of us know how to deal with it. We just try to handle these changes as best we can, and move on with life.

 

Eli Zhu was promoted to an Ensign, and gets a nice brand new physical. It brings back fond memories of my recent physical, it does. Exemplary service . . . we’re all doing service, just like Lieutenant Escher. I sent my congratulations to them, but it’s just perfunctory. Neither of them are my friends, just bare acquaintances.

 

It’s awkward, speaking to all of these people on Aegis. Not one other cadet from my class was assigned here . . . most of them chose starships. What made me choose this station? In truth, I don’t know. I suppose that on the surface I was lured by the Operations job. And maybe none of the other choices could live up to what I wanted to experience, to how I wanted to grow. That’s another question: What do I want to do with my life?! Do I want to command a starship? Do I want to become a pilot?

 

Until I figure this out, I will always be alone no matter how many people I know. I will be without purpose.

[Tovan 0]

Personal Log Stardate 0406.25

Until I figure this out, I will always be alone no matter how many people I know. I will be without purpose.

Join the club :lol: