Visitations of Forgiveness, Rebirth and New Beginnings

[KhreRiovtRex 0]

A Joint Log by Daise'Erei'Riov Laehval t'Temarr, Khre'Riov L'haiy ira-Rex t'Vatrix and Daise'Khre'Riov Var'lon tr'Vatrix

 

The visit to the medics had gone extremely well that morning. Their son, Val’ron, was a picture of health and as close to the hundredth percentile on his growth measurements as they could wish. The medics had na complaints or worries, and were surprised that the child had so easily adapted to sleeping so well planet-side, which had been a worry after he had spent his first month of life with the power of a Verelus-class dreadnought resonating all around him. Reluctantly handing the child to Var’lon, L’haiy kissed both goodbye, as her hand tightened on his for a siuren, na really wanting to part from the two. “Hann’yyo E’lev, for letting me go rhae this visit. Now go have fun. Au two are bound to be the main attraction around Galae and the Retor this day.”

 

“Are au sure au do na wish to come with us? He is your son as well,” Var’lon asked as he brushed a wisp of black hair back behind her ear. His hand lingered lovingly for a moment on the sensitive nape of her neck. “We should do this together.”

 

“I would love to E’lev, but I do na wish to be a distraction, which au know I would be. Na, this is your day -- boys’ day at the office, as it were,” she grinned up at him. “Now get going, I’ll see au both this evening. If au like, perhaps au could bring me one of those puff pastries they sell at that little bakery down the road from the Retor. Au know the one; but do na go out of your way.”

 

“If I can, I’ll be sure to bring au back several. Just be careful, alright? Do try to keep your distance. I am still na comfortable about this visit to the engineer.” He bent to kiss her farewell, then motioned for his guard to precede him. “However, au will come with me when we go to visit the Preator. Na argument. I’m na doing that visit alone,” he said firmly as he gave her shoulder a light squeeze. “There, I would na mind a distraction taking his petulance from my shoulders.”

 

“Ie Rekkhai, I will attend as ordered,” She snapped to attention and saluted him, knowing full well that she’d pay for that later, as he was already pointing a finger at her and mocking an angry look. “Do na worry, E’lev,” she relaxed and grinned up at him, “I will keep your precautions foremost and will mind the warnings of the dheno as well. Besides, she’s ‘my engineer’, remember? Your gift to me that night; au would na have given me something dangerous, ie?” she sassed him back. “Au had best catch up to your own dhenos. I’ve arranged for Nemeria to be available for au at your offices if au need to hand him off for a bit or if au need to attend to some business while hrrau the office. Now off with au, they are all waiting to see our son.” While she smiled up at him, she gave him a nudge to follow his dheno.

 

“And here I thought only the Preator could give me orders,” Var’lon quipped as he turned.

 

She stood and watched her bondmate recede down the corridor with their son ensconced in his arms, and waited for him to round the corner out of sight before she herself turned to head towards the recovery ward where she was told Laehval was still housed. The heels of her shoes clicked on the tile, echoing as she walked down the long empty corridor towards that part of the hospital. She was aware of the difference of the sound, having been on the ship the last few weeks. She had gotten used to the sound of deck plating once again and was surprised how much she actually missed the reassuringly solid sound of each step.

 

Walking past the seemingly endless facade of dull olive green walls, she had forgotten how sterile, bare and austere this section of the facility was. Not that it mattered to many, as the majority of those housed in this wing had little hope of either recovery or regaining any semblance of consciousness. She once again thought of how discouraging this must be to those assigned to work in this sector, and could understand why they actually looked forward to even her constant visits and bedside vigil. Imagine that, someone actually looking forward to her being anywhere. “Well, there’s always a first time, ie?’” she mumbled to herself with a grin, not letting tr’Shalor in on the joke.

 

Trying to illicit even a glimmer of a smile from the hospital staff had been a challenge when she’d first started visiting. To gain their trust, she began to bring colorful fruit baskets and boxes of chocolates especially for them. True, she had an ulterior motive, having learned long ago how to manipulate the people around her and make them think that they were the ones getting their way. Thus a few simple treats could be used to curry their favor and ensure that Laehval would receive a modicum of respect and care far above what they would normally bestow. The woman deserved at least that much.

