T'Arr'd and Fether'd

[T'aral 0]

The bar was packed with the dreggs of society. Within it sat two figures: a hooded woman and a leather-clad man. Each wore a few affectations which made race a little more identifiable: the woman bore a Vulcan ahn-woon wrapped about her waist while the man wore an Argelian cloak. Together they sat, waiting for an appointment. As they waited, a heavy-chested Andorian walked up to the table.

 

"Argelian ... you are known as entertainers."

 

Mr. Fether looked up at the Andorian. "My people are. I, however, am not gifted in the entertainment arts."

 

The Andorian looked at the couple crossly. "We came here to be entertained - you can either entertain us, or we can entertain ourselves."

 

Doctor T'Arr looked out from underneath her hood, but Fether raised a hand. Stepping up onto a table, he bid the crowd to be quiet before beginning to sing.

 

"Ich werde in die Tannen gehen

Dahin wo ich sie zuletzt gesehen

Doch der Abend wirft ein Tuch aufs Land

und auf die Wege hinterm Waldesrand

Und der Wald er steht so schwarz und leer

Weh mir, oh weh

Und die Vögel singen nicht mehr

 

"Ohne dich kann ich nicht sein - Ohne dich

Mit dir bin ich auch allein - Ohne dich

Ohne dich zähl ich die Stunden ohne dich

Mit dir stehen die Sekunden - Lohnen nicht ..."

 

By the last verse he actually had the bar reciting the chorus with him ... badly, as none in the bar understood the language being used. Yet as he finished they applauded, allowing Fether to return to his seat. T'Arr looked over to him. "Intriguing. What did it mean?"

 

Fether shrugged. "Ancient Earth song - don't know the meaning, and who cares? It got them off our backs."

 

T'Arr nodded. "Most logical."

 

A wandering Orion sat himself next to them. "And most impressive. I see I will be dealing with interesting individuals."

 

T'Arr looked over. "This is a private table."

 

The Orion nodded. "With people looking to Shogan Torona. That would be me." He gestured to his chest openly.

 

Fether smiled slightly. "If so, then let's get to the point. What's your offer?"

 

"For 'protection'? Your captain is a bold individual to think that she can take on the entire syndicate in this sector."

 

T'Arr stared at the drinks before them. "Yet you are here to negotiate with us."

 

Torona barked out a laugh. "Not at all - I'm here to identify a pair of vermin."

 

T'Arr and Fether reacted instantly, diving below the table as disruptor fire went high. They emerged with their own disruptors, firing wildly into the crowd - injuring some and scattering others before incapacitating their assailants. Within minutes the bar was empty and Shogan Torona found himself squirming under an Argelian boot while an impassive Vulcan looked on.

 

The Argelian knelt down. "Now - let me introduce ourselves. This is Doctor T'Arr. She's forgotten more ways to cause pain than you will ever know. I'm Professor Fether, and I've come to educate you." With that he hoisted the Orion up from the floor and slammed him over a booth bench, causing him to cough violently. "We're in the business of protecting poor unfortunate businessmen like yourself from tragedies such as our captain thinking that she'd like to gut you for fun.

 

"Now, we'd like to help you, but you've made such a bad impression with us that now we have to go back and tell our captain what a bad host you are." He tsk'd in a most lamentable manner. "If I were you, I'd try to find a quick way off this rock. Things go very bad for people who don't respect the Vulture and her crew ... very badly indeed."

 

With that the two departed the bar, leaving the disorder and wreckage for the locals to clean up. Fether looked up to T'Arr. "That went rather well, I think."

 

As they turned a corner T'Arr immediately snapped out a fist into the face of a passer-by before flinging their companion into a wall. Fether grabbed the first one's arms long enough for T'Arr to turn about and administer a nerve-pinch. Inspection of both revealed them both to be Orions with cartel-tattoos and shortened disruptors. T'Arr looked over to Fether. "Events have taken a predictable turn. We should find a discreet route back to the Vulture."

 

Fether nodded. "It's a pleasure doing business with you, Doctor T'Arr."

 

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"Ohne Dich" by Rammstein

"(The System of ) Doctor Tarr and Professor Fether" by Alan Parsons Project, based on a short story by Edgar Alan Poe