"With You or Without You"

[Cmdr JFarrington 0]

With You or Without You

a personal log

Jami Farrington-Atragon

 

Twenty months -- nearly two years. It didn't seem possible that almost two years had passed since Manticore began limping its lonely vigil in solitary orbit around Future Earth. It had been an interesting experience for everyone, with the entire spectrum of responses having run its course through the crew. As for Jami, she tended to keep her opinions to herself, a practice gained partly from medical training and partly from being in command. However, there were a few from whom she did not hide her true feelings. Her close friend and planetary neighbor Claire Eason had become her chief confidante, and, of course, she tended to confide in her husband, Atragon-9.

 

Until recently.

 

Lately Jami had chosen to not share as much with Atragon, because a certain thought had been coyly weaving its way into her list of viable possibilities, and she did not want to worry him needlessly. If the time came -- and she expected it would sometime soon -- she would broach the subject.

 

After several months of physical labor, building and planting, Jami had begun to believe that her life on Future Earth was everything she had always wanted. An incomparable exhilaration accompanied exhaustion at the end of a day's work, akin to scaling a cliff or conquering a seemingly insurmountable task. She felt a sense of accomplishment she had not felt in years, and what's more, she could feel her body responding in kind. A strength came from planetary physical labor that did not come from exercising in a holodeck. A genuine feeling of well-being came from breathing planetary air, and a greater satisfaction came from eating earth-grown food. This life seemed her ideal, except for one thing . . .

 

Atragon.

 

For about a month she had noticed his growing tension, his sleepless nights, his pacing during the day, and his preoccupation with the ship. To Jami the ship, the Federation, her commission, everything but her medical degree was part of another life, something that didn't matter anymore. But Atragon seemed eager to return. Why? She surmised that he felt responsible for the crew, and in a way he was. But didn't that responsibility fade with time as the crew spread out to renew their lives here on the planet?

 

And what if they couldn't return? What would that do to Atragon? Would it destroy him? And if the crew succeeded in repairing the ship and, if, by some extraordinary quirk of fate, they could return to the proper timeline (which, in Jami's mind, was highly unlikely), what of the crew who wanted to stay behind? Would they stay? Would Atragon let them stay?

 

All these questions invaded Jami's otherwise tranquil thoughts during her daily routine. But of these, one in particular plagued her: If they could leave, and if she could stay, could she stay -- could she survive -- without Atragon?