 

As she rounded the next corner and entered the recovery ward, she remembered to drop off one of the two boxes she had brought with her to the main staffing desk of the ward, knowing their proclivity for the fine chocolates she always brought with her. The simple people fahd had been easy to sway, and she found that she had na problem getting them to make special allowances for t’Temarr’s care as well as during her own attendance by the woman’s side.

 

Inquiring if the patient happened to be awake and able to receive a guest, one of the staff noted that Laehval was indeed awake and had been doing some therapeutic ‘tinkering’ in io of the storage wings and could be found there. However, as she caught tr’Shalor’s glance and the shake of his head, L’haiy decided to request that they ask to meet in a conference room instead. She asked the nurse to please see if Laehval would be kind enough to join her there. She had to repress a smile at the look on the woman’s face who was clearly unhappy about having to leave the confines of her small desk and the sweets that had just been delivered, fearing that they might all be gone before she had returned.

 

While the one staffer went to inquire if t’Temarr would agree to meet with her, she had another lead her to a private meeting room and once there, requested that a pot of tea be brought for them. She watched as tr’Shalor and his team made a swift sweep of the area; stopping only when they had finished inspecting the room, ensuring that there were no traps or listening devices. Finally satisfied, he dismissed the others to station in the other corridors, while he himself moved to the corner behind his charge; where he could stand and observe the woman that tr’Vatrix had informed him had tried to kill his wife. He would have a clear shot if needed. Noting what tr’Shalor was doing, L’haiy shook her head at him and motioned with a wave of two fingers for him to retire to the corridor as well, as she wished to speak privately with the woman. With a frown of disapproval, tr’Shalor finally nodded in acquiescence and removed himself to take station outside the room in the dimly-lit passageway, guarding the doorway.

 

Moments later, io of the orderlies, dwarfed in size by tr’Shalor and a bit thrown off by the search at the end of an ie’yakk, brought in the tea that had been asked for as well as a plate of fruit. L’haiy supposed that her new bodyguard, now permanently assigned to her by Var’lon, had done this many times for the man she had bonded with, so she did not stop him from doing his job. The orderly was clearly rattled; so much so that his hands were shaking and he nearly dropped the entire tray. She watched as he quickly placed it and made a hasty exit from the room. The man would never survive the pressures of space, she thought as she reached across to the chipped enamel pot, poured herself a cup, and waited to see if the engineer would join her. She hoped that she would.

 

Laehval was surprised when she received t’Rexan’s request, though she had hoped that the other woman would visit eventually as she had many apologies to make. Cleaning up, she left the makeshift workshop that now dominated most of her time within the hospital and followed the nurse to the designated meeting room. Her pace was slow but steady. It was becoming easier to navigate the halls and walk for longer distances without being completely exhausted, though she still had to deal with muscle spasms on a regular basis. She hesitated for a moment in the corridor when she saw the guard waiting outside the room, not recognizing him, but assuming that he was part of t’Rexan’s new retinue. Taking a deep breath, she approached the door and stopped abruptly as he moved into her path.

 

“t’Temarr?” the imposing figure of tr’Shalor loomed over her.

 

She nodded. “Ie. t’Rexan asked for me.”

 

“Au will submit to being searched before au enter.” His tone of voice left no doubt, that he would be thorough, and that if he felt she was any threat, she would be dealt with accordingly.

 

Laehval blinked. A little over a month ago she’d been all but dead to the world. Now, she was still learning to walk. If he’d pushed her, she would have fallen over with little resistance. Clutching the cane she used for support, it was obvious that she was no threat. However, she did not begrudge the man his duty. She had been the one to slide a blade into t’Rexan’s gut and for that she would always suffer. Nodding wordlessly, she assented to the search.

 

He was extremely thorough as he patted her down, checking her clothing, her shoes, and her cane for anything that might be used as a weapon to harm his charge. Not realizing the extent of her weakness, he nearly knocked her over once. She had to grab his arm to remain upright and leaned heavily on her cane for a moment as her legs threatened to collapse. Some unknown emotion flickered across his face (pity? disgust?) as he waited for her to recover before gesturing her inside. Laehval wobbled her way through the door, feeling unsettled and weak by the encounter.

 

“Rekkhai?” she asked softly, searching for the woman she’d stabbed, while lingering by the door. This moment was the one she’d been dreading ever since her awakening.

