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KhreRiovtRex

No Cost Greater Than To Live With One's Own Failures

A Joint Log by Enarrain Destorie Ma'Lyn N'Dak and Khre'Riov L'haiy ira-Rexan t'Vatrix

 

Destorie N’Dak followed the hru’hfe of House tr’Vatrix, Nemeria was the name she had given, as she lead the Enarrain down the main passageway towards the rear of manor. It was a well appointed home, obviously owned by one of wealth and power judging by it’s size and landscaping, yet inside it was far from being ostentatious. While the main rooms where one would receive guests were well furnished to allow for formal meetings and gatherings, much like those in his own home, N’Dak noted as they moved further through the manor, that several of the more interior rooms had a much more rustic feel to them. These rooms at once gave the impression of comfort and relaxation, decorated with of warm woods, stonework and fireplaces. Some of t’Rexan’s ch’Havran influence perhaps?

 

He found he had na time to ponder upon it further as they had finally reached the end of the corridor where the hru’hfe stopped only long enough to push open a set of glass doors which lead out to a stunning view of the ocean and cliffs beyond. Almost immediately to the left upon exiting, stood the large imposing form of what was obviously one of tr’Vatrix’s body guards, one in fact that had been seen always in tr’Vatrix’s company for many years until recently, and now, charged to watch over his bondmate.

 

“Daise’Erei’Riov tr’Shalor, this officer has requested to speak with the Khre’Riov. Would au fhaen escort our guest,” Nermeria took a quick look at the ISD which had been handed to her, “Enarrain Destorie N’Dak, to see the Khre’Riov? If she chooses to receive guests that is.” Nemeria quickly made her bows to the men before her, and slipped away quietly, as was expected of one of her station.

 

“Ie, I will take him over by the bluff after I double check him for her safety,” tr’Shalor replied as he turned back to face the young Enarrain. “Fhaen Enarrain, stand still and submit to a quick search; it is standard policy.”

 

The bluff? Elements, Destorie hoped to himself, that she did na push him off. He turned his attention back to tr’Shalor and nodded, “Of course.”

 

tr'Shalor ran the ISD over N’Dak, scanned him thoroughly, before holding up one piece of equipment. “Fhaen, look into this device while I run a retinal scan for identification verification.”

 

The armsman did his duty as he was sworn to do, but he did na need the scanner to know who this was. This was an N’Dak. Trouble; each and every one of them, as he had witnessed repeatedly while standing guard over tr’Vatrix these many years. This N’Dak’s particular target, had often been his superior’s bondmate, who happened to be his newest assignment, L’haiy t’Vatrix, though many still referred to her as t’Rexan. He would see that stop if he had anything to do with it. Oh, and ie, he had seen this one in action, or more correctly, in ‘inaction’ just a year past when he allowed the Khre’Riov and Daise’Khre’Riov to be disgraced during their So’Rdaz aboard Talon. It had taken all his discipline to hold his hand that day and only by that single gesture from tr’Vatrix to remain at vahd’rae. The science officer should have been shot, and the Enarrain na far behind for letting her go unchecked.

 

N’Dak looked into the device, curious about the high level of security, but said nothing where he might have ordinarily protested such measures on a high ranking officer, but remembered where he was, and how little his rank held sway here.

 

The device registered and Na’tick tr’Shalor nodded, “Menkha, au are clear. Au may go speak with her, au will find her just over there by that rocky outcropping. I will be nearby if needed.”

 

N’Dak nodded to the officer, “Hann'yyo,” and walked from where the guard was stationed and headed towards the bluff where t’Rexan could be seen perched upon some large rocks. He found the sea air somewhat refreshing after all his time in space and that dismal planet they had been sent to. Reaching a point where he had to leave the brick inlaid pathway, he made the rest of his way across first well manicured grass, which shortly transitioned to the rocky material of the cliffs and wisps of long tall seaside grasses. As he watched his step across the stones, he noticed the fine grit of the rock dust settle upon his well shined boots, but there was nothing he could do about it at this point. He adjusted his approach a bit to the left so he could approach t’Rexan carefully and not startle her, least she shoot him.

