Not Desperate

[Kelton tr'Radaik 0]

They left him alone, after that. The battle for the two vials he had found in his boot had been short and painful, but Daise t'Ksa had won, and left him alone now to ponder whether his mysterious kidnappers might have left more defloxso stashed somewhere on his person.

 

I am not desperate. Not desperate.

 

And he wasn't, of course. The defloxso was...one question. More to the point was the question of why he was in this position. Why he had been reduced to lie flat on his back in his own medical bay, begging for a dose of designer drugs from a daise who had fought him to prevent it and a daise'erei'riov who had not even needed his distracted attempt at an explanation to determine that he was nothing more than a drugged-up ryak'na veruul. The question of why he had been cut at the root and made to look like a fool.

 

And whether there was more of the drug somewhere about him that might be used to quell the tremendous ringing in his head.

 

not desperate not desperate not desperate not desperate...

 

It wasn't so much that he wanted more (yes he did desperately he wanted more) as that he thought it might potentially clear his mind somewhat. The withdrawal even from one dose was painful enough that it was difficult to think clearly. And at the moment it was paramount that he think clearly. He had to make them understand that he was not the degenerate he appeared to be (was he? he didn't know anymore...) and that this was a misunderstanding. But he was so distracted by the cravings engendered by that withdrawal that he couldn't form the words in any understandable manner. And that was why he needed more. So he could explain.

 

not desperate just going mad ndak said i was out of my mind

 

There was no more, though. He was restrained to the bed but he could tell that those in his boot had been all that were immediately accessible to him. Perhaps his captors had planted more somewhere else, but not here, not where he had them. There were only those two and one of them had been taken by Aife and the other...

 

she didn't take the other elements where is it where did she put it

 

...was on the floor. t'Ksa had wrestled it out of his fingers but he had heard it clink and hit the ground and roll when he'd pushed her, with the peculiar sensitivity which seemed to have descended on all his senses including his ears, and it had not been picked up. He tilted his head against the bed, angled it sideways to peer along the contour of the decking, and he could just see the glint of it lying against the base of the console at the foot of his bed. She had let it go and in the chaos of N'Dak's arrival, she had forgotten it completely.

 

it is still within reach

 

His fingers clenched at his sides and his eyes flared with renewed purpose.

 

****

 

He wasn't sure how much time had passed when the soft step of a boot came from the corridor and Rekar tr'Auren stepped through the door, heading for the dispensary. It must be night's shift, Kelton thought distractedly, not bothering to reflect that it was his own presence in the medbay which would necessitate a return to form during the crew's current leave time. "Rekar," he rasped, drawing the young man's attention from whatever had occupied it.

 

"Rekkhai," tr'Auren returned, averting his eyes in what could have been respect or disgust. Kelton assumed the latter, as it better mirrored his own current opinion of himself, and clenched his teeth against a sharp outburst as the younger man continued speaking. "Jolan tru, Maenek. I have heard au are...unwell; I have been asked to see to a meal for au."

 

a meal and a sedative no doubt au cannot fool me boy or do au really not know

 

"Hann'yyo..."

 

"Llein'yyo."

 

do au really na know what is going on or are au laughing at me secretly...

 

"Would au have something in particular?"

 

"I am na hungry."

 

na for food at any rate...fhaen boy don't merely come here to taunt me

 

"Au must be; Aife says au have na eaten--"

 

"And what does Aife know of what I need?" The words emerged like a curse. "Let me alone or help me but do na play these games with me!"

 

There was a sharp silence, and tr'Auren looked rather puzzled. Kelton stared at him, his chest rising and falling in a silent picture of frustration. Perhaps t'Ksa and Aife really had na told anyone else why Kelton was in the bay. The rusted, gummed wheels in his head began to turn.

 

"What do au need, then?" Rekar finally said slowly.

 

not desperate not desperate au are already pitiful do na be desperate

 

"There is...a vial on the floor," Kelton said slowly. The tone of his voice changed; he struggled to hide the automatic defensiveness, hostility, pleading, everything that this craving drove into him. "The daise...made a very particular prescription...for the injury I sustained during leave...she left a measured dosage for me to take. But it has fallen out of my reach."

 

Rekar's eyebrows quirked up. "Ie, I see it." He bent for it, scooped the small container into his palm. "This is na from our medbay. What is it?"

 

"Defloxso," Kelton said, matter-of-factly. fhaen trust me and do not hear the lie in the truth

 

Rekar blinked. "Defloxso? We have na proscribed that for anything since--"

 

"Ie...ie...I know...I was skeptical myself." His lips twisted in the smile that Koval had used to win so many followers in the weeks after their father's death; it came easily to his face as well. It was in his blood. (politician's son with a politician's tongue) "But I understand in small enough doses it is a very effective painkiller...I trust her judgment." (but i do na know if she believed me did she think as ndak did that i am out of my mind) One eye flicked towards the office, wondering if she would emerge before he had time to convince the young officer. (na time to wait i cannot trust anyone but myself and i need more just enough to clear my head) "Will au administer it for me?"

 

The question in Rekar's mind was obvious. Is this a test? "I...have na yet spoken to the daise," he said carefully, Rihan suspicion written all over the tone. "When I have, I will be happy to--"

 

"Rekar!" Kelton snapped. tr'Auren fell silent, staring at him in blatant confusion. Kelton drew in a deep, shuddering breath, formed his eyes into an expression of near-subservience in the desperation that needed no lie to back it up. "Rekar, it hurts...there's no time...I need it." I need more...

 

The moment had the desired effect. Rekar had never seen the normally-proud arrain in such a spirit of solicitation in the short time both men had been aboard the Talon. Clearly something serious was amiss, and it was entirely possible that to wait long enough to confirm this with with the Daise would be to bring down a great deal of trouble upon himself; delay was no laughing matter among maenekir given how often lives hung in the balance in their business.

 

Kelton could see him weighing his suspicion against Kelton's presumed honesty in his mind, as delicately as he turned over the small vial in his fingers. Then he nodded, with a deft flick of the wrist slotted it into a hypospray. Kelton swallowed, a painful feeling. he feels no reason to disbelieve me...for a few more hours then i have a decent reputation and this is what i use it for...fvadt fvadt fvadt fvadt... But he needed the defloxso. Needed it so he could think. If he could just have the dose everything would become clear.

 

Rekar's hands moved with professional precision and the light hiss of the injection sounded just under Kelton's ear. He took a breath in sharply, felt the heat of the drug entering his blood, and then a thrilling fog flooded into his mind like smoke. There was no clarity there; he had never really thought there would be, but for a moment the cravings receded, and that was enough to elicit a low groan of relief as his head tossed back against the bed. They would return, the cravings and the need for more, but for the moment they were gone. For the moment, he did not need anything. For the moment, he was not desperate.

[STSF_BluRox 0]

Wow!! Awesome log! I didn't know if he was going to get it or not. Wow..is t'ksa going to be MAD!

 

Enjoyed the read, thanks!

[KhreRiovtRex 0]

Remind me NA to be around when she does!