 

Hearing the voice at the doorway, L’haiy stood as the woman entered. “Laehval,” she nodded in thanks for her arrival. “Hann’yyo for taking the time to come see me. Won’t au please come join me?” She motioned for her to come sit in one of the leather armchairs beside the small table holding a tea service. L’haiy had chosen to use this seating rather than the main conference room table that took up most of the room, hoping it would provide a more causal and relaxed feel to their meeting. “If you have the time, that is?”

 

“Of course, rekkhai.” She dipped her head and slowly walked to the table, using one of the chairs for support as she neared. Her legs were beginning to spasm as she’d not used them enough that day and was due for her therapy session. As she neared, she had a difficult time meeting t’Rexan’s gaze.

 

“My apologies. I did na realize au might have difficulty. I should have perhaps came to au. I did na as I had wanted to give au the choice if au wished to see me or na, and na invade your personal space. May I offer au assistance?” asked the Khre’Riov, taking half a step towards her to offer her an arm if needed.

 

Laehval shook her head lightly, pulling the chair out and sitting with a slight groan. “Na, the walk was good for me. I have been doing better with the therapy and am na so weak, but my muscles do na always want to cooperate as they should. The medical staff has been most helpful.”

 

“My most sincere apologies. Had I known,” she shook her head at herself. “When they told me au were tinkering down in a workshop, I did na think that au might still be having difficulties. They made it sound as if au had been up and about. Fhaen, forgive my inconsideration,” she said, taking her previous seat. “Au are still feeling pain?”

 

“Na as much any longer. Na physical pain.” She finally lifted her gaze to meet t’Rexan’s eyes. “Emotional pain, perhaps. I am still burdened with the guilt of what I did to au.”

 

L’haiy stopped mid-reach for the teapot, having planned to offer Laehval a hot beverage. Instead, she reached across to place her own hand on Laehval’s. “Fhaen, Laehval, feel na guilt. Au did what au had to do; look at those au saved by doing so. I hold au no enmity for it any longer. Once, perhaps I did, but na longer. So fhaen, do na burden yourself with guilt that au should na be held to. It is misplaced and a thing of the past.”

 

The touch was unexpected, but not unwelcome. Before, Laehval might have seen it as weakness, but now she saw it only as compassion -- compassion she desperately needed. She nodded, knowing the guilt would still remain until she could at last release it, but she did not argue. It was a sign, however, that t’Rexan had changed. “I hope that au truly know that it was na my intention. It has weighed heavily on me since.”

 

“Laehval, fhaen look at me. I want au to put this matter aside. It is in our past, and the past is where it will shall stay. I know we had spoken shortly before au left the ship; before au had done this to yourself.” A slightly sterner look crossed her face for a siuren,” Au had told me au were fine, but evidently au were na and hid it deep inside. Au lied to me. Lied to me, and then went off and did this,” she motioned towards Laehval’s own midsection. “I feel that I’m the io that has failed au. Failed au for na having seen how much au were hurting; hurting so much that au felt the need to do this to yourself. Failed au enough that au felt au had to lie to au Khre’Riov.”

 

Lightly squeezing the woman’s hand, L’haiy continued, “Fhaen, do na put such pressure upon yourself. Don’t feel au have to lie to me. I want au to trust me. Fhaen trust me, I understand more now than I ever thought I would.” With a last squeeze, she let go of Laeh’s hand and reached for the tea pot, pouring herself a drink, and motioning towards the other cup. “Would au care for a cup as well?”

 

“Fhaen,” Laehval said softly as she reclaimed her hand, letting it fall to her lap. “My di'ranov has been to visit me several times and has told me much of what I missed while I was unconscious. I must thank au for the visit you paid my family and the honors bestowed upon me. They were unexpected. My family knows little of what I do on the Talon and prefers it that way. I think au have changed my di'ranov’s outlook on that score, and that is io service I can na repay.”

 

L’haiy poured the tea into the woman’s cup. “The honors were deserved and defended before the awards review committee, so never let anyone tell au differently. I will na lie to au though, there are still those whom opposed my recommendations, but they were na there. We were; so it was my right to do so.” She did na mention that her own bondmate was io of those that had objected.

