Here and Now (by Cass & Gage)

[Gage Silver 0]

Here and Now

A Granger-Silver Log

 

 

His focus first on their surroundings and then Cass and Belo a few meters away, it took a moment for Gage to realize that his conversation with the skipper had begun and ended with her passing comment. He glanced between the skipper and Phalen, the latter offering a ride on his giant stinging beast to the skipper’s dismay.

 

“Right,” Gage remarked to no one and closed his hand around the projectile he’d pulled from his shoulder. He considered tossing it for a moment, then stuffed it back into his pocket and mused on its purpose. A .177 caliber bolt that ended in a hypodermic needle the same diameter as the type used for blood transfusions. Too inefficient to quickly bleed out a target and not much of a hollow-point. Intended to take samples, maybe, but more likely a delivery system for something: tranquilizers, tracking devices, psychochemical agents or, at worst, a lethal drug.

 

“Doesn’t matter,” he quietly muttered to himself. Recent spikes in physical exertion had significantly increased the absorption of any drugs that entered his system. What’s done, is done. Still, he should inform the doctor; she wouldn’t like it if he took a turn for the worst and she wasn’t prepared.

 

Gage snagged Cass by the arm as she walked by to take a position ahead. “Hey, pass this to the Doc,” he said, handed her the bolt by the fins and let her arm go.

 

Apparently caught off-guard, Cass glanced from Silver to the bolt and back, shrugged, then turned in the direction of Doctor T’Aral. Gage stared for a minute, the distance from his shipmates growing; fifteen meters, twenty and then he shook the bemused look on his face and scanning the area once more, fell into step trailing their six.

 

After some minutes Cass emerged, pushing her way toward him through the crowd. “Sir,” she began as she came alongside and gave his shoulder the once-over, “that thing looked downright nasty. You doin’ okay?”

 

He glanced at her before snapping his focus on his AOR. “I’m fine,” he bemusedly answered. “Stopped bleeding awhile ago.”

 

Cass nodded. “Looked dry to me; probably nothing in it when deployed. Could have held anything. Still... hell of a stinger.”

 

Gage smirked. “Not any worse than a couple a’ ten-year-olds battling it out in the ditch with pellet guns. Little bastard got me in the knee.”

 

One hand rubbed her neck as though trying to hide her grin. “The knee? Think I’d aim a little higher.”

 

He chuckled and grinned unwittingly, caught her grin in the corner of his eye and then reclaimed his focus with a cough.

 

“Anyway, Sir,” she continued, blinking away her amusement. “Sitrep on security: Souter’s still tailin’ Shalin, who’s mostly up to his normal aimless wandering. Gonzales and Yamanaka’re deliverin’ three mercs to local LEOs - lockup’s at the end of the block here.” She pointed in the general direction of crowd flow. “O’Neill has Hammond with the skipper and Daniels with the exec. He and Moa are on overwatch outside the wire.”

 

Gage nodded and walked on portentously silent. “What about Shavra? She make it back?” he asked, ending the dead air with an arriere pensee that made his jaw visibly tighten.

 

“Came back with Daniels, Sir.” A crane of her neck and she caught what looked like a brunette wig glistening in the sunlight. “Think she’s just ahead of us,” she pointed, “with some of the crew.”

 

“Right,” he sighed, clearly disquieted as he watched Shavra converse with Belo.

 

“Think she can read my thoughts?” he asked offhand.

 

Casting a wary look in his direction as they followed the crowd, Cass thought a moment. “Don’t believe so, Sir. Understand Deltans can be... uh... a little difficult to shake relationship-wise, but don’t recall they can read minds. Then again, she is female, and females tend to... know what a man wants....” She turned away to mutter, “...kind of,” apparently unsure if she’d crossed a line.

 

Gage frowned, but his voice betrayed his banter. “Not what I wanted hear right now, Cass. You’re supposed to say--”

 

He stopped in his tracks, his amusement with Cass fading. Shavra had spotted him and begun heading his way. “... this got complicated,” he grumbled.

 

“Want me to run interference, Sir?”

 

Gage sighed tightly. “No. My problem.”

 

She nodded, stepping back to take his AOR. Gage didn’t feel very appreciative, but he had little choice.

 

Shavra approached circumspectly. “May I walk with you, Gage?”

 

He gestured indifferently and Shavra dismally pressed her lips as she turned to match his pace. “I’m curious,” she began carefully. “Now that the hostilities have ceased, if only temporarily, would it be a good time for us to talk?”

 

“Not really.”

 

“I see.” Her gaze fell to the ground. “Would you at least,” she hesitated, “explain to me my position?”

 

“Now’s a bad time, Shavra.”

 

“I apologize, Gage, but I cannot remain patient,” she lowly retorted. “In truth I am baffled and far more troubled by events as they unfolded than I believe you are. After the moment we shared, I felt confident I understood your romanticism and how you wanted to be approached--”

 

“Ah, geeze,” Gage angrily groaned and rubbed his face, his weight shifting like he wanted to bolt. The implications of what she suggested antagonized Gage in ways that Shavra had likely not intended.

 

“Is it so difficult to listen to me?” she demanded with a rise in her voice, halting in the road. “Please explain the problem to me, Gage, because I’ve laid myself bare to you. It can’t be wrong to expect that much in return.”

 

Gage tensed and turned on his heel, ignoring the curious eyes that had drawn on them as he firmly grabbed Shavra by the arm and drove her stumbling forward. “This is why I don’t want to talk about it right now,” he growled. “Distraction is compromising my OPSEC. And I can’t have you losing your ever-loving Deltan mind ‘cause you don’t like what I’ve gotta say.”