 

tr’Shalor followed the Talon officer to where he would be in range to watch over his charge, yet out of earshot of normal speech. The siuren he felt she were in danger however; he wanted to be close enough to assist, as he still did na trust this N’Dak na to push the Khre’Riov off the cliff to the rocks below, and claim she had lost her balance. He would have preferred to have removed the man’s kaleh, but did na wish to dishonor the house by giving insult, so had let him retain it.

 

Meanwhile by the edge of the cliff; lost in her thoughts, L’haiy sat on the boulders as she often did these days, with her eyes shut and listened to the sound of the water below as it crashed against the rocks. It had been a difficult afternoon, but she had finally given him the answer she knew he had wanted to hear. Her answer that she would give up her ship, and remain here on the homeworld with him and their son. She had thought he’d have seemed happier about it, when she told him, but she knew he had just had a long day as well and was tired. Strangely, while it also brought her great joy to do so, there was a foreboding sense of loss tugging at the back of her thoughts.

 

The Talon had for all intensive purposes, been her only true home these last 15 years, and now to so suddenly just give it up and walk away, seemed to leave her with an empty feel in the pit of her stomach. But no more. She would na allow herself to dwell upon it anymore, as she had known this day was coming after what had happened last year, and it had taken her all this time to prepare herself for this eventuality. Besides, how could she be so moody at a time like this? She had a new home now where she felt welcome and even liked by the staff, a bondmate that gave her all of his jol, and their beautiful child. The Elements had finally deemed to reward her for all the hardships she had been through. Na, her life had finally changed for the better, and though she still found it hard to believe, she was finally able to accept that she could actually live this new life. She could finally erase the monster that she had been. She had Var’lon and Val’ron now, and they were all she would ever need. How things had changed for her, a new family, a new body, a new lease on life. Na being shot at every day had it’s appeal too.

 

Destorie cleared his throat as he neared her, “Jolan tru, Khre'Riov.”

 

The voice behind her, familiar, yet out of place here, broke her from her reverie. Strange in that she had na heard it for so long now except hrrau those now infrequent nightmares, but this was na a place where she had expected to have heard it period. Na fahd, hrrau her tiny haven of safety and solitude. Elements, why now of all times?! She opened her eyes, and looked straight out over the ocean, not quite ready to turn towards the voice to her right, and simply uttered a single question, “Enarrain?”

 

“Ie,” he said, respectfully. “Shaoi kon, Khre’Riov.”

 

“Enarrain N’Dak, I’m afraid that au have been shown out here in error, the Daise’Khre’Riov is hrrau the manor house. Fhaen ask tr’Shalor if he would kindly see au to the study, I’m sure Var’lon will be free to speak with au shortly,” she continued to stare ahead over the ocean with her arms still wrapped around her knees and did na turn to look at her visitor. She was na sure she could face him after what he had done to her.

 

“I did na come to see au bondmate,” he said. “I came to see au. To apologize.” Destorie looked towards her, considering the woman he’d come to alternately revile and respect over the years. She seemed somehow more vulnerable now than she had when they’d first met years before, when he’d looked towards her with fear in his own eyes.

 

“I see,” L’haiy was still uncertain as to how she felt about his even being here, at her home of all places. “Why now? Why after all this time?” She quietly asked, still looking ahead as she had not steeled herself to turn and look upon him just yet.

 

“To be honest,” he said, noting that she thankfully had yet to face him, unsure he could maintain his composure when she did, “I did na know the words to say. Nor had I realized the depth of the dishonor which I had committed.”

 

She pushed herself up off the rocks and nimbly jumped down to stand on the ground before him as she finally turned to face the boy. Na. Na longer a boy, but a man now; but na an honorable io to be sure. A silent predator perhaps? She knew better than to let her guard down around this oi.

 

“And it only took au a year to come to this conclusion? Or is it that au are worried now that the mission has been completed, that I might decide to come reclaim my ship? Or that it might be assigned to another?”

