Out One Nightmare, In Another

[Cdr Rian Kwai 0]

Sleep was a very precious commodity for Rian Kwai. For several years now, she had been living in a state of insomnia. It had not always been this way, she knew, but she couldn’t honestly remember a time in the recent past when falling asleep had not been difficult for her. She had just accepted it as a sacrifice of serving in the ‘Fleet and never wondered if her fellow crew members had not the same problems. She just worked very hard, physically and mentally, to get the precious few hours of rest she was able to capture. But sleep and rest weren’t always the same thing.

 

Tonight, however, sleep came effortlessly. And with it came unwelcome dreams filled with guilt, fear, anxiety and dread. Some of the same dreams that kept her restless during times when she was physically well now haunted her in her unwell state, unbidden into the realm of her sub consciousness, as she tossed and turned in desperation for healing respite. A state of sleep that merged the nightmares of the past with the nightmares of present. A state of sleep where she could not easily free herself.  

 

It was the high pitched chirp of computer panel that brought Rian abruptly out of her nightmares, drenched in sweat and tangled in the bed clothes.  She laid on her back, staring at the ceiling and wishing that whoever it was calling would just go away, and take with them the nightmares she was just having. But the chirp wouldn’t stop, so Rian stumbled from her bed and flopped down in the desk chair to activate the comm.

 

“Rian. You okay?”

 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Rian spoke automatically, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. The voice sounded familiar, but she still groggy from waking up to process who it was. She glanced at the clock and realized she had only been asleep for a couple of hours. When did she have to report back again? She just got out of one nightmare, why did she have to go into another?

 

“Station security was just here. Asking me questions about where you were…” there was a slight pause as Ryliek Amhel took a good look at Rian. “You look like death…you getting any sleep? What’s going on?”

 

Rian sighed, rubbing one eye, while the other stared at her friend. “Gee, thanks for the compliment.” She responded thickly as she tried to wake up fully. In a few moments of silence, while she left his other question unanswered, Rian’s mind was quickly thinking ahead. Reality was slamming back into position. The explosions, surgery, questions, review panel, the video feed, Section 31 and Brock….  “It’s just a bunch of …well…just a mess.” She shrugged. “It’ll work itself out, don’t worry about it.”

 

“Don’t worry about it?” Ryliek raised a brow. “Station security said there’d been another explosion on your ship. Said you were injured too. Made it sound a bit dicey.”

 

“Yeah, we had one the bridge,” Rian propped her elbow upon the table, then rested her chin on the palm of her hand. “I think most everything is fixed up now, including me.” She was trying to remain vague. She was still under investigation, which meant her calls were being monitored, and anything pertaining to the events was probably classified materials.  And she didn’t want to make the mess any bigger than she already had.  Nor did she have any desire to put her neck any further out on the chopping block.

 

“Everything is fixed up now?” Ryliek looked angry. “What this about a review panel? What’s that all about? Why do I have a Fedhead grunt grilling me about your whereabouts and what you’ve been doing? Why has he been harassing my crew, shoving his nose into my business and trying to force feed regulations down my throat? What’s going on Rian?”  

 

“Don’t yell at me,” She answered in a measured tone. “Just…tell them the truth and they’ll leave you alone. That’s all you have to do. Tell them the truth and they’ll leave you alone.”

 

“Rian…”

 

“What?” She snapped at him. Her eyes narrowed at him angrily for a moment. Then she slouched back in her chair as she realized what she had mistaken for his anger was deep concern.  She felt queasy.  How much more complicated could her life be?

 

 

“Are. You. Okay?” His voice was tense, the jaw muscles were clenched as he watched her critically.

 

She nodded slowly at first. Then spoke quietly when she could find her voice. She chose her words carefully, so that if the call was indeed monitored, she would not give anything away. “I will be. Things are just messy right now.  But…” she glanced down to the table for a moment, then looked back up. “…I have faith things will work themselves out. Eventually.”  

 

“Rian…”

 

“Ryliek, don’t ask me. I can’t talk about it right now.” She shook her head tiredly. She realized at that moment she probably shouldn’t have answered the comm in the first place, but what’s another nail in her coffin anyway? She took a deep breath and leaned closer to the screen. “Look…just be careful…okay? Be. Careful.” She tried to fashion her facial expression express what her words could not – if this Brock guy was involved and had set her up…or even Republic in general, then who’s to say he wouldn’t bring more innocents into the fray? Joined gods, if Ryliek got into trouble over this, she would never forgive herself.

 

Whether Ryliek understood or now, she couldn’t tell from his face or his voice. He had a peculiar look his face which faded moments before he responded. He just nodded, then spoke gruffly. “Get some sleep, kid. You look like hell. Try to stay out of trouble too. We’ll talk later.”

 

“Aye, that was what I was trying to do before someone woke me up,” She stuck her tongue out at him, then smiled slightly. “We’ll talk later. Promise.” She waved, then disconnected before he could respond.  “What is this calling me ‘kid’ business? I’m just as old as he is. Err…well as old as his host is.” Rian walked over and belly flopped on her bed. “Stay out of trouble? Who is he kidding anyway? I’m in Star Fleet…getting in and out of trouble is our job description.”

 

And with that, Rian exhaustedly welcomed her nightmares again, past, present and future.

Edited February 25, 2004 by Cdr Rian Kwai