Fear? No more

[Tovan 0]

Images, Memories and Fear

Tovan log

Day 2013

 

 

 

On day 2013, Tovan had a change of mind, instead of sleeping in his hut on the surface, he returned to the ship. It was near midnight when he beamed up and roamed the coridors and entered his quarters.

 

It was a mess, Tovan thought, he couldn't have imagened that his belongings and most precious items were neglected for many years. Since the evacuation, he thought nothing but how to get home, did nothing but reflect. Now, he could much much more. Even though temporal mechanics wasn't his forte, he still could have helped.

 

Tovan picked up a broken picture frame and stared at the image, It was his family, when he was about 20, when his brother still lived. Tovan stared at it with fascination. All the years when the sight of his brother was seen, the bottled up emotions buried deeply inside of him would be set loose, Chaos will form in his head, but in the present, those emotions were absent, Tovan listened to the sound of his mind, and hear silence. They were gone.

 

Tovan searched within himself many times, and stared at the image for over 3 hours, finding that emotion, attempting to express it. But nothing, the emotion was too deeply buried, so deep that it would take more than other memories to disinter it so deep, it would take many more images to uncover it. Tovan nodded at the picture and took out the paper from its broken glass frame, he placed it by his bed and took another gaze at his quarter.

 

It was chaos, Tovan thought, the years he had neglected his duties as an engineer, he tinkered with the small things on the planet but not the ship. But now Tovan was with Manticore and that qould never change. Tovan notes the damage that had been done when the core exploded a few years ago, the crew's hopes were lost. He was grateful that Commander Garnoopy and Lieutenant Goad was able to fashion a second core, this allowed the ship warp. He began cleaning up his messy quarters, it was as if a war was fought in these quarters but no, it wasn't here when Tovan achieved control upon his emotions and fear, it was down there, in that small dirt and grass made hut, on the surface.

 

Tovan picked up a broken chair leg and a nonfunctional padd, and sat on the bed, no doubt that he was relieved of painful memories in his mind and the fear of losing another friend and shipmate. Tovan let go of the damaged hardware in his hands and let them fell on to the floor. The noise of impact, and the flying pieces did not faze Tovan.

 

Minutes later he stood up and walked in to the shower and cleaned himself. After years of dirt was clensed from him he walked out with his sleeping robe and layed down on the bed, he didn't mind the debris, he didn't mind anything on his bed that was foreign, he didn't care. Seconds later, he fell asleep, knowing the nightmares will end and the images will provok progress, not fear. Tovan slept soundly knowing that his friends will still be there when he awakes tomorrow. Then there was silence .........

Edited March 28, 2004 by Tovan