Winding Down

[Cmdr Ridire 0]

It’s been several hours since the destructive end of the mission and the Reaent, the Valkyrie and the Endeavour were limping their way back to the nearest Starbase. The Captains of the three ships were making plans to arrange some sort of memorial service for the crew of the Regayov. As for the remaining Romulan ship, Aidan had transmitted the Captain’s and his thanks for their intervention, expressed condolences at the losses they had suffered and attempted to ascertain why and how exactly the Romulans had arrived at the scene..the latter of which got nowhere as the Romulan Captain simply said they were heading back to Romulan space and then cut the channel. With that the Romulan ship wheeled around on a course back to Romulan space and cloaked. Aidan had, naturally, ordered Shamor to keep an eye on the sensors to make sure the Romulan ship kept to its Captain’s word. The one good thing about all this was that Aidan didn't have to worry that the Romulans had somehow acquired the technology behind whatever weapon the terrorists were using at the end.

 

Of course that didn't help Aidan’s annoyance at the deaths of the fake Mr. Drew and his confederates. Oh..he wanted them dead…but only after they were interrogated and gave up all they knew. He couldn't help but think that this possibly wasn't the end of the actions of the terrorist group.

 

After the conversation with the Romulan captain and reporting the results to the Captain, Aidan had taken himself down to Sickbay in order to give his wife the opportunity to make sure that the radiation from the weapon hadn't had any lasting effect on him. Also he wanted to make sure that she wasn't effected detrimentally either. Though the first thing he did after he arrived in Sickbay was to pull her into her office so he could give her a good long kiss. He had nearly lost her again, and he needed the contact to reassure himself that no matter how bad things had gotten she was still safe.

 

As much as he would have liked to have insisted that Deb leave Sickbay and come back to their quarters after the medical tests were taken care of he knows that isn't likely to happen. There was simply a lot for Sickbay to take care of now and he knew Deb wasn't going to abandon her duties like that. So he didn't even bring the subject up and simply said he would be in their quarters when she got off duty.

 

Once he was done in Sickbay he returned to their quarters and flopped himself down on the couch after seeing to Nephtys’ empty food dish. He’s in the middle of finalizing his report when the now fed cat jumps up on his chest and promptly settles down purring contentedly. He idly pets the cat as he works on completing his report.

 

Deb sat behind her desk sipping on an iced tea, battling the ever present threat of exhaustion. They were all alive. Even those who were ill from over exposure to radiation would survive. There was much to be grateful for. But they'd lost another ship.....another crew....gone....just as the Cairo was gone. At least the Regayov hadn't been blindsided, as if that fact would comfort the families of those killed. Regayov may have faced her enemy head on but they were still dead.

 

It concerned her that she wasn't all that upset about the loss of the Regayov. Had she become so cynical that such catastrophes no longer bothered her as much as they once had? Or was she simply numb to it all? Maybe it was because there were no bodies to autopsy then reverently place into stasis units for shipment home. She considered the possibilities as she twirled the ice around in her glass with her straw. Deb was reluctant to accept cynicism as the root cause of her apathy. But she chose not to examine the issue too closely.

 

Glancing down, she noticed several bright pink and red stains sprinkled across her trousers. Closer examination exposed additional splotches of various shapes and colors on her blouse as well. She closed her eyes momentarily blotting away the discolorations. When she opened them again, she made sure she was looking at the wall across from her desk. With a sigh, she pushed back her chair and forced herself to stand then slowly walk out of the office. Main sickbay had calmed considerably over the past few hours. Merina was gone already. Deb had literally forced the Caitian to leave, her distinctive tail dragging the ground behind her in sheer exhaustion. Merina was a great asset to the team, even if she didn't know when to shut down and sleep for a few hours.

 

"Why don't you get some rest? Everything here is under control." Studly deep voice startled her. She hadn't heard him walk up behind her. Deb looked into his eyes and offered him a wan smile. "Maybe you're right," she replied, her voice a mere whisper. She cleared her throat and broadened her grin. "I'll be in my quarters. Call me if you need me." Rocco nodded then took her hand and placed it on his forearm. "Come on, I'll walk you to the door."

 

He escorted her all the way to the lift. Neither of them said another word. She nodded her thanks as she stepped into the lift and the doors quietly whooshed closed. She was still lost in her thoughts when the lift came to an easy stop and the doors opened again. She stood there for a moment, her will flagging, her body drained...she felt completely done in.

