I am So Bad

[Cptn Swain 0]

Arden sat in one of the tall chairs that surrounded the main status display console, drinking a coffee and reading a status report on repairs to the stations secondary communications array that had been damaged during a solar flare.

 

Part of him wondered why he’d taken the position in the first place. It certainly hadn’t been much of a promotion, and he doubted his career was going to be furthered by being the executive officer for a station most associated with ending careers. Then he remembered why he’d taken the job and sighed even more deeply than before. What had made him believe that Asher had changed in all of these years? He pushed the thought aside and went back to the status report from engineering.

 

Repairs were going well. The flare had caught them a bit off guard, and there was some gnashing of teeth about that between the stations mostly civilian science corps and the station’s Romulan engineer; but the damage had been minor and they were deploying additional resources to monitor coronal activity. He tapped in a few remarks about the repair progress and filed it away.

 

Next he read through a few dozen personnel requests ranging from a request from an Ensign Moriss to be switched to delta shift to Lieutenant Kaman’s request for different quarters to a handful of demerits being recommended by the stations chief security officer to his juniors who’d failed some inane inspection. Arden hated this part of the job. Politics were fine when it was between empires, but between officers? He could care less. Of course the bigger problem was, his innate ability to resolve conflicts.

 

He had started working on his response to Kaman, explaining that “the view makes me queasy” wasn’t a good enough reason to transfer to a larger set of quarters, but that he’d be happy to find him something comparable to his current quarters when Corris Sprint sat down next to him, handing Arden a PADD.

 

“What’s this?” Arden said, looking over at Corris wearily.

 

Corris logged in and took a drink of coffee. “Today’s arrival schedule and some communications logs I thought you’d be interested in.”

 

Arden felt a sudden sinking feeling, but brushed it off. He skipped through the arrivals without a second look -- he already knew that nothing worth him knowing was happening until later in the week when the new Romulan military liaison arrived. He had half expected some terrible news about Cardassia in the comms logs. He was glad it wasn’t.

 

“Thank you,” he said blushing. “I won’t ask how you knew.”

 

Sprint smiled, disarmingly and went back to work. Arden exhaled and looked back the PADD. Excalibur’s mission was proceeding well. Nothing major to report.

 

I’ll be fine. You worry too much. You were never like this before.

Asher’s chiding echoed in his head as he put the PADD down and his thoughts drifted to their last night together. They’d gone for dinner at Ambrosia and then for drinks afterward at the Grail before making their way back to Arden’s quarters on the station. It had been a lovely night. Part of him wished that every night, every moment could be so perfect; but he knew better than to think that was possible.

 

I wish you weren’t going. Arden had said, as they lay intertwined in the sheets, Arden’s head resting gently on Asher’s chest. We just got back together after, what? Two years? And now you’re off again? I mean...

 

Asher ran his hands through Arden’s dark black hair and kissed him gently. Its just a mission. You know how it is. Soft piano music played in the background. Asher smelled of soft, earth wood and old leather. He always found the best colognes. Besides, we won’t be long. I am sure the pirates will tuck tail and run at the first sight of a Federation task force.

 

But what if they don’t? You will be careful won’t you? It sounded stupid now, like the line out of a badly written holonovel. All he would have needed was an accent.

 

This isn’t my first rodeo. Asher frowned. I promise I’ll be careful.

 

Mollified Arden turned to face his lover. He ran his hands across his muscular chest, stopping just below his collarbone where two stylized ravens gazed across at each other. Thought Arden said, touching one then the other and Memory. I remember when you got these.

 

Do you? Asher’s eyes seemed to say, but Arden rarely forgot anything about Asher. Yes, Arden said. Thought and Memory -- two ravens flying across the world, bringing back gossip to their dear Odin. You’d just been promoted to lieutenant commander -- and you were going to be the ex-oh of the Idrisi.

 

Asher ran his hand through Arden’s hair again, kissing him on the forehead. You wanted to celebrate.

 

It was the four of us...

 

Asher sighed. He pulled away and closed his eyes. Me, you, Charlie and June...

 

I am sorry. Arden said, kissing him softly on the neck. I shouldn’t have brought him... it up... it’s just... nevermind. I shouldn’t have said anything.

 

No. Go on. Say what you want to say. I am going to be gone for a while and you’re not going to hold onto this till I get back.

 

Arden bit his lip. He’d said too much. He didn’t mean to ruin the night. Everything had been so perfect. When he didn’t respond, Asher sat up. Go on.

It just. I don’t want to end up like June Ostander. Alone, by myself after you get yourself killed in this godsforsaken quadrant.

 

Asher pulled back. He was cold. I’ll be fine. You worry too much. You were never like this before. He paused and looked at Arden. I should get going. We have an early morning.

 

“I am so stupid,” Arden said out loud before remembering himself. Corris looked over, but had the propriety not to inquire further.

 

“Commander,” Arden said with a grimace. “Thank you again, it looks like everything is under control here. I am going to catch up on some paper work. If you need me...”

 

“Of course, sir. I’ll let you know if anything comes up.”