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Shalin

Engel

Ship's time was 02:30 The third-shifters were on. Even on a transport like this there were cycles, and this was the quiet one. Shan sat in the corridor outside of the Sickbay, casting a sour look at anyone who so much as tried to talk to him.

 

They didn't understand - they couldn't understand. To them he was just a pilot: he flew things from point A to point B. They all had their plan for what he was to do; all he was supposed to do was to carry out orders.

 

To the pilots, though, it was a different matter.

 

The families and friends were always brave. Their loved ones went out to do the brave and noble work that needed to be done. Yet Shan saw it in their eyes whenever they, their crewmates, or a caring Captain addressed him before departure.

 

Bring them all back safe and sound.

 

Somehow they all treated pilots differently, as if the ability to helm a shuttlecraft or run a transporter gave them a link with the Divinity capable of altering fate. Pilots never felt that themselves - they felt the helplessness of being given the responsibility for things they couldn't control, alter, or affect. They carried the burden of failure because someone had to.

 

They were back on the barge, and he was back to being an unused cog in the machine. This ship had their own transporter chiefs, their own helmsmen, and their own shuttle crews. There was nothing for him to do but to sit and wait for their return and to face the Captain with the fact that he failed to bring back her crew in the same or better condition then when they left. Everyone had their own private hells; this one was his.

 

With nothing else to do, he sat vigil for Marcie outside of the Medical bay - not eating, not sleeping, not talking to anyone. It was a useless gesture, empty of meaning - but it was the only thing he could think to do.

 

--------------------------------------------------------

Erst wenn die Wolken schlafengehn

Kann man uns am Himmel sehn

Wir haben Angst un sind allein

Gott weiss ich will kein Engel sein.

 

Rammstein

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