 

Deb finally took the steps needed to walk the short distance to her quarters. The door opened as she approached. Obviously Aidan was already home. She walked into what had been her refuge for the past several years...to the one person who always made her feel safe and secure. He was sitting on the couch doing paperwork with Nephyts purring loudly in his lap. She stopped in front of him on her way into the bedroom. She had no idea how she looked but he must have known something was wrong. In one smooth movement, Aidan sat forward and removed the cat to the floor.

 

"I'm sorry, Aidan." Her throat burned as she swallowed a sob. "I'm so sorry but I can't do this anymore." She pulled off her comm badge and dropped it onto the coffee table. It bounced twice before skittering to the floor. But Deb didn't notice as she all but ran into the bedroom closing the door behind her. She fell into the bed, soiled uniform and all, and stared at the ceiling. The dark path into grief loomed ahead of her. She would not go there....not this time....never again. She much preferred to remain where she was.... and feel nothing.

 

He frowns darkly and follows her into the bedroom. He pauses for a second just inside the bedroom then proceeds towards the bed. Crawling into bed he settles behind her and wraps his arms around her. Quietly he asks “You can’t do…what anymore?”

 

She knew he'd follow her. A part of her wished he hadn't. Another part was pleased he did. She drew a couple of deep breaths while she considered how to answer his question for he certainly deserved an answer. It was unfortunate she wasn't quite sure what to say. Deep down, she knew this wasn't the time to make a life changing decision. She'd felt this way in the past following one disaster or another. But this time was different. This time, she felt cold to the bone as though someone flipped a switch and she was abruptly plunged into a barren, frozen landscape.

 

Deb turned slightly so she could see her husband's face. His eyes radiated warmth and concern. Instead of comforting her, she felt guilt and sorrow overtake her and she quickly turned away. She knew he probably wasn't ready to hear it. She also knew he was persistent as hell and wouldn't leave her alone until he'd gotten his answer.

 

"This job, I can't do this job anymore." She spoke slowly and distinctly but couldn't bring herself to even look at him. "I don't want to be here. I've seen enough death and misery to last five life times. You can stay if you want to. I wouldn't blame you either. But I'm done here. I'm finished with it all."

 

 

He frowns and sighs quietly to himself. When she had said what she did Aidan, well most of him, had assumed that this is what she was talking about. Still part of him, the part of him that is exhausted by the events that had taken place, had thought she was referring to something else, something worse..that she didn't think she could continue with their marriage. The rational part of him had told him that was ludicrous..it's not like they were having problems in their marriage..but still..for some reason the fear was still there.

 

He tightens his arms slightly and then says "What makes you think that I would stay here without you? That I would want to sleep in this bed alone. For six years now, darling, no matter what I could come back here with you and be at peace and be whole no matter what." He pauses slightly and then asks "And are you saying you'd be content with living in that house in Hawaii alone? Or..would you be somewhere else?"

 

Deb couldn't bring herself to answer. She looked into his eyes and instantly felt like the village idiot....again. She cringed as she recalled her thoughtless statements. Pulling away from him, she moved to a sitting position, her back resting against the headboard. "Of course I don't want to live in that house alone." She closed her eyes and sighed deeply. "And I don't think you want to stay here alone either."

 

Deb leaned her head back further, opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling. "Pay no attention to me, Aidan." She reached out and patted his shoulder. "I'm carrying on like a spoiled brat. I'm just tired...probably need a little leave time."

 

He sits up and leans into her, slipping an arm around her back. Resting his head on her shoulder he murmurs "You are not acting like a spoiled brat. I'd be more worried if what's been going on wasn't affecting you or me at all." He kisses her cheek gently "When I was young the most important thing to me in the world, aside from my family, was this job..commanding a starship. That is all I wanted for myself. However, I met a certain lady who, despite my initial reluctance, I started to fall very much in love with. And eventually she deigned to become my wife which I consider fortunate because she had become the most important thing to me. All I want now is to spend the rest of my life with her where ever she wants. All I want is to spend the rest of my life being her husband, mate, and lover. All I want is to spend my life taking her dancing, cuddling with her, cooking for her, kissing her, watching the Hawaiian sunset with her, sleeping against her and sharing our bed, indulging in all the ways we're intimate and one." He pauses for a second then adds "This job is not important enough to me for me to choose or accept being separated from you. I can't do those things if I'm here and you're on earth, darling."

 

She couldn't resist his sweet words. A smile appeared, unbidden, as she looked down at him, his head still on her shoulder. He was wrong about one thing. She was behaving like a spoiled brat but she had no plans to argue the point. The fight had gone out of her, in more ways than one. Perhaps that was the root cause of her distress. She'd lost the will to plod ahead....she'd lost the will to fight on. But Aidan had not.