 

A few moments of silence passed before she continued, “Meeting your family was,” she reflected for a moment, “enlightening to be sure. However, I was pleased to see the inroads your di'ranov has made and the time he has spent here speaking to au. He came often and sat by your side, sometimes expressing to me the regret he felt for letting things become as they were. He may na be good at expressing it, having held it in for so long, but I feel he is truly proud of your accomplishments. The awards, as I said, were well earned. He knows this now. He knows the truth of what au did, na the rumors that had spread, and I’ve personally seen him keeping your medals dust-free and polished, waiting for the day they could be presented to au. On this matter, I was only too happy to have helped him regain that path. There is na need to feel au owe me anything for that.” She held off mentioning Laeh’s mother, the encounter still bringing a bitter taste to her mouth. Even now, she still felt the need to beat some sense into the woman. That, or just give her the beating she well deserved.

 

Laehval avoided mentioning her mother as well, for little had changed. Not even the wrath of t’Rexan could sway such a spiteful woman. She slid her tea toward her and lifted it to take a sip, gazing for a moment at her reflection in the liquid. “I must also thank au for staying here with me while I was asleep. My di'ranov told me of your constant vigil and I was very touched by it. Au, who have the most reason to hate me, cared for me more than my own family.”

 

L’haiy set her own cup down a moment and pulled her chair up a bit closer to Laeh. “I do na hate au, and it was the least I could do, as I feel that a lot of what has transpired has been of my own making.” L’haiy spent a long moment staring at the floor, trying to find the right words. “Laehval, fhaen let me apologize to au for having caused au so much pain and anguish over the years. Having met your ri'nanov, I see now that my own actions mirrored the woman’s unforgiving need for control. I must have seemed just as spiteful, controlling,” she paused, “and perhaps, even hateful. It was never my intention to be thus, and I ask your forgiveness for any pain that I have brought to au over the years by my lack of trust and need to have such a firm grip on everything.”

 

Laehval’s jaw twitched as t’Rexan strayed a little too near the truth, though Laehval hadn’t realized the connection until just then. Much of who she was had been determined by her mother’s inability to love her and unwillingness to accept her as she was. t’Rexan’s encroachment into her department had made her resentful and spiteful, feeling as though her professional judgment was never good enough for the Enarrain. Echoes of her mother’s disdain bounced through her mind. “Au have na need to ask for forgivness, for au could na have known and did na intentionally set out to cause me pain. I hold na malice toward au for anything that took place between us.”

 

“Hann’yyo, Laehval,” she said as she inclined her head to the woman. “I was na sure au would even wish to see me, let alone forgive my prior actions. I know in the past, I had tried a few times to mend things between us, and each time, I have failed. I would like to try again, to start anew with au now.“ Pursing her lips into a hard line, she lifted her eyes to meet Laehval’s. “Knowing now what au faced at home, I’m surprised I lasted this long before tasting your blade. I was barely there dev siuren and was ready to pound the woman into the floor, just to beat some sense into her. I must say, au must have enormous strength to have put up with na only her, but myself for so long. t’Ksa’s tr’Aieme, the khiensa I’ve spoken with these last several months, was quite surprised by my own restraint after hearing the story.” She grinned at Laehval, trying to make her relax. She hoped that by sharing the fact that she too had been under the care of the counselor, it would make Laehval not feel weak about doing the same.

 

“I was as well. I am surprised that au did na strike her yy’a, as I have often wished to do myself.” She let out a deep sigh and turned her thoughts elsewhere. “I was also surprised when my di'ranov told me that au had bonded and were with child. As au na longer seem to be pregnant, I can only assume that au have already delivered. Au look remarkably fit for a woman who has only just had a child. Is the baby well?”

 

“Ie, it is true. I have bonded, though I realize now that au were perhaps io of the few that were probably unaware of the fact, or the controversy it has caused. I have bonded to Daise’Khre’Riov Var’lon tr’Vatrix, head of Galae, and we’ve been together now,” she paused to calculate the time, “it’s been just over a full year now. It’s hard to believe it has been that long already; and that au have been fahd just as long. A year later, and I still hear rumors that I’m some sort of ‘evil clone trying to infiltrate Galae and subvert its military leader.’ It’s all so ridiculous, but I try to stay out of public view as much as possible because of it. I wish to bring na question or shame to my bondmate’s daily duties, nor distract from the work he must do.”

