Memoirs of a Brythton

[JJLexi 0]

The following is an excerpt from the Alpha Quadrant's best selling book of the year 2417: Jryd Lexi - The Biography of Bravery, interwoven with live events immediately following the sim of 5/20.

 

 

 

 

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Chapter XVI: The Klingon Warrior.

 

I have it on good authority that there is very little that is more dangerous in this universe than a Klingon warrior who's honor hath been besmeared. That just so happens to be something that I can claim to have done, and lived to tell about it. Now,' how can that be?' you might ask. Everyone from my harshest critic to my most ardent of supporters knows that, for Brythton standards, I am a slight man. Against a Klingon, I should be no match! Which leads me to the story of how I managed do it.

 

It was on Starbase 2, and I was returning to the Reaent from the second 'Kor the Klingon Tenor' concert in as many days. . . .

 

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JJ had never felt so invigorated by a concert. From the touching renditions of Bette Midler and the Carpenters, to the powerful performances of Michael Bolton and Celine Dion, he was beginning to understand why many music historians consider late 20^th century human music the best when it came to producing love songs. As he walked back to the Reaent, his feet barely touched the ground. He was walking on air, dancing amongst the clouds. If it were possible to fall in love with a moment in time, JJ had just found his moment, and he didn't want it to end.

 

But end it did, at the chest of a Klingon warrior, who was none too pleased to have his bloodwine spilled all over his tunic. In the aftermath, JJ had accepted a duel, one he had no intention of taking part of. He had scurried bath to the ship in hopes that the Klingon would never find out who he was or where he went. But find him, he did. And now, there was nothing but the officer of a deck and a turbolift ride separating JJ from his adversary. He had no choice but to face the Klingon in combat.

 

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Now, being not a man of brawn, nor one of exceptional fighting skill, there were still two advantages I had over this brute of a being, and those two advantages were brains and surprise. If this lug had the audacity to think that lacked intelligence to the point where I would enter into a duel with him with only the might of my arms, he had another thing coming to him. I grabbed the ceremonial staff I was given at my deharmonization ceremony. For those of you unfamiliar with the my familial symbol, it is that of a H'hlaa branch. So naturally, my father had my staff rigged to spray H'hlaa water from its point as a blessing. Well at this point in my adventures with the Federation, I was all out of H'hlaa water, but I had learned how to refill it. . . .

 

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Grabbing his staff, JJ headed straight towards the science lab. He had an idea. It was sneaky, it was underhanded, and, most likely from the standards of a Klingon, it was dishonorable. From JJ's perspective, sacrificing honor for life was a reasonable action. He entered the science lab, part of him was expecting to see Annabelle there, conducting an experiment or doing some lab housekeeping, but then he remembered spotting her with her beau, Lieutenant Tomlinson on the ship a few hours earlier. He knew Anna would most likely be less than pleased with how he planned to utilize her lab, but he also knew her to be a kind and forgiving soul, so her wrath would most likely be short lived.

 

"Computer!" he spoke, his voice still quivering in the fear he felt. "Are there any plants of the genus. . ." he thought about it for a second, trying to remember the name. "Oh damn, I knew I should have studied harder in my taxonomy class." he muttered.

 

"Unknown genus, please restate your request" the monotone voice of the computer responded to him.

 

"Oh shut up!" he barked. "I wasn't finished!" he went back to thought, what was it? Capsilla. . .capsillum. . .capsicilla, "CAPSICUM!!!!!" he shouted. Capsaicin was what he wanted, which came from plants of the genus Capsicum. JJ had received a lecture of its various fruits from Chief Petty Officer Winston from the janitorial department, who was a connoisseur of all things spicy. JJ had no use for spicy food himself, but he had remembered from that conversation that concentrated Capsaicin was used as a deterrent by Human law enforcement to this day.

 

"There are no plants of the genus Capsicum currently in stock."

 

"Oh. . .b'lhAh!" he cursed. "Can the replicators produce concentrated capsaicin?"

