But Fear Itself

[Annisha 0]

But Fear Itself

An Annisha, Schawnsee, and Amanda Log

Annisha wanted to talk to Dr. Davis, but she was busy with Dr. Kitty Kat. She’d hurt her knee and couldn’t walk. Annisha watched for a while, but the hurt knee reminded her of her hurts, and that reminded her of who hurt her, and that reminded her of who she hurt….

She had to say it. She had to, had to, had to… “I…” she bit her lip and looked up at Schawnsee, “...I’ve hurt someone dead.” There. She said it.

“What did you say?” Kat looked up shocked at what the child had just said.

Annisha turned to Dr. Shawnsee. “I killed someone dead.” The Rihan girl’s expression dropped to a new low. She had been holding this inside that for her seemed like forever. With haste, she teared up once more and ran to the furthest corner of the Children’s Center to hide. She stopped in front of a big container of stuffed toy animals and dove in. She closed the lid behind her.

“Amanda, go see to her. She will speak to you. She will not talk to me or wouldn’t earlier. The child likes you. Use it to your advantage. I can wait.” Kat says as she takes Amanda’s hand, keeping her from continuing.

Amanda looked up, then back at Kat’s knee. “All right,” she said lowly with a quick glance toward Annisha as she reluctantly handed the medical equipment to a technician and washed up, “I’ll see what I can do.”

Annisha started when Amanda approached her. The girl was clearly distraught, but did she actually mean she'd killed someone? Amanda hoped they misunderstood.

“Annisha,” Amanda called softly into the pile of stuffed animals, “Annisha, don’t you think the animals need a little breathing room? Why don’t you come out so I can see you.”

The lid opened to reveal only her eyes. “It’s safer in here. I don’t wanna.” Her eyes closed and the lid flipped open.

“Oh, and it looks safe, Annisha. In fact, I’d love to join you in there, but…” she sighed, “...I just don’t fit.” Amanda looked longingly at the chest, the 10-year-old’s head barely visible among the toys. “I’d really like to sit with you for a while. I need some company... I really do. Would you come sit in my lap? It’s not as snug as the animals, but it’s just as safe.”

Annisha looked around at the animals and nodded in agreement. She used both hands and pulled herself out, tumbling into Amanda’s arms, then snuggling into her lap. They sat there in silence as Amanda plaited the child’s hair while she waited for the story that was sure to come.

“We were led back to our cells after digging in the mine. I was so tired and dirty. They laughed at us as we walked by, the ones who took us. One was laughing really loud.” She looked up at Amanda. “He laughed at me. I was so angry and ran up to him. There was something on the rock he was sitting on. I just picked it up. I tried to hit him with it. I swung it at him, calling him a Veruul.* He jumped back. Then a big flash of light knocked me down. The man stopped laughing and fell to the ground. I didn’t know what happened. I just ran. There was a ship up a hill. I ran towards it. I don’t know how I got inside or why they did not get me.”

Kat looked over as Annisha talked with Amanda. She tried making out what she was saying, but the child was too far away. She just sat there allowing her knee to rest. After some time Amanda glanced in her direction and gave a reassuring nod.

“Annisha, you said you killed someone.” Amanda’s casual plaiting seemed to be relaxing both of them. “How do you know he died? If he stopped laughing and fell to the ground, couldn’t he have just been hurt? You know, when you fire one of those things, people get stunned so they can’t move and they only look dead.”

“Maybe. I was too far away to see. I was right at him when it went off. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone, just wanted to get away. They hurt me so bad.” She recalled the shocks to her and the others.

“And you did get away, Annisha. And when you did, you saved the rest of the children, you saved all your friends who were being hurt, because we found out about their plans and rescued them. You’re a hero, Annisha, not a murderer.”

Their eyes met, then Annisha hugged her tightly and breathed softly. She remained motionless for a while, clutching her friend. Her grasp loosened; her head remained buried at Davis’ side. Soon the deep, regular rhythm of her breathing signaled sleep. Amanda shifted ever so slightly to cradle the child’s head and body comfortably in her lap. “You’re a hero, Annisha,” she whispered into her hair, “a true hero.”

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* Veruul: A profane Rihan word, loosely translated as “fool.”