What is a name?

[NDak 0]

Note: This log occurs just before last week's game.

 

“What is wrong, Sheuji?”

 

Destorie looked over to his father, sitting at the table of the breakfast nook, drinking tea and reading over a report. They’d barely spoken in months, and now alone for the first time in even longer, Destorie wasn’t even sure where to begin, or how.

 

“Na thing, di’ranov.”

 

“Do na lie to me,” D’Lvon N’Dak said, looking at his son disapprovingly. “I know that face.”

 

Destorie exhaled. “It is na thing to worry about, I just need some time to think.”

 

“Au went to see her, na?”

 

“Hmm?

 

Putting down the ISD he’d been reading, D’Lvon turned to face his son. There was so much of himself in the boy, he could still, all these years later get over it. The pride, the ambition.... yet there was something softer to him that he’d never been able to place. Where had that come from... his mother perhaps?

 

“You went to see t’Vatrix, na? Do na try and hide it, au mother told me.”

 

Nodding, Destorie made his way closer to his father and sat down at the table with a thud. “Ie... though I am na sure it was a good idea.”

 

“I see. What did au tell her?”

 

“I apologized.”

 

D’Lvon nodded. He had heard rumors about what happened aboard the Talon. He’d heard that his son had sat idly by while some veruul made an ass of herself and ruined the so’droz of tr’Vatrix and t’Rexan. Issaha had given him more details later, but he’d wondered exactly how Destorie had felt about the situation.

 

“I see. Au apologized to her for the dishonor, ie?”

 

Destorie had wondered how his father might react to his decision to apologize to t’Rexan. “Ie. Though I am sure au do na approve...”

 

Waving a hand, D’Lvon shook his head. “It is au honor, na mine. It is na for me to decide what au wish to do with it. If au believe au have dishonored auself before her, then it is au decision. “

 

“Hann’yyo, di’ranov.”

 

“I assume though, from au sulking, that she was less than receptive to your apology.”

 

Shaking his head, Destorie frowned. “I did na expect her forgiveness.”

 

“I see. Then what did au expect to gain?”

 

“Na thing. … I don’t know. I just felt like I needed to do it so that I could move on.”

 

Nodding, D’Lvon took a drink of his tea. “So what now?”

 

“I don’t know. I know that I cannot continue to wallow as I have with this. I have to move on and try and become stronger from it.”

 

“Ie. Au have let au mistakes haunt au for too long.”

 

“I just don’t know what I need to do now. Issaha is angry with me, my crew hates me, my suprior officer hates me...”

 

“Stop feeling sorry for auself.”

 

Destorie looked up to meet his father’s eyes. They were dark, deep and penetrating. He’d seen them so many times before, and felt them cut through to his very soul. Yet now, instead of coldness, there was a warmth he’d never really felt.

 

“What?”

 

“You heard me. Stop feeling sorry for auself. Au are far more fortunate than many others. Au have rank, power, prestige...”

 

“My own ship...”

 

Lifting his brows, D’Lvon looked more directly at his son. “Au own ship?”

 

He had considered that with the birth of a child, that t’Rexan would likely not return, but he doubted that her bondmate would let the son of a political rival keep such a valuable appointment as the command of the Talon.

 

“What?”

 

“Ie, if what she said is true. The Talon is mine. She won’t be returning to command.”

 

“Well,” he said. “Au must be happy then. Au have gotten everything au wanted, na?”

 

“Na...”

 

“Victory is such a fleeting thing, is na, my son?”

 

“Ie. I thought when this day came, I would be overjoyed. Yet I cannot escape my own feelings of inadequacy and doubt.”

 

“You demand much of yourself, Sheuji. Perhaps that is my doing. au name itself gives au much in the way of expectations, and we have always encouraged au to hold auself to that high standard. We are a proud family with proud traditions.

 

“And you have done that. Just look at what au have accomplished in the face of adversity that would have derailed the careers of lesser Rihannsu. And look at au h’nah, na only an Enarrain at such a young age, but riov rhae a flagship of the Galae. If that is na something to be proud of, then I do na know what au would consider a success.”

 

Destorie nodded, and looked away. His thoughts were as conflicted as his emotions. “Perhaps, di’rinanov,” he said. “But it is hard to also not feel the sting of my failures.”

 

D’Lvon took a deep breath and then exhaled. His son was everything one could ever ask for in a child. Loyal, ambitious, successful and in his own way, deeply caring of his family. From an early age, he had taught Destorie the value of honor and what it meant to be D’Era, the Chosen. Maybe though, he now considered, he’d been to hard on him, pressed him too much. Shaking his head, the elder N’Dak stood and walked over to his son, putting a firm hand on his shoulder and squeezing it gently.

 

“Destorie Ma’Lyn Sheuji N’Dak,” he said using his son’s full name. “Have you ever wondered why you were given such a name?”

 

Looking up into his father’s deep eyes. He’d wondered over the years exactly why his parents had chosen to bestow such a name, and he’d entertained any number of possible reasons. To his memory, this was the first time that his father had offered an explanation. “I would be lying if I said no,” Destorie said. “I have often wondered why I would be given either name.”

 

“You are the child of great men,” D’Lvon said. “But also flawed in many ways. Destorie was a brilliant man and his dream for our house and our Empire was certainly worthy, but his ambition and his pride were ultimately his undoing and they left a mark upon his son, your grandfather that was never fully erased.”

 

“Ie,” Destorie said, more than aware of the history of his namesakes. “That doesn’t explain why you chose to saddle me with such a burden...”

 

Destorie paused as he realized what had came from his mouth. A burden?

 

More surprising, however, was his father’s response.

 

“Mmm,” he said. “Your mother never approved of the name. She said it would bring au nothing but trouble. She said I was forcing a destiny upon you.”

 

“Were you?”

 

“Perhaps. I wanted for you to be something great, to be what both Destorie and Ma’Lyn wanted for their heirs... I wanted you to be... “

 

“What you could not be?”

 

D’Lvon looked away. “Na,” he said. “I have never desired that sort of power. I have never wanted to be Praetor.

 

“What I wanted for au, though, was to know from au name alone that au could be anything au set au mind to be, that au could be great...”