Self Review in the Dark

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Assistant Medical Officer's Log

 

Victor sat in his quarters with a scotch in his hand. He could feel the cold of the ice inside it. The “Flower Duet” by Delibes flowed out of the speakers and through to his soul. With his other hand he casually composed the music. Though however much he tried to forget about it, he knew he had blown it. The only way to describe the situation. He had well and truly blown it.

 

A doctor does not just diagnose, a doctor does not just cure. A doctor holds the hand of the patient and tells them it will be all right. If a patient is suffering from a non-physical ailment, the doctor must calmly guide them through it. He must have a great heart as well as a great mind. Victor had failed abysmally at this. He had been unable to defend Mogg’s condition at trial, being brash and unprepared for testimony and he had been unable to counsel Midshipman Nem without irately offloading his own issues on him. How could he have shouted at the poor Bajoran? The midshipman had let out his most deepest, personal secrets and Victor had replied with an answer that basically belittled that important gesture. And it was all because of how messed up he still was about his own parents demise. How they died a meaningless death, alone in a shuttle.

 

Victor had been warned way back at the academy about this. His own evaluator had told him that medical would be a challenge for someone with his personality. He’d been told to go into security, he’d been told to go into command, Barry had wanted him to stay on the Hispaniola. Not a single person thought he could be a good doctor. And just when Victor thought that by making lieutenant he had proved them wrong, something stepped in and proved them right.

 

He finished the liquor and set the empty glass down on the table, then standing, he looked at himself in the mirror. He straightened his uniform. The hearing was going to return from it’s recess in a matter of minutes. Going back in there strongly was imperative.

 

“You’re going to blow them out of the water” He told his reflection and his reflection told him. He gave himself a hard stare and left his quarters.

 

He was just making for the turbolift door when he realised something. Since he first started his duty on the Aegis he hadn’t once sent a message to his foster father and even stranger he hadn’t yet received one from him. He’d never been good at keeping contact with Barry but this had been much longer then normal. Most peculiar he concluded, but it was something for another time when more pressing matters were out of the way.