Finality

[Eva Jaz 0]

Eva stepped through the door of her quarters, rubbing her temples. She took her uniform jacket off, throwing it on a nearby love seat.

 

Running physical and psychological tests on MCPO Harvester to discover the underlying source of her insomnia had taken the better part of her double shift. That and the little time-wasting escapade to main engineering for Lt Commander Faldek's amusement.

 

Standing in front of the mirror of her small bathroom, the doctor shook out her curls, freeing them from the tight fishtail braid she wore on duty. She sighed out loud, looking at the dark shadows under her eyes. She looked positively exhausted, yet her body still felt restless. Removing the rest of her uniform, she stepped into a needed sonic shower.

 

******************

 

Eva removed the pillow from her face before sitting right up in her bed. The wall chronometer displayed 2:36, she rubbed her eyes before letting herself fall onto the mattress. She let out a small ironic chuckled as she realized that she wasn't getting much more sleep than the enlisted crewmember she had taken off active duty for that very reason 36 hours earlier. Come to think of it, every single one of Jaz's hosts had suffered bouts of insomnia. All five of them had been focused personalities with obsessive traits.

Eva shifted to her side to look at the holowall currently displaying soothing waves. "Computer, play Jaz insomnia mix, volume level 3."

 

She closed her eyes as the ocean sound filled her quarters.

 

*************************************

 

Keeping her eyes shut as if to will her body to stay asleep, Eva sighed again before throwing her pillow off the bed. She slowly opened one eye, hoping it was morning and that she had slept an entire night. The green numbers of the chronometer seemed to mock her, changing from 3:57 to 3:58.

 

She tossed and turned again. "Computer, stop music."

 

The humming of the engines was now the only sound. Eva starred at the ceiling wondering what was keeping her awake, again. The 3 or 4 extra coffees she had drunk before bed were long gone through her system by now. Sure, just like Harvester, the thought of being somehow in a universe where another Eva had been killed not too long ago was on her mind. The thought was eerie, but it wasn't exactly the thought of the other Manticore being wiped out of existence that kept her awake.

 

She did not like the idea of Jaz's life ending with her. Another Trill should, one day, carry the symbiont and its memories as she did those of Jebel, Saranni, Tenan and Layben. Her essence, who she was, should be preserved for centuries.

 

She knew of a fear lots of beings through out the galaxy had; realizing at some point in life that they were mortal and would probably not be remembered once the ones that they knew passed away. Trills were supposed to be different. She was supposed to be different.

 

Death in itself did not scare her, it was only a new beginning. She remembered dying four times already. Not all of Jaz's hosts' deaths had been pleasant nor peaceful, but they all had known that somehow a part of them would go on.

 

How was one supposed to come to terms with their own...finality?

 

The chronometer alarm resonated in her quarters as she still struggled to find an answer.