As I Stalk Through The Ship

[Atragon9 0]

Six months... it's been six months since they successfully tested the Warp drive, and we're still here!!

 

I know I was hard on Garnoopy to test and test the engine theories and processes before I ever let them fire it, but that was a finite amount of physical resources - we HAD to do it right the first time... well, I guess that wasn't the first time, but it had to be the last! Anyway, we've been zooming all over the place since our first test. We have verified the lack of life throughout the sector and still we come back here - to where the crew has taken up station.

 

Now, I want to get the hell out of here. We have to go back and undo the catastrophe that we caused, we have to go back and NOT fall into the edge of the black hole, NOT fire our double engines, NOT leap into the future, killing everything in our wake. I know that we are planning to go back in time, so that our "time" here is immaterial, but I can't stand it anymore!!! Its been 5½ years!!! I can't push Goad anymore than I have, but dammit it's TIME!! There's nothing to "test" with this, it's a theory that will either work or it won't. We have repaired the ship as much as we can with the resources available to us, it's Time.

 

Maybe my urgency is Jami and the baby... we've had many births and new families since we've been here, but I just can't shake the memory of Claire and what happened with Amanda. I won't let it happen to Jami - and yet I have no power to affect it either way. I just don't know anymore - but I *DO* know that she's entered her third trimester and I know that I have to try and go back. I have to bring her with me, I can't live without them and I can't bear to think that I would die and leave her here without me! Gads, how self-centered is THAT!!??

 

I've become obsessed, that much I'm sure of. I have made it a point to avoid Roget, even though she might be the best to help me. Between my driving the crew to the point of being despised, to my demands on Jami and those closest to me, to my orders to try and keep this crew together as a "crew" long after they have become a colony, to... to... (w) I need help... This is why we have to go back NOW, I don't know how much longer I can hold it together...