 

She looked at him from head to toe and shook her head. He was the embodiment of what was her worst failure overall. Who had she thought she was, to take on all those crewmen and officers that other ships hadn’t wanted to trouble themselves with? The loners, the over-privileged sons of deihu, the trouble makers and the like, and to think that she could ‘rework them’ into a serviceable crew. She had been told it was folly from the start, yet she swore she would do it, no matter what means she had to use. She would beat it into them if she had too, but she would make them worthy, and eventually proud to do their duty and serve the Empire. But in the end, she saw now that she had been wrong, so very wrong. She should have listened to her superiors, she had been a veruul. Standing before her now was the proof, and all the more reason to remain fahd on ch’Rihan.

 

Destorie took a very deep breath and he clenched his jaw as she turned to face him. The softness of her now youthful figure still somewhat disorienting for him. He had been such a fool.

 

“Na,” he said. “While I do care for those aboard the Talon, I am na concerned if I will keep my position aboard or na. The grave dishonor I have committed against au is my only concern h’nah.”

 

Pausing, he pursed his lips for a moment, and considered his words carefully. “It had taken me sometime, ie, to realize just how completely I have dishonored myself before au and au bondmate. I will not lie to au. I let my pride and my ambition blind me to the truth. I did na see the things I should have seen.”

 

“I fail to see how the words that were spoken that day, during our So’Rdaz, were difficult for au to recognize. That au allowed that little fvai to continue her rant, just showed myself and the crew, just how much au supported her. The vriha fact that au went and dug her out of Vikr'l Prison, to bring her back to serve under au, only showed to prove to me, to everyone, how much au agreed with her, and the depths of au disrespect for me.” She had to turn away for a siuren, trying to keep her anger at bay as she remembered that day, and as she felt the nails of her fingers dig into her palms, she relaxed her grip before she drew her own blood. She took a deep breath and turned back towards him. “And to think, I had so much hope for au.”

 

Unflinchingly, he kept his eyes upon her. “Perhaps I did at the time agree with her message -- though na her methods. As I said, my pride … my ambitions betrayed me, and I was unable to control them. It is na excuse, but it is at least the truth.”

 

“Part of me wanted to be happy for au, sure. Au deserved happiness after qu’ii au have been through. But I could na get past the sinking feeling that the alliance between auself and House tr’Vatrix would only spell ruin for myself … it was hard enough to believe that he had allowed my promotion, and I knew that my position was na secure. His appointment of Kavek told me all I needed to know … or at least all I thought I needed to know...”

 

“So au did agree with her,” thinking to herself that Laehval’s assessment of the situation had been wrong after all, N’Dak held na io bit of respect for her and had meant to hurt her, to stroke his own pride and to protect his own interests. “Hann’yyo for that confirmation,” she narrowed her eyes and frowned at him. Var’lon had been right; she should have replaced the boy when she had the chance. How she envied her bondmate his crew, Teronix’s crew which showed him nothing but loyalty, na matter what was asked of them. Ie, this confirmed it, it was time to give up the ship and move on. “Such a disappointment, N’Dak. I put my trust hrrau au, I fought for au when others told me na to be a veruul, that au had already shown au true nature. Am I supposed to smile upon au, and tell au that the Elements and I have forgiven au?"

 

“Au would prefer I lied to au? That I told au that I was happy that my direct superior was bonding herself to a man who had sworn against my life? I did na say I agreed with all the fvai had said, and she acted with great dishonor. You were our commanding officer and au position alone demanded we show au honor and indifference to our feelings, and in that we failed. I do na pretend to be guiltless. Should I have said something? Should I have vaporized her on the spot? Ie, but I did na. I did na even begin to know what to say then.”

 

“And as for why I brought her back... well I thought I would give her a chance to redeem herself; as au once gave me a chance, when perhaps au should na have.”

