Downright Masculine

[LtGeorgeMcLean 0]

“Downright Masculine”

 

 

George hadn’t felt this good in several years since long before he went on probation for inappropriate conduct with a female officer. There was a strange hop in his step. The half empty world suddenly flipped and dripped half full. Where was all this energy coming from? What had led him to this moment of near complete fulfillment?

 

George sat back and smiled recalling the moment. It had only happened about an hour ago so his hand still throbbed. It was perhaps the hardest punch he had ever delivered. Even better the receiver of the punch was none other than the Chief Science Officer, Travis Kroells, or former Chief Science officer; he didn’t really care.

 

There had been some weird irony down there in Main Engineering. For once it was George who was following orders, not trying to play the hero he was not cut out to be. For once it was George who preserved his dignity and actually deserved the respect he so often demanded out of others. For once George was free of any accusation, lacking of any blame.

 

His actions were not lacking in rewards. In fact, the rewards for George would be longer lasting than he could have possibly imagined. Somehow that moment in Engineering that had culminated in the lashing out against Travis triggered something in his brain. More importantly, however, it had triggered something deep within his heart. When humanity began to slip from George’s grasp, he lost many things. He lost the ability to love and he lost the ability of hope. Those closest to him, which were dwindling in numbers in recent days, would even say that he had lost the ability to feel.

 

Yet, none of his loses affected him like the loss of his sense of masculinity. He had forgotten what it was like to be a man. He had let go from his hands the very meaning of manhood. How could one barely significant punch bring such revelation to a bitter man? There was the key in itself.

 

Alone at night, George knew he was bitter. George knew he was hopeless, loveless…helpless. What be began to realize was that he was more than hopeless, he was a hopeless man, and he was more than loveless, he was a loveless man. The rediscovery of his own masculinity was that key. With that clenched fist he not only reconfirmed his existence as a human, but even more reconfirmed his very essence of masculinity.

 

The scales fell. George began to see himself through the eyes of man again. The initial conviction was almost overwhelming. “Some man I am,” he repeated over and over again in his mind. Every action, every decision, he reevaluated in his mind, each disgusting him to no visible end. George wondered if he could ever find redemption. He knew that by and large most people were like himself, cold, corrupt and without purpose, but he also knew that there were things out there beyond his comprehension that really mattered. “What price must I pay,” he cried out in his heart. Something not so distant seemed to answer and comfort his aching heart. A peace that surpassed all understanding swept over his heart.

 

Sitting there waiting for the crew to return to Reaent, he decided in that moment that he would try to become what he was intended to be, what he was created for. He smiled, genuinely for the first time in years. Despite the cost and hardship, he was going to try to be a man, one of honor and dignity, one who could truly be respected, one with a purpose to life and a reason to live it and most of all, one who was downright masculine.

 

 

B)