 

"As an irritant, capsaicin is a Class III controlled substance, proper security classification is needed."

 

"Does Lieutentant Lexi have the proper security classification to produce concentrated capsaicin?"

 

"Affirmative"

 

"Excellent!" he exclaimed, moving over the lab's replicator. "Computer, 100 mL of concentrated capsaicin at an intensity of 500,000 Goville units."

 

"Unable to comply, measure of intensity invalid"

 

He felt himself begin to jump up and down in impatience, his wrists failing in front of him in impudence. "What do you mean invalid!"

 

"Unrecognized unit of measure."

 

JJ let out whimper of worried frustration. "Ooooooh! Computer what is the proper measure of intensity for measuring capsaicin."

 

"The proper measure of intensity for measuring capsaicin is Scoville units."

 

"Goville, Scoville, gah!" he shouted. "Computer, replicate 100 mL of pure Capsaicin at an intensity of 500,000 SCOVILLE units."

 

"As an irritant, capsaicin is a Class III controlled substance, proper security classification is needed. Please state security code."

 

"Lexi Tango Tango Bravo Bravo."

 

"Security classification approved, please be advised, as an irritant, capsaicin is a Class III controlled substance, your request will be logged and submitted to the chief science officer, chief of operations, and executive officer.

 

"Fine, fine!" he said. Fear was beginning to give way to extreme impatience with the computer. The vial of capsaicin appeared in the replicator. Carefully, JJ took the vial and slid it's contents into his staff. With a deep breath, he headed back towards the TL, he was now ready to take on his adversary.

 

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As I rode the turbolift elevator up from the science labs, a sudden rush of confidence poured over me. It was as if the Song was reborn inside me! It was as if the souls of all Sovereign warriors before me converged within me for one single moment. Right then and there, I could tell you that there was not an adversary that you could place before me that would strike even the slightest fear within me. I made my way out of the turbolift and walked out of the Reaent, and there he was, my adversary. Later, I would find out his name was Togh, Son of Yorg. But in combat, names hardly matter. The only thing that does is fighting skill, and battlefield prowess. And if just for one day, I possessed both.

 

"I, Duke Jyrd Lexi, Honored Lieutenant of Starfleet, Second Born and Second Heir to the House of Plyla, Son of Alstar Lexi, Honored One Star of the Sovereign Marines, humbly accept the challenge you have offered. I have chosen my weapon. Choose yours and accept the fate the Song has chosen for you." Those were my words, that was my acceptance. There was indeed no turning back at this point. And I had no intention of doing such.

 

The Klingon let out a bellowing laugh, one which boomed throughout the entirety of the deck. He leaned in close, drawing his mek'leth, and whispered. "So you have decided that today is a good day to die. I will ensure that your death is an honorable one. My little blue friend."

 

With that, he brought his mek'leth to bear. Without hesitation, I extended my staff and expelled its contents into his face. The warrior let out a scream of pain. I narrowly ducked out of the way as he swung his weapon wildly about, unable to see me. With a deft blow to the side of the head, I stunned him. With a slashing swing to the back of his legs, I brought him to his knees. And with one last battle cry, I landed a final strike across his face, and felled my enemy.

 

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The whole display looked not much unlike a frightened schoolgirl swatting away at a bug. With high pitched screaming, and an untold amount of whimpering. JJ kept swinging at the now unconscious Klingon, jumping and yelping with each strike. After about 9 or 10 of such strikes, he dropped his staff and went running into the Reaent. An hour later, the officer of the watch found him, curled up in the corner of holodeck 1, with no program running.

 

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And such is the heroic story of my epic battle with the Klingon warrior. One of the many times in my travels with the Federation in which looked death in the face with a defiant smile and live to tell about it. It is a story of triumph! And a story of victory not only for me, but for the Sovereignty! It is proof positive that we are the bravest, fiercest fighters this universe hath seen! Let that be the day when the rest of the universe came to that realization and collectively said "Let no being, big or small, friend or foe, forget the fighting spirit of the Champions of the Sovereignty!"