Inner Demons SD 50302.01

[LtCmdr Roget 0]

"Computer replay Griffen simulation, Rogét 7a.  Begin now."  The holodeck came alive and Margaux found herself standing in the back of the shuttle, watching the events transpire.  What had gone wrong?  Something, there had to something here that could explain why the systems failed like they had.  She refused to believe in a lucky shot.  

 

   Sparks flew from the forward console and her skin tightened, remembering the burning feeling.  Her voice called out, "Get those shields back up!"  Margaux had watched everyone, every keystroke, looking for something ... anything to explain what had happened.  She watched the rapidly approaching Manticore through the view screen and felt her stomach knot for the countless time, awaiting the impact.

 

   She watched their bodies slam into the equipment, the shuttle slam into the barricades and then into the Wyvern.  Their cries echoed in her brain.  The sounds of the klaxon filled her ears and smoke filled her nostrils.  With a deliberate slowness she walked about the chaos, staring at each of the injured members of her team in the hope that if she viewed the scene enough times she would become less horrified.  And if she could become less horrified, she might, just possibly, be able to sleep without dreaming.

 

   The simulation ended and the holodeck returned to it's customary black room with orange grid lines, and Margaux stood there.  While the images were gone from before her eyes, they remained clear in her mind.  She pressed her hand to her face and was assailed by a terrible sense of bitterness.  Turning from the dim holodeck, she walked numbly through the corridors, feeling chilled to the bone and utterly alone.

 

   She entered the Officer's Mess and unthinkingly took a tray, mechanically adding bits of food to her plate.  Taking a seat at an empty table at the back of the hall, Margaux picked up her fork, pushing the food around, and tried to make sense again of the emotions raging through her.  Guilt, oh yes, she felt immensely guilty.  It was her mission, her team and it the end her fault that it had ended so terribly.  The fact that no one had died left her with little joy.  No one should have been hurt.  Defeat, yes she did feel defeated.  All her training, everything she had sacrificed, should have allowed her success, and instead she had barely returned alive.  Angry.  She slammed her fork down, ignoring the looks of others in the room, she was seething with anger.  Anger at Kurtz for using his power and position to exploit this planet and their people for his own gain.  Anger at Eason for sending her back the ship.  Anger at the shuttle for not performing properly.  Atragon.  She shoved the tray away from her, the food still untouched.  

 

   Twice he had sent her out on missions only for her to come back broken and bloodied.  Twice, and not once did he have the decency to ask how she was feeling, how she was recovering, just the brief "how are they all faring, Doctor" breeze through sickbay.  Instead he spoke to her coldly, reminding her to control her temper, and not even casting a glance her way during in the staff meeting to discuss the rescue mission.  Throwing down her napkin she stalked out of the Officer's Mess and turned back to the holodeck.  She punched the access buttons and stormed into the holodeck.  "Computer replay Griffen simulation, Rogét 7a.  Argh!!  What do I have to do to get some attention from him, crawl back into his bed!?"