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A Davis

Chasing Shadows

“Chasing Shadows”*

Ensign Theobald Dumont
Dr. Amanda Davis, MD

Personal Log: Stardate 0130.19

Theo was standing nervously before Amanda's office door on Deck 73. Perhaps he had had too much tea. He did what he could to keep calm, but caffeine was not it.

Amanda’s office door slid open to her welcoming smile.  She was dressed in civilian skirt and blouse that hailed back to earth’s Victorian period. Victorian furniture, passed down through several generations, showed a relaxing, comfortable, and welcoming atmosphere behind her.  The aroma of fresh tea filled the air.  Soft, soothing music played in the background.

“Hello, Ensign Dumont.  I am Amanda Davis, but please call me Amanda. Do come in.”  She stepped back to allow him entrance.  “If you’re up to tea and scones at this time of day, I have some freshly made.”

“It smells delicious, Amanda. But I must refuse. I’m in the habit of eating my biggest meal at noon and I’m still full. Perhaps I’ll take one for the road. So nice to meet you ma’am.”

“And you are not the only one to take a scone away for a snack later on.” She smiled.  “But please, sit wherever you feel comfortable.  If you don’t mind, I’ll have some tea,”  she continued, walking toward the counter where the tea and scones were displayed. 

“Of course.” Now Theo felt somewhat awkward, but he was impressed with the good doctor’s hospitality. Sitting down, “Where do I begin?”

“Well,” she said, returning to set her teacup on a tea table before settling into a couch. “You may begin wherever you would like to.”

Normally, Theo was very direct so he just jumped in. "I have flashbacks to the moment I was about to die. My accident boils to the surface whenever I experience a strong emotion. The other day I was on the holodeck with Ensign Grim. It’s a potentially dangerous place for me, as I was once a holo-addict. My wife’s call over the comm system sent me reeling. I was back on the shuttle, age 14, suffocating. All I could see were the emergency lights and the smoke pouring out of the life support console."

Amanda gave him plenty of time to elaborate, perhaps tell more. When he seemed to be at a stopping point, she said, “It sounds like you have had quite a traumatic experience.”

“It was the flashpoint of a long nightmare. The recovery was almost as bad as the accident. I really didn’t want to face the emotional scars, so I bottled them up and chose to lose myself on the holodecks at Sargonia’s Library. The colony’s doctors were able to return almost all of my body to complete health, at least enough to graduate from Starfleet Academy, but I was a mental wreck.”

Amanda waited patiently in case he would say more.  Eventually she moved ahead.  “What exactly happened that brought you to the brink of death?” 

Feeling revulsion at having to relive the accident, Theo however drove on, “The personnel shuttle transporting us to the mines on Beta Agni VII suffered engine failure and spun out into the orbit of Beta Agni IV, whose liquid thorium mantle is radioactive. I was suffocating because the aft emergency shields were slowly failing.”

“And you were rescued.”

“Yes, rescued by a starship that was in orbit of my homeworld/colony, only after suffering from a large dose of radiation poisoning.”

“There must have been some very brave people on that starship to dive into that kind of radiation and save you,” Amanda suggested, setting her teacup aside.

“I never thought I would catch myself saying, ‘Thank God for politicians.’ Our Ambassador was just about to depart for Earth on the USS Nova when they rescued us.

“Unfortunately, the pilot of the shuttle and three miners were killed.

You see Doctor, what a simple accidental miscalculation can do? My whole life has been jaded by this incident ever since,” Theo said trembling.

“Well, Theo….” she began, then asked, “May I call you Theo?”

“Sure,” he said with a dejected expression.

“First of all, dealing with a traumatic experience such as you have can be difficult.  However, since you pushed yourself on to complete your education at the academy, I would venture to say that you are more brave than you think you are. That said, hiding from the trauma is more difficult and debilitating than facing it square on.  

“A very brave lady by the name of Eleanor Roosevelt faced many dangers in her lifetime. But in the end, she said, ‘You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.  I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’  

“Theo, you are brave.  Moving on to join Starfleet while knowing that danger lurks in space tells me that.  Face your fear straight on and you will conquer it.  Are you up to the task? Of course.  And I am here to help you.”

“It will take time.” remarked Theo forcefully.

“Yes, it will.  Have you tried to deal with it?”

“I guess I’ve just ignored it.”

After a minute or two of thought and studying his expressions, Amanda drew in a thoughtful breath, then slowly exhaled.  

“Theo, you mentioned that your friend, Ensign Grim, and you were in the holodeck together when something triggered a flashback. I suggest that you get with your friend in the holodeck, create a situation that is similar to what you experienced, and face your fear one step at a time.  Yes, it will take time, but it will work, and this is how.

“Begin slowly.  Configure the holodeck with Ensign Grim so you are fighting an animal instead of an experience.  Focus on that animal, determined to conquer it, then fight.  After you conquer that first animal, make one larger and a little more ferocious.  Eventually, you will change your session from an animal to a dangerous experience, but you will convince yourself that you are conquering just another animal.  Fear is the animal that you will conquer. Does that make sense?” 

“Yes ma’am, but what if it kills me first?”

 “You are in the holodeck, Theo.  It might scare you, but it won’t kill you. You are always in control in the holodeck.  Knowing that will help you conquer situations in life.”

“I understand.”

“Good. Remember that the key is to work slowly. If the first animal is too much, back up and make it a smaller, less ferocious animal.  Proceed from there.”

“Thank you, Amanda.” said Theo, with an anticipatory smile.
-----------------------
*The title Chasing Shadows was borrowed from the book by Fred Burton: Chasing Shadows: A Special Agent's Lifelong Hunt to Bring a Cold War Assassin to Justice.

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