 

He felt her gait steady, resistance weaken and could have sworn her skin grew cold. “Why wouldn’t I like it?” she choked.

 

Gage thoughtlessly let a curse escape. “Can you at least wait until we’re inside?”

 

“Yes,” she answered and glanced at him despondently, her voice and look stirring up such potent guilt that it sharpened his anger. He released her arm with a snap, but couldn’t bring himself to abandon her and reclaim his position from Cass.

 

Truthfully, after what transpired, he didn’t want look the Gunner in the eye.

 

They walked the remaining distance to Phalen’s offices in awkward silence. Once there and before separating, Calestorm drilled him about the incident, and warned "see that you do" when he assured that he would take care of it. He left Cass to oversee security and entered the room Shavra had retreated to, furious with her and the fault his superiors perceived in him for her outburst. Belo knew he felt angry, given the passing look he saw on her empathic face as he left a crack in the door behind him. He glanced at the walls lined in books that Shavra uncharacteristically ignored to stare distantly out a window from where she said at one end of a couch. Gage quietly crossed the small library and sat at the other end.

 

“It won’t work between us, Shavra,” he remarked tightly but within control.

 

Shavra kept her eyes on the sky outside. “Why?”

 

He gave a cleansing exhale and leaned forward on his knees, head down as he carefully considered his explanation. He couldn’t give into his inclination for bluntness; she might shut off if he cut straight to hard reality. “Well, for one, you took an oath not to become involved--"

 

"I plan to retire--" she quickly interjected.

 

Gage tried not to sigh as he added: "And I’ve already been married once.”

 

He heard Shavra shift to look at him and the surprise in her voice. “You were married?”

 

He nodded his hanging head and wrung his hands a bit, his anger fading. “Yeah.”

 

“When did this happen?”

 

“A long time ago.”

 

“May I ask what happened to your marriage?”

 

He brushed off the negative inference of her question and inclined his head with resignation. “She died.”

 

Shavra was quiet for a moment, staring out the window again. “My condolences,” she replied and sounded sincere. “But I fail to see how that destines our relationship to failure before it begins.”

 

“Shavra,” Gage began and paused to curb his revived ire, his voice firm as he continued. “You said you wanted to marry a guy who’s never been involved. I loved my wife. Hell, I donno who you think I am, but I’m not some kind of saint. I don’t fit your mold. Not the mythical guy you’re looking for.”

 

Shavra appeared to briefly consider his assertion and then replied philosophically, “It was a Human author that said: ‘Events in the past may be roughly divided into those which probably never happened and those which do not matter.’”

 

“She mattered to me,” Gage retorted without thinking.

 

“I understand,” Shavra insisted, slowly sliding to sit next to him on the couch. “But your former marriage cannot be an obstacle unless we make it one. Please allow me the opportunity to help you heal.” She ran a caressing hand through his hair.

 

“Stop that,” Gage snapped as he brushed her hand away and then sighed. “Shavra, you gotta face reality. I don’t love you and you don’t love me.”

 

Shavra leapt from her seat and he couldn’t mistake the dark expression on her face when he saw it. “Why would you presume to know my feelings better than I?”

 

“Just hear me out,” he waved. “Y’know, I get it. You’re afraid. You’ve got this funny idea that I’m the guy you have to live with ‘cause all your righteous dreams are over and it’s the only way you can save face. But you’re wrong, Shavra.

 

“Yeah, it happened and there’s no forgetting it. But it didn’t change who you are. Don’t let it. What happened between us doesn’t matter. Don’t let a choice you didn’t make decide your whole future. Don’t compromise with it. You’ll be miserable. I’ll be miserable. Let this whole disaster fade into the bad dream it is. Take your own advice and quotes and live a little. Find the guy you really want. It’s not me.”

 

Shavra stood there dumbstruck, glaring at Gage until she finally spoke. “Bad dream...? But I sensed your affection--”

 

“You sensed what you wanted to,” he interjected and wearily rubbed the back of his neck.

 

“That can’t be,” she shook her head like someone who had just been told to cut the line on their climbing partner. “I know without a doubt that I sense it right now.”

 

“Dammit,” he snapped again, frustration getting the best of him and making Shavra jump. “Stay out of my head. What’s in there isn’t for you.”

 

She would’ve known that if she’d just paid attention, he mused. But why expect that when she obviously couldn’t bring herself to accept he was angry with her, much less realize that he honestly wasn’t attracted to her. Still, how long would it take before one of these prying espers finally busted him for a stray thought? Maybe he was busted already, he considered and gave the door a glance.

 

“Look, Shavra, it’s just how things are. I’m sor--”

 

“Don’t apologize, please.”

 

“You’re gonna have to come to terms with it at some point.”

 

She nodded, appearing speechless as she stared at a corner.

 

“I’ll get the XO to have you beamed up,” Gage remarked, standing from the couch.

 

“No,” she replied quickly and smiled. “I appreciate your concern, but I will be fine. ‘What's gone and what's past help Should be past grief.’”

 

Gage scrutinized her before skeptically drawling: “Okay.”

 

“Please, Lieutenant, I don’t need you worrying about me,” she assured and walked from the room with her head high. Maybe she thought it sounded like light-hearted banter and she was putting on a good front, but Gage only heard bitterness.

 

“Good grief,” he muttered, brushing a hand through his hair and down his neck.

Edited October 2, 2012 by Gage Silver