 

“I can na even imagine what the general public thinks of our bond, when my own crew opposed it so vehemently and turned on me; we had only thought to invite them as I had come to consider them as part of my family.” A distinct glower darkened the woman’s face, eyes narrowing and fists clenching, giving away the obvious hurt she still felt by the betrayal of her crew. After a moment of not continuing on that topic, she shook her head and gave a wave of her hand to dismiss the thought and move on.

 

Setting her cup down, she motioned towards the fruit and indicated to Laehval to help herself if she wished, as she herself took a small piece and set it on her plate before continuing. “As for your other question, ie, we have since had a son. His name is Val’ron, and he is off making his first inspection tour of the Retor and Galae Headquarters with his di'ranov, as we speak. I’m sorry au could na see him today. I would have loved to have shown him to au, but Var’lon would na let me bring him fahd with me. The last time I came to visit au I had been attacked hrrau the courtyard, so he’s already wary of letting me come fahd at all. I’m sure au noticed his bodyguard outside the room, whom has been assigned to me now?”

 

“Ie, I did notice him. Is he entirely necessary? Who attacked au, rekkhai, and why?” She couldn’t think who would do such a thing, especially in a public setting. The news about Talon was also distressing, because Laehval couldn’t imagine a single reason why the crew would be against a bonding between their Enarrain and tr’Vatrix. Who would be so foolish as to openly oppose such a match between two such powerful people, especially when one of them was their own Enarrain? It made absolutely no sense.

 

“I’m afraid he is, as we do na know specifically who the attackers were. We do have our suspicions as to the reason why and are fairly certain of it too, as I was na the only one to have been attacked.” She did not go into the specifics of the offenses committed against Morgana t’Ksa, as she herself had only seen portions of reports which had been available to someone of her authorization level on the secure Galae server. She had planned to discuss the matter with Var’lon to see if he was able to tell her more, once he had some time available.

 

Studying the woman before her, Laehval suddenly realized why t’Rexan looked so different. She had seen the younger, healed version of the woman, so her youthful appearance had not come as a shock. However, L’haiy was not in uniform -- a garment that Laehval had rarely, if ever, seen her without. The change was puzzling, to say the least, though Laehval assumed that she had been on some form of leave while carrying her child. If so, who had been commanding the Talon?

 

As she had few other sources of outside information, she had to ask. “Have au heard any news of the Talon? My thoughts have been on the crew for some time, wondering how they were and if they were taking care of the ship. My father thought they were due back to ch’Rihan at any time. Was anyone there aware of what I... of my situation?” Had anyone told Lerak? She didn’t think she could face him, not after the letter of hatred he’d sent her. From the tone, it sounded as though he didn’t know what she’d done, though it was all a matter of interpretation.

 

At the mere mention of the Talon, t’Rexan’s demeanor altered drastically. If Laehval had thought t’Rexan’s face had taken on a black look earlier, the scowl and knit brows she wore now did nothing to mask the utter abhorrence she held at the mention of that word. Though she could not hear exactly what the woman quietly murmured to herself, she could have sworn she was able to make out ‘Talon’ and something about ‘they could all yy’a hrrau the fires of Areinnye for all I care.’ This, was a little more like the t’Rexan of old that Laehval had known, but just as quickly it had passed and a demeanor of calm returned, which was completely unexpected.

 

“Rekkhai?” That such an obvious question would bring t’Rexan to a state of unbridled hatred was surprising. Laehval shifted uncomfortably in her chair, unsure of what to say as she didn’t know the circumstances behind the encounter.

 

“My apologies,” L’haiy said seeing the look on Laehval’s face. “As much as I’ve tried to change, the Talon is still my one stumbling block. I continue to have difficulty getting past the way they disgraced me during my So’Rdaz, in front of my bondmate and members of his crew.”

 

“In all the time since I disembarked, a full year now, I’ve only heard from two of them offering any type of an apology. Only t’Ksa and your dishern, tr’Pexil, bothered to make an effort. Na one word from N’Dak, which I think has disappointed me more than anything. This after I promoted him to rank of Enarrain, entrusted him with the care of my newly refitted ship, and put him in charge of a difficult, high-priority mission while I took a short leave to celebrate with my e’lev.” She paused once more before continuing, “I had wanted to give the boy a chance to redeem himself to the Daise’Khre’Riov; and this, this is how he repaid me.”