 

“I can na even begin to tell au of the depths that au have hurt me N’Dak,” she could na even bring herself to call him Destorie anymore. “Even with our past history, I tried repeatedly to give au that chance to impress the Daise’Khre’Riov, to show him that au were ready for au own command. That au had untapped qualities which were still to be seen. Why do au think that I put au up for promotion? It was I that pushed for au promotion to Enarrain, though many argued against it due to au age and past history on Talon. They argued with me then, and again when I put au in charge of such a sensitive mission, with the ship fully refitted for battle. I had given au everything I had! My crew. My ship. My trust. Everything I’d known these many years, except for my bondmate, and then au helped take that away from me as well, took away what should have been the happiest day of my life, a day, I had felt privileged to share with the crew in the stead of my family.”

 

Destorie looked away but for a siuren, trying to maintain some sense of composure. His voice had weakened. “I did na know then,” he said, “that au were showing me compassion. I did na allow myself to think that au cared for me. I only allowed myself to see it as a plot and ploy against me. I do na expect you to forgive me...”

 

“A plot against au?! A ploy against au, au say?!" She interrupted him, “Au think much too highly of auself Enarrain. That has always been au problem with na only me, but the crew. Au think too much of auself. Think veruul!! Why do au think tr’Vatrix was so intent on threatening au to keep me alive? He was ‘trusting au’ to keep me alive. Trusting au to bring me back to him, because of his jol for me. That, and he had read you spot on, that your need for self-preservation would see me returned safely to him here.”

 

“I did na see it as such. I was blinded. Blinded by my pride and ambition and it has cost me the io thing I hold most dearly -- my honor. I do na expect au to forgive me. I can na even begin to imagine how deeply I have hurt au, how deeply I have dishonored au -- au who spared my life, who took me under her wing, and then I threw it qu’ii in au face because I could na allow myself to trust au.”

 

Now beyond his ability to hold his emotions in check, tears had begun to slowly trickle from his face and he wiped them away, angry that he allowed his emotions to finally come out, and even angrier that he could not will them away.

 

“All I had wanted to do was to give au the chance to prove auself. The Dumak’azen issue was a quite touchy thing; it needed someone with resolve, yet a willingness to be strong. I felt au were best for the job, when it was presented to me, to take leave from the ship, another Enarrain was being sought, I insisted on au. tr’Valdrin also would have been a fine choice, but I felt au had more command experience, so pushed for au to remain in charge, and the crew already knew au. I wanted to let those at Galae know the trust I held in au. Trust I held,” she paused a siuren, “until that day.”

 

“Ie,” Destorie said, “but I did na know that au trusted me. Or did na allow myself to believe it. I was a veruul. I see that all to clearly now, but there is little I can do about it.”

 

He looked away again, before meeting her eyes.

 

“Au had to know, that bringing her back to the ship, would be yet another thorn, did au na? Virtually a slap to my face? Intentionally to hurt me further. How could au?” this time, it was her voice that wavered.

 

“I thought … I thought I could give her a second chance. A chance to redeem herself. I know she had chances before, but never had she so deeply dishonored herself. Perhaps I was projecting? I do na know. Perhaps I saw in her too much of myself. It was a deeply flawed notion, I see that now too. She was beyond redemption.”

 

“Perhaps. But perhaps it was because au had feelings for her as well? I had noticed au watching her often, au feelings for her betray au N’Dak.” She bent to pick up a stone, turned it over in her hands, then tossed it over the cliff, watching it fall out of sight.

 

“However, in the midst of my disappointment with au, I do find that I do have to thank au as well. It conflicts with all my feelings for au at this siuren. Half of me wants to slap au and send au upon au way, but I saw some of the battle footage from Dumok’azen, and it brings au io siuren of redemption. I reviewed the battle, saw how Teronix moved to protect Talon at io point, and then, when Talon was still somewhat vulnerable, how au moved to protect Teronix when they were hrrau a precarious position with their flank exposed and already heavily damaged from protecting au. I know now that au hold na loyalty to myself or my bondmate, but au did protect him enough that day, and because of which, that he was able to return here to be with me. And for that io thing, I do offer au my thanks. That is the type of behavior I had hoped au would show him, to show him au worth, to show him that he could have trust hrrau au. But I’m afraid, it may have been too little, too late.” She did na tell him what his fate would have been had something happened to Var’lon hrrau that battle through any type of purposeful inaction by N’Dak. It would have made her earlier dealings with the Cardassians during the Dominion War, look like a walk hrrau the park.

