Musings ...

[T'aral 0]

*Personal Log - Lieutenant T'Aral, Stardate 2261.93*

 

I have returned from M-113, having completed my objectives. Professor Robert Crater and his wife Nancy remain along with the indigenous life form; a situation I perceive as hazardous. However: as the Craters are not Starfleet officers, the fleet has no jurisdiction over their activities. I can only advise the management of Starbase Harrington to maintain regular contact, and to remain vigilant.

 

My encounters with the M-113 subject have caused me to question myself. In these encounters the creature sought to engage an emotional response from me, apparently convinced that I would act irrationally if emotionally engaged. While the creature's logic was sound when applied to an emotional species it did not take into account that I was a Vulcan, and therefore resistant to its efforts.

 

Resistant, but not unaffected.

 

To influence me, the creature projected a series of forms which it apparently believed would be advantageous to its cause. Their effect, while ultimately unsuccessful, was profound and disturbing. I am left with the challenge of examining myself through these encounters. Was the creature projecting what it sought, or were my responses partially or entirely my own?

 

In the process of serving have I become emotionally attached to this crew, thus compromising myself as a Vulcan? Is this merely an effect caused by my pregnancy - one which will pass in time? If not, how should I proceed? While there are rituals to separate myself from these attachments, they involve creating artificial mental barriers to memories. These barriers would diminish me as a whole.

 

An additional challenge involves the individuals; it seems improper that a parasitical life form would know more about my views regarding my fellow officers than the officers in question. However: when I consider discussing the matter, I find I am at a loss. Vulcan society does not address such issues, and cultural references make it clear that interpersonal entanglements become problematic if not handled correctly.

 

*End Log*

 

 

T'Aral knelt on the floor of her room, a single candle providing illumination. Focusing on the flame, she stilled her mind until the peace of logic and reason were again hers. She would not speak to anyone, for it was illogical to do so. She required nothing from the others, and they seemed to require nothing of her. Her relationships were in a sustainable equilibrium: to do anything that would disturb that balance was illogical.

 

The longer she meditated, the more convinced she was that she was correct. The stresses of her mission and her pregnancy had disrupted her balance, and she did not have an opportunity to meditate properly for the last couple of weeks. In her quarters she was no longer disturbed; stresses could be set aside and she could find herself again.

 

T'Aral was content with this. In approximately 36 weeks she would give birth, and then her body would resume its normal equilibrium and all would be as it was before. She simply needed to be patient.