 

“Do au know what he did?” Her hand began to clench again. “He stood there. He stood there, na uttering a word, letting the ceremony be disrupted, letting her go on and on. For that matter, na io of them spoke up or tried to stop her. To add to the insult, after the little fvai had been arrested and transferred to Vikr’l Prison, he requested that she be transferred back to the Talon to serve under him. There could be na clearer message to me of his disrespect, his disdain for me, and his support of the hateful words she spewed. She ruined the one day of joy I’ve had in over thirty years to that point. It would na surprise me if the two of them had been conspiring together, or that they had somehow been working in league with his family all along to get control of the ship.”

 

Laehval continued to frown. “Rekkhai, I admit that I was na there, but I must say that what au have described does na sound like N’Dak at all. He respects au more than that, surely.” Though she’d never said exactly who had been causing such trouble, Laehval could well imagine. “Perhaps it was only shock of such behavior that prompted his inaction, for Galae officers are expected to observe some level of decorum in those situations. I can na possibly imagine what that must have been like for au, but I think au make a grave mistake to think that the entire crew is against au. Your bonding was something of a surprise, was it na? Au, who we have known for so long, have never shown any interest in matters of jol or family. Au have always been the stoic Enarrain upon whom we could rely, ever vigilant against Imperial enemies, and always in control. Can au na imagine the shock it must have been for the crew to see au na as a command officer, but as a wife and the lover of a man held in such high regard? Had I witnessed it in the flesh, I would na have been able to believe the truth of it. And yet that single instance has colored your entire opinion of the crew -- a crew who has long respected au and would wish au nothing but goodwill and happiness. If au will forgive me, Rekkhai, au have never been the easiest person to approach. Au are extremely intimidating, especially when au show your ire. I would na be surprised if some were apologetic but were afraid to contact au.”

 

L’haiy originally had no intention of even mentioning any of this to Laehval, but somehow it had all come pouring out as if a wall of flood water had been loosed from behind a damn, just by the simple mention of the ship and crew. Perhaps this is what the counselor had been pressing her for all this time while she had resisted, pressing it deeper and avoiding it. Strange, how just a simple word from a woman she had known for years, and for so long thought had hated her to her core, could have such an effect upon her. She sat forward in the chair and rested her head in her left hand, the elbow sunk into the arm of the worn leather chair. After a moment, she reached up with her right hand and drew forefinger and thumb together across her closed eyelids towards the bridge of her nose, pressing away the moisture that had started to gather.

 

“Llhei?” Laehval thought for a moment, that t’Rexan might actually come to tears before her.

 

She waved t’Temarr back to her own seat, as she just needed a moment to compose herself. “I had,” she stopped as her voice broke a little and cleared her throat, still resting her head in her palm as she gazed at the floor. “I had na thought of it that way. It was so sudden, so unexpected. I thought they’d be happy for me. Instead I found nothing but embarassment and hurt. Anger led me that day. I’d have killed the woman on the spot, but Var’lon stopped me; stopped me three times if I remember correctly. Since na a single io of them spoke against her or tried to stop her, I just presumed they all felt the same. It never occurred to me that they may have simply been surprised and unsure of what to do.” Finally lifting her head and clasping her hands together on her lap, she lifted her eyes to meet Laehval’s.

 

“Though, I’ve been wrong before. I’ve learned to admit that much from recent events. These last several months, sitting here by your side, I’ve had much time to reflect upon the things I’ve done in my past. That, and I’ve learned things which I had na known of from others that had been formerly silent; lies and false assumptions that I allowed to shape my past. Had I known differently, had I made a few different decisions, I’d have been a completely different woman. Perhaps au are right and I should na blame the entire crew; at least until I know more. It could be that they were waiting for their leader to make some sort of amends before they tried as well. I should na have been so quick to judge.”