 

“You are welcome,” he said, lowly. “While my loyalty to au and the Daise’Khre’Riov has na been,” he paused, “what it should have been, I would like to think that my loyalty to the Empire has been unwavering.”

 

“He is head of Galae. Au respect for him should have been the same as to the Empire. As for au science officer, I do na even know how to broach that subject. I suppose she has had na regrets for her actions either. Most likely proud of herself for having upset me so completely.”

 

“She claimed to have regretted her actions,” he said, “though I think she only regretted the consequences. I had come to realize that, as she continually defied everything it means to be with honor. I saw that she cared only that she had been punished. That is why when the Daise’Khre’Riov requested her transfer, I willingly gave her to him and had her transferred. I did na know what he intended at first.”

 

“What do au mean, he requested her?” a bewildered look crossed her face, as she shifted her stance, na comfortable with the rock she had been standing on, turned and kicked if off the cliff besides her.

 

Destorie also looked confused for a siuren, he had assumed that tr’Vatrix had told her what he had done with the woman.

 

As she noted the question on N’Dak’s face she continued, “We have spoken very little about the events of the mission, as we were busy with our son, and wanted only to spend some joyful time together. We’ve yet to debrief on the particulars of most of the mission, deciding to wait until we returned fahd, but he’s been busy attending to the Fvillah since we’ve returned.”

 

“My apologies,” he said, with a respectful tip of his head, as he had given her often when they served aboard the Talon, old habits easy to fall back into. “Before he left to return to the homesun, he requested she be transferred aboard the Teronix. I did na inquire further into what he intended to do with her, and frankly did na care any longer.”

 

“And have you since had word? Has she been returned to Vikr'l?” she noted the worried look that crossed his face. “Do na worry, I most likely have clearance to hear of whatever was done.”

 

Nodding, he exhaled. “Ie. We made a choice to protect another io, who had long served the Empire but was condemned to yy’a due to her actions. t’Jhiin took her place hrrau the execution.”

 

“Executed?” in a quiet voice. It seemed she would have a few more questions for Var’lon tonight than he might be expecting from her.

 

“Ie,” he said. “Though perhaps unwittingly, her act may have provided some return in honor for her, as her yy’a allowed someio deserving of life to remain free and to continue serving the Empire. Though I doubt she saw it that way, or went willingly.”

 

“Au were present? And did na move to save her? Au had feelings for her, did au na?”

 

“I was present,” he said. “And I had agreed to the switch ahead of time. As for feelings for the susse-thrai … na in the way I think she imagined. I wished to see her regain her honor, and felt something of kinship for her, but na thing of that manner, na.”

 

“I see,” it was almost unsettling to know, that the object of her disdain, h'nah na longer pulled breath. She was surprised however; that Var’lon had na mentioned it to her, but perhaps na so surprised as he most likely did na wish to upset her while they had just reunited and were sharing the joy of their child.

 

Pausing he took a very deep breath. “Rehkkai,” he said. “I do na pretend to know what I need to do, or what I could do to regain the trust au once held in me. I know that I have acted with disregard to my honor because I was too prideful, too caught up in everything to see what was before me. If I were more of a Rihannsu, perhaps I would throw myself upon my own kaleh, but I realized a long time ago that I do na have the fortitude to end my own life in such a manner.”

 

“Cease right there. I do na wish to hear au speak thus, na matter how deep au have wounded me. I do na need another io of my officers thinking or doing the same. I just spent the last year watching Laehval recover. Which, is another matter of contention that I have with au. Her position is now compromised because au had to go throw something into tr’Pexil’s face out of spite. We had managed to keep her hidden, on special assignment, but now that others know, it will be difficult to get her a position back aboard a ship. Na thanks to au.”

 

“Her recovery,” he said, genuinely relieved and surprised at the same moment. He hadn’t heard the rest of what she said. “She has awakened?”