 

Deb knew perfectly well he wasn't ready to call in quits and retire to the quiet life awaiting them

in Hawaii. As wonderful as it would be to live there, timing was everything. And she was pretty sure it wasn't his time, not yet anyway. She dropped a soft kiss on the top of his head and asked, "How do you do it?. How do you find a way to keep going?" She shifted slightly forcing him to sit up. "We lost the Regayov. Another ship gone with her entire crew! How do you....accept that and move on?"

 

He shakes his head slightly "I haven't accepted it. Since the fight ended I've been going over in my head how we could have saved them, how we should have stopped those terrorists sooner. I'm not past it yet, Deb. The only small comfort is we got the ones who killed them, I only hope that is enough to give their spirits peace." He turns to face her then brushes a hand against her cheek "How I'm moving on, though, is remembering that I have a wife to live for, that no matter how much darkness is out there beyond those windows there is light to be found here that banishes that darkness. And that we have a life to live together..whether here at this moment or in Hawaii in the future..whether that future is tomorrow, next week, next month or next year." He kisses her forehead and then murmurs "And if you want to discuss on when exactly we're going to grasp that future that is fine with me..whenever you want. I belong to you..." He smiles faintly and then adds "Like a dog on a leash that it's master holds."

 

His smile fades as he looks around them and he says quietly "I can't say I'm not getting quite tired of all this."

 

She did her best not to laugh but a chuckle sneaked out. "A dog on a leash?" Deb swatted him lightly on the arm and grinned. "I assure you, sir, if you were a dog on a leash, I would have a dislocated shoulder by now. You're much too stubborn to allow anyone to lead you about."

 

Before he could reply, her thoughts drifted to his hushed admission that he was a little weary of life aboard a starship. She wasn't convinced he was all that prepared to move on just yet and she wouldn't push him into a decision right now. This wasn't the time for her to decide either. The ugliness of their last mission was still too palpable. Instead, she maneuvered away from him and slipped off the bed. "This uniform is filthy," she said as she pulled her blouse over her head. "I think I need a shower. That always makes me feel better."

 

She glanced over her shoulder as she sauntered toward the bathroom. "If you were a dog," she quipped, "I'd be pulling on your leash to follow me."

 

He smiles and slips out of bed as he says "Well..as you said I am not a dog...." He steps over to her closet and retrieves the nightgown she wore on their wedding night which is his favorite. He walks over to her and holds it out to her and smiles "I'll let you take your bath in peace so you can relax. And I'll see about helping you relax further by giving you a quite attentive massage afterwards. Or would you prefer that I did trail after you into the bathroom?" As he says the last his tone becomes mischievous.

 

Deb giggled and it felt wonderful to laugh again after so much tragedy. He would get her through this and whatever else life threw at them. Alone, she probably would have cracked long ago. But with Aidan by her side, she was confident she could handle just about anything....except maybe Aidan. She winked at him playfully. "It's your call, Commander......your wish is my command.

 

"My wish is your command? Hmm..that does sound quite...interesting." He smiles and kisses her forehead. "Why don't you go take your bath while I think about this some more. We can see to..wishes afterwards, yes? Besides, I did promise you a massage and I see no reason why I shouldn't see to that promise. Though if it wouldn't be too much to ask..I could use a massage as well."

 

As he steps back towards the bed he's glad to see her smiling and laughing again. Life is quite a bit more enjoyable in such cases. As he reaches the bed he looks over his shoulder and says mischievously "However, do try not to take an overly long bath else I will see to getting you out of it."

 

Deb rolled her eyes. "Is that a threat," she asked playfully. "Or a promise." Before he could answer, she strolled into the bathroom closing the door behind her. She smiled at the realization that as long as she had Aidan, life would be interesting.....very interesting indeed.

 

The smile on Aidan's face fades a little as the door to the bathroom closes. Deb knew she was by far the most important person in his life and she should know that he'd move heaven and earth for her. And certainly walking away from Starfleet is far easier then moving heaven and earth. Besides, what was the point of building a house in Hawaii to retire to if one wasn't actually going to retire at some point. He's getting tired of their lives and futures being constantly at risk. All he wanted now was to spend a very long life with her, safe and sound and happy. And between being her husband and the myriad opportunities that both Hawaii and retirement offered it's certainly not like he is going to ever get bored or regret it. His smile returns a little as he decides that he's just going to have to remind her of some of those opportunities after her bath.