 

Forcing herself to sit up straighter and not let herself give in to senseless sobbing, she continued, “However, that leaves me uncertain about the boy. All this time, and yet, na a word. And what of him bringing that miserable little....” she trailed off, exerting all self control to keep from launching into a seething tirade once again. “What confuses me is why he would bring that woman back aboard my ship? Why na leave her to the prison? But, I will think upon what au have said, and will try to control my thoughts until such time as I might actually face them again. Then, we will see if what au say is true and I have misread the situation.”

 

Pleased that t’Rexan hadn’t dismissed her suggestion immediately, Laehval nodded her approval. “It would be best if au try to think objectively about the situation for a while and release the emotional aspect of it. It is far too easy to become blinded by emotion, as I well know. Until au actually speak with Destorie, au will na know the truth of the matter. Perhaps there were other factors that weighed heavily in his decision.”

 

L’haiy nodded and looked thoughtful. “I do have to admit, I am also surprised by some of your other words. It was my understanding that most of the crew outright detest me; that it was fear and na respect that kept them in line. As for intimidating and hard to approach, I do na know what to say. I just presumed they saw me as a broken old woman that they had to obey because Galae said that they must.” L’haiy had not realized what a relief it had been to actually talk to someone who also knew of those she spoke. Telling the counselor had not been quite the same.

 

“Just as I assumed that those in my department considered me cold and cruel,” Laehval pointed out. “Despite the distance I tried to keep between us, there were some that knew it was but an act to prevent emotional entanglements. Perhaps some fear au, ie, but there are also those that serve out of respect. I was io. I never feared au, Rekkhai, or thought of au as broken or weak. Despite our differences, I still respected au for your courage and dominance in battle. The mutiny was the work of a handful of people, na the majority. Had the entire crew disliked au, there would have been na resistance. Au might want to remember that next time au begin to doubt yourself.” Laehval smiled warmly.

 

She returned the smile and then remembered Laeh’s other inquiries. “I’m sorry, I’m rambling on now about my problems, and have na answered your other questions. Au asked me, if others knew what had become of au, but the authen is na, nobody else knew of au condition. It was na common knowledge; only the command staff, t’Ksa, NDak and myself knew. All anyone else had been told, was that au were on ‘special assignment’. I felt it best to keep your circumstances from your record and safe from general knowledge, in hopes that au would one day recover. I wished only but to protect au. Then about two months ago, tr’Pexil, currently serving hrrau your post, reached out to me asking how au were. I told him him little; only that I was unable to let him know where au were, as it was classified. It was then that he informed me that he had already heard what had happened and was just inquiring if au had awoken yet. From what he told me, he had learned of your condition from N’Dak. It seems that Destorie had been monitoring Pexil’s outgoing transmissions and confronted him as to why he had been trying to contact me. Evidently, as a way to anger and hurt tr’Pexil, N’Dak flippantly threw your condition into Pexil’s face. Pexil seemed to feel some blame as well for your condition once he found out.”

 

Laehval shook her head. “Na, he was na to blame. I will let na other carry that burden. Lerak has almost always been kind to me. He was, in my department, my only true friend, I think. He allowed his feelings of friendship to develop into something more, and I foolishly indulged him. Even then I craved a change in my life, I think, and did na know how to allow myself to have a true relationship. I was afraid and lashed out at him because of that fear, but he was na to blame. It was my own insecurity and guilt that led me down this path. Had I allowed myself the luxury of jol, things would now be vastly different, but I was na ready then. I do na know if I will ever be ready, but I now know that it is impossible to live in such fear.” It took strength for her to admit how wrong she had been, least of all to t’Rexan, but she felt relieved for sharing.

 

“I am sure he would be pleased to hear from au at some point,” she suggested. Pausing, she took a moment to consider Laehval’s confession, finding it very surprising. She had been unaware of any such relationship between her engineers. It certainly explained Lerak’s interest in Laehval’s condition.

 

Uncomfortable with the silence stretching between then, Laehval spoke, “Au said that t’Ksa also knew of my circumstances? I assume that she is still aboard the Talon?”

 

“Ie, she is currently serving as the executive officer once again. The former that had been assigned that post, Daise’Erei’Riov Kavek tr’Valdrin, now serves as the interim planetary governor of Dumok’azen, the planet the Talon had most recently been assigned to assist. I am sure she is na vriha happy about this development.”