 

“She has, and is undergoing therapy to regain her strength. So do na ever let me hear au insinuate that au intend to do the same,” she glowered a bit at him for the suggestion, thinking to herself he truly was a coward.

 

He was genuinely relieved to hear that Laehval had been able to recover from her injuries. He had felt incredibly responsible for Laehval’s attempt at suicide, and felt even worse that he had na been able to assist in her recovery. That she had lived was a minor relief of the burden he felt.

 

“As I said, au do na have to worry. I am too much of a coward to take my own life.”

 

He paused and put a hand to his holstered kaleh. Removing it he took it by the blade and extended his hand, offering her the hilt. “I understand that there is little I can do to regain your trust in a single action, and that it could take the rest of my life, and au would still be justified. I offer au my life as collateral towards the opportunity to prove to au … and to myself that au trust was na misplaced.”

 

As N’Dak drew the blade, she noted tr’Shalor reaching for his own weapon and preparing to close ground to where they stood. She raised a hand towards him, waving him back, that she was fine for the siuren. “It is ok tr’Shalor, I’m fine.” She took the offered blade and turned it over a few times hrrau her hand, weighing the heft and balance of the blade, then turned it back to hand it back hilt first to the man before her.

 

“Don’t be a veruul N’Dak. What do au take me for, some blood thristy monster that is going to yy’a au on my own lawn? Keep au blade, it is obviously a family heirloom from the looks of it. Nice balance and weight though.” She paused a suiren to nod again at tr’Shalor, then continued, “However, if au do have even io shred of respect remaining for me as au claim to have, then I would ask that au refrain from ever intercepting my correspondences again, or I just ‘might’ be tempted to use one of these upon au. I’m known to have a good hand with io, and I think I have earned at least a bit of privacy. I know that my rank at least demands it of au. As it is, I could have au demoted for what au have done, but then again, after what au have already done to me, does it matter at all to au?”

 

He holstered the kaleh, only loosely aware how close he’d come to yy’a moments before, and sighed. “I apologize for … intercepting the correspondence. I was concerned that he was reporting to au and na to me. My pride … is something that I must still learn to control. It will na happen again.”

 

“It will be au downfall if au do na learn control it,” she turned back towards the ocean “As much as it was mine.”

 

“I know,” he said lowly. Regaining his voice somewhat as she looked away, “I only hope that you will give me the chance to prove myself...”

 

She continued to stand with him somewhat to her back watching the birds riding the air currents just past the cliff, “H’nah, au will na longer have to worry about what I think.”

 

Taken by surprise, “What do au mean?”

 

“I would think that it would be somewhat obvious,” she turned to face him. “Au do na see too many infants on the oira of a D’deridex class warbird do au?”

 

The child. He had only loosely considered it. He had wondered if she would return to active duty, or perhaps her well connected husband would keep the Talon close enough to the homesun that it would na be an issue for her to leave occasionally, but then again he remembered her first child had died while she had been away, rhae a mission.

 

“Au do na have to fake surprise, I half expect au came here today to confirm if au would keep the ship or na, to find out if I would be remaining on homeworld or na?”

 

He shook his head. “I did na come here for any reason other than to apologize, rehkkai. To be honest, I did na expect to keep the ship, long term. I had assumed, before I knew of au child, that you would resume command. I had thought that perhaps our mission profiles would be adjusted so that au could remain in command, rhae the Talon.”

 

“Well, I just gave my bondmate my answer na an hour ago, I will be remaining fahd on ch’Rihan with he and our son. Perhaps io day, I may once again take command of a ship, but that time is na now, as I have other obligations that require my attention. After the results of au last mission, I assume that au will remain in charge of the ship if au haven’t already been replaced. Au finally have what au ambition was driving au towards. Does this please au?” she stated a bit sarcastically.

 

“So that is that, then?” Destorie said flatly. “I will na lie, I have wanted command of my own ship, and I will also not lie and say that I have na desired command of the Talon, but I had always wanted to earn it on my own merit. After the last mission though, I was na sure I had earned it or that I was worthy of commanding it. To be honest, part of me was almost … reassured by your probable return. I am young, head-strong, arrogant, prideful and occasionally blinded by ambition. I let my emotions get in the way of making decisions. That is fine when au are a disheren, but as as commander of a ship, I now realize how dangerous that can be, and how I must grow as a person and as a commander.”

