"Broken Promises"

[Tovan 0]

Lt. Cmdr. Tovan

Asst. Engineer

Log Entry

 

 

 

A defeated Tovan entered his quarters, his mind were once again filled with doubt and illogical thinking. Yes if the drill was real Manticore would be now in the hands of the enemy and everything he fought for would be gone and his greatest promise to his brother will be broken. He wondered if Commander Garnoopy knew the engineering crew was approaching easeness. Perhaps that was why He ordered the drill in the first place. He was defeated but only temporary. He sat down in front of his personal computer and tapped upon its screen.

 

"Computer, load data regarding Commander Derok, all files." He said quietly and the computer chirped its compliance. The screen filled with information and Tovan read them. Although he read them hundreds of times and were no different but this time every word hit his mind as if a thunderstorm was raging.

 

Commander Derok never mistakened in his calculations, never doubted his own opinion or his decisions.

 

Tovan read that line over and over again, but it made no difference. He knew it, he had failed, his logic was in error during the drill. His oath to that line was forever lost and he did not know if he could regain his brother's respect ever again even if he was dead or not. He doubted Ens. Kroells. He didn't admitted to his face but he did. He also doubted his decision to leave engineering to investigated himself or recalled Kroells and what did that doubt gain him? Nothing, it lost engineering and now his piece of mind.

 

He tapped on the screen again it brought up a photo of the Commander. A face that demanded silence and respect but radiated warmth in the process. Tovan looked straight into his brother's eyes.

 

"I am sorry." It was a simple line but it was from the heart. Beneath the emotional barrier and logic and suppression. It was from that part of his heart which was a raging thunderstorm of emotions, every one of those emotions. Anger, fear, curiousity and faith. All unanimously said I am sorry. He looked away from those eye. He opened his mind to the atmosphere of his quarters, every memory every experience he dug them all up and placed it in his conscience.

 

As he released the barriers holding his memories he experienced numberous flashbacks. He saw himself in his mind when he first entered starfleet academy. Young, fresh and logical, a typical Vulcan. The cadet said nothing complained nothing and did his work efficiently and accurately. 6 years later he graduated. The Ensign Tovan did not change much in that past 6 years, still much the same person. He looked around and realized he was back in the present 4 years later.

 

He stood up and looked at himself in the mirror and compared the image he saw with the fresh cadet 10 years ago. They were different. He saw in the cadet's eyes fearless and doubtless. He saw his own, clouded with doubt and the fear of error and mistake, the memories plagued and scarred his mind.

 

"Am I the same person?" He asked the figure in the mirror. It answered.

 

"Brother, you must trust your self, it would not be logical if you did not. Think about it." The mirror responded with his brother's voice.

 

"But how could I? I have failed." Tovan looked away. The the figure's face expression remained rigid. They stood there for a long time, finially the figure waved his hand. Tovan suddently felt an urge to faint, he stumbled to his bed and collapsed in it. Then he saw a flash. Then a clift and a young Vulcan sitting, looking across the clift.

 

Tovan stood up and rubbed his head.

 

"Do you know who that is?" A figure snuck on Tovan from the side and pointed to the Vulcan. Tovan raised an eyebrow and nodded.

 

"Do you know why he is here?" Tovan nodded again. But said nothing.

 

The Vulcan stood up and look down at the steep canyon from the clift and muttered something.

 

I will follow your footsteps, I will do my best to be the best engineer I could become, no mistakes, I promise.

 

Tovan looked away painfully and nodded. "But now I have broken that promise." Tovan said to the figure beside him.

 

"Did you? Do you think you're the engineer you are, do you think you failed?" The figure asked.

 

"Yes I did. No words can cover it."

 

"It was one mistake and a grave one, I agree. But all species of people make mistakes, and you know that. So why are you doing this to your self, its not logical."

 

"I doubted my shipmate and myself."

 

The figure placed a hand on Tovan's shoulder. "Doubt will get you know where, trust will. When the time comes, you will know what to do and you will complete any tasks with great efficiency without error. But that cannot come to past if you doubt your abilities."

 

Tovan took a seat beside his younger self and nodded. He heard wisedom and he heard it well. The answer that was in his mind now shined with out the darkness of doubt, he embraced it with his trust and slowly the land scape around him disappeared and he was back in his quarters aboard Manticore.

 

A promised was broken but he was going to do everything to rebuild the broken pieces, starting with trust.