 

Setting her cup back on the table, she continued. “And now I face the time where I must make the hardest decision I have had to ever make; if I will return to the ship upon it’s return, or remain fahd with my family. Somehow, I doubt that I will ever step onto the oira of that ship again. I have a child to attend to now. On that matter, I intend to inform tr’Vatrix this afternoon of my decision.”

 

Laehval’s expression saddened somewhat at the thought of t’Rexan abandoning the Talon. Realistically, she knew knew that she would likely never set foot aboard the ship again, but it didn’t seem right that t’Rexan should simply give up the position without a fight. Had her circumstances been different, Laehval would have requested an immediate reinstatement to her former post, but she had unfortunately lost those privileges the moment she plunged the dagger into her stomach. Once she’d regained her strength and was released from the hospital, she would be fortunate to find any position within Galae again. Damaged as she was, it was unlikely that anyone would be willing to take a chance on her, especially not with an attack on her Enarrain on her record. No matter that she had been cleared of the charges, no one trusted an accused mutineer. Her attempted suicide would be proof enough for others of the guilt she carried.

 

Laehval frowned. “Though I was aboard the Talon before au took the post, Rekkhai, I can honestly say that I can na imagine anyone else commanding her. I hope au do na give up the honor of commanding her again. She deserves a strong leader that respects her.”

 

t’Rexan did not know what to say to that. The woman she thought hated her the most had just told her that she felt she still belonged in command of the vessel. She had thought her decision would have been an easy one, but now, the conflict and confusion kept pressing at the back of her thoughts.

 

“Laehval, if I may? Fhaen let me impart a few words of wisdom to au before I go. The Elements have deigned to let us both start again, to get a fresh start on life. Leave the troubles of your past life behind au. I have, and I am the happier for it, for the most part. I know that in the past you tended to suppress your feelings and keep them buried deep down inside, letting them fester in an unhealthy way. Au tended to heap blame upon yourself and try to make up for it later. There is na need for that now. The fact that au performed the Ritual of Fire and Blade tells me au felt au must give a life to make up for it. Do na feel that au failed. The price has been paid in full. Au were yy’a. The records prove it. And then, au were brought back. Au have na further debt to pay, and are free of your former constraints. It is the same for me. I too have sworn to cast aside mistakes of my past and start anew. Au owe nothing to anyone. Au have a new life ahead of au. When au are ready, let me know if au wish to return to Galae ship duty, and I will see what I can do.”

 

It gave Laehval a small measure of hope, but she was still too afraid to allow herself the luxury of dreaming that it might actually come to pass. Feelings of confusion and indecision filled her and lingered. She didn’t know what her future would hold, but she heard t’Rexan’s words and took them to heart, for they echoed the conversation she’d last had with Maec. “Thank au, Rekkhai. I still have much to contemplate upon that score, but I do appreciate your kindness.”

 

L’haiy heard the tap at the door and saw tr’Shalor step in. She frowned, mildly dissappointed that the conversation had to end. “I’m sorry, it seems my conveyance has returned to take me back home and I must depart for now.” Standing, she realized she had left a package over on the table and crossed over to retrieve it and hand it to Laehval. “I brought au a get well gift. I hope au enjoy the chocolates.” Placing a warm hand on Laeh’s shoulder, she paused. “Once again, fhaen let me say that I am truly sorry for having made your life so difficult these last years, and I humbly hann’yyo for your forgiveness. Elements know that au forgiveness is more than I deserve, I have gravely wronged au in the past. I do however have io other question for au, if au would but allow me to ask this one thing of au? May I come visit au again?”

 

With the box in her hands, Laehval met the other’s gaze steadily and nodded. Her emotions were already raw from her ordeal and she found them welling up inside of her, threatening to spill free. Her eyes filled with tears; a rare thing from Laehval. “Ie. I would like that. Hann’yyo.”

 

Before t’Rexan could turn leave, Laehval caught her up in a warm hug that carried with it all of her true feelings and the gratitude she could never fully express.

[Lerak trPexil 0]

A great read you two and thanks for the mentions. :)

 

Pexil - Captain Caveman

[KhreRiovtRex 0]

Hann'yyo, but don't forget Var'lon as well, he helped in the beginning! And Yea, he and Laeh are both awesomeness, I love to write with them!

[Cptn Swain 0]

A wonderful read!