 

“If tr’Valdrin had na been assigned as Governor, au might have had a hard time retaining her, I will be honest with aul. He is a fine officer and has had na blackmarks rhae his record; however the post he was placed in, was more fitting of his engineering background. As for myself, we still have na decided if I will be working on some projects at Galae Command. It is most likely that I will remain in some sort of a consultant or instructor role for h’nah, so I will na be giving up my rank or position. Only my ship at this time.”

 

“If au have decided to remain, rhae ch’Rihan to raise au child, I wish only the best for au and au new family. Should the Galae choose to allow me to remain in command of the Talon, I will continue to serve and try and prove that I deserve the position. As I said earlier, I did na realize until h’nah, how much I owe to au. Au have shown me more kindness than I deserve, and I have na done well by au. I doubt it will mean much, or that there will ever be anything I can do for au, but if au ever require anything of me … you need but ask.”

 

“I would like the return of my ISD, for one. The one that Morgana found and gave au. I only found out about it after she had already done so, but then again, you’ve probably already broke the encryption and read my posts? On second thought, never mind.”

 

She had na realized how upset she was going to be at seeing him, and worse yet, to be the one to tell him that she had gave up the ship. He had hurt her, hurt her deeply and here she was yet again, rewarding him for his actions. His father would be laughing all the way to the banquet hall this evening once he heard the news.

 

Lifting his brows, Destorie blinked. “I … I can return it to au. It is still aboard the ship. And, ie, I did read it. Only because Morgana told me to, though. Had I na, I wouldn’t be standing here, I do na think. It took that simple, half-written log to make me realize just what an idiot I had been. It wasn’t until that moment, that I realized how blind I had been.”

 

She closed her eyes; she had been afraid that they had read it and seen her words. “Keep it, I was only going to wipe it anyway,” she stated. Thinking to herself that he must think her a veruul for the words she had said on the device. “

 

Her words stung at him, like the salty air from the ocean stung at his eyes. “As au wish, but my offer still remains. Should au ever need anything from me, I will oblige. I was rather serious when I offered au my life. H’nah, I suppose I should take my leave, then?”

 

She nodded, still unable to look towards him. All the hurt welled up in her as though a wound freshly re-opened, so that she could na turn to face him at that siuren. “Ie, I suppose au must return to Talon and make preparation for the eventual notification that she is to be yours. tr’Shalor will show au to the flitter pad if au are ready Enarrain.”

 

“Ie, though I will na be returning to Talon so soon. I must attend to my family, and check on some of the crew who are doing retraining.”

 

She wanted to give him one more thought to ruminate over before he left, but could na bring herself to turn back towards him again. She wanted to just warn him that in life, one eventually finds out that there was ‘no cost greater than to live with one’s own failures’. She knew her own personal failures would forever haunt her and still pulled at her as if weights hung from around her neck while trying to swim hrrau deep waters. Perhaps his own failures would weigh upon him some day, but knowing his ego and ambition, it was likely that he would na recognize them for what they were, and would most likely laugh at her veruulish words. She decided to keep her council to herself, speaking na further.

 

He remained for a siuren to see if she had more to say, but when she remained silent with her back to him, he turned and walked back towards the manor.

 

Led out by tr’Shalor, Destorie barely realized that he was in a flitter soaring above the capitol city, being driven by Kanaen tr’Saein, a long time family servant. His thoughts were jumbled with emotions, and clouded by a mixture of guilt and relief. Months had passed since the incident and he had not really considered, even as he had walked towards her on the bluff, what he would say. Now, at least, it was over.

 

He doubted that she would ever forgive him. He only wondered if he could forgive himself.

 

“Rehkkai, we’ve been cleared for landing near the Retor...”

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Hann'yyo Lerik. Ie, I believe he was embroidering io for au as we speak? Or wait...was he knitting or crotheting it for au?

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