Fade to White

[A Davis 0]

Fade to White

A Joint Log by Nicolas Lepage, DJ McKinny, and Amanda Davis

"... Alright Ensign Johnson, I know you've got your orders. So you've told me and I understand but I need to get back to the station. There's no surgeon left over there. You understand what that means, don't you?" Nick was getting more and more frustrated as he was arguing with the young officer on the other end of the comm. He didn't care about the rising level of irritation detectable in his interlocutor's voice.

 

"I'm sorry Commander, I have direct orders from my Captain not to beam anyone aboard the station. You need to talk to him. Johnson out."

 

"Hang on! What the....?" Nick couldn't believe the Ensign had just closed the commlink.

 

"Nicolas."

 

As she approached from behind, Amanda touched his arm gently so as not to alarm him, or at least so he wouldn't snap too horribly at her, given his present state of mind.

 

Aegis' crew was, at the moment, incarcerated in the observation lounge of the USS Missouri. Well, they weren't really incarcerated, but they certainly felt like they were incarcerated having been so unceremoniously beamed there from the control tower. But Captain d'Ka had assured them - through his executive officer, Commander Lie'ri - that they were free to visit any area of the ship normally open to visitors. In any event, Amanda had begun her mission, weaving through the group, encouraging those who needed encouraging, comforting those who needed comfort, and intervening where tempers flared.

 

Nicolas Lepage, Chief of Medicine, was in the latter category, and Amanda really couldn't blame him, but flaring tempers and a crisis wasn't exactly a good mix. Then she realized that her mind was wandering; the doctor was giving her that quizzical look he saved for moments such as this.

 

"Nicolas," she began again, regrouping her thoughts and taking him aside, away from the gawking crowd that had gathered around him, "they're doing all they can. The best thing we can do at this point is to..." she glanced over her shoulder at a lone hanger-on and maneuvered the doctor farther away, the two of them ending up, semi-secluded in an alcove, "... keep calm and let them do their jobs."

 

Nick let the counselor lead him to a quiet corner of the observation lounge without protest. His mind was still fixed on the issue at hand. How would he be able to get back to Aegis?

 

"It's not that I'm keeping them from doing their jobs. But they are keeping me from doing mine, Amanda. I should be back there," he said, pointing through the viewport in the general direction of the station. Though he wasn't sure what he hoped to accomplish once he'd be back on Aegis, he had a feeling that he was needed there.

 

"And if you do return, what exactly will you do," she asked, as though reading his mind. "Heal the station?" She paused, hoping that would sink in, hoping he'd get a perspective on the situation. "Nicolas, there is nothing you can do there; you're needed here."

 

Nick shook his head. "I guess I just hate not being able to do anything. But you know that already."

 

"Yes," she said quietly, giving his arm a comforting pat. Then her expression changed as she glanced out the observation lounge window. "Much of this anxiety could have been avoided if they had just beamed off the station with everyone else. I still don't understand why Commander Chirakis insisted on staying, and, of all things, kept the engineers there with her. I can't help thinking of them: alone, facing what could be a very sudden, horrible death." She turned back to face him, more to hide the tears that welled up than to look for an explanation.

 

Nick considered Amanda's question for a few seconds before answering. It made perfect sense to him that Commander Chirakis had stayed behind while making sure the majority of the crew was safe. "You see, this...infection, if you will, has to be contained or it will spread throughout the quadrant. The Commander knows this. Technically she's just doing her job. And I think that's my problem," Nick added, finally being able to name what was bothering him. "She's doing her job while I'm sitting here, not doing anything."

 

"But you are doing something, Nicolas. Just by being here, you are doing your job. You are our healer, the ultimate symbol of security they...." Once more she raised her eyes to his. She took a breath. Something in his expression, his concern for them, his compassion touched a strong chord. Within seconds her heart lept to her throat, the despair of the moment superseding all else.

 

"We...." She forced the thought back, but his eyes locked with hers. Dark, brooding....

"We all...." She stopped for another breath.

 

"....all... seek...." Her hand still rested on his forearm where she'd placed it to guide him over and, as desperately as she wanted to, she could not remove it, feeling its warmth, its strength.

 

There was a moment of silence during which they stared at each other, the ever-shifting crowd in the observation lounge pushing them closer together. But their proximity, to Amanda, seemed something more as she pressed towards him, her lips parted as though ready to continue the sentence, but her heart pounding so she couldn't.

 

Nick leaned closer to Amanda looking into her green eyes. He reached out to brush a strand of hair out of her face, his thumb gently brushing her lips. Moving on would be so easy. It was comforting to know that even in extreme situations Amanda was one of the few people he could trust. He was tempted to pull her even closer but just then he caught a whiff of her perfume. Cartier. And with the scent came memories. Dinner at their favourite restaurant. He, Nick, on his knees, proposing. He straightened suddenly, trying to put some distance between them.

 

Amanda dropped her hand from his arm, a blush creeping up her cheeks. Their reaction to each other, as caregivers, was a common occurrence. In times of crisis, especially this one, she was not allowed to drop her guard. Her emotions had been pent up for so long they were bound to release sooner or later, and the only one in whom she could confide was Nicolas. He was her confidant and she was his, but, given the stress of their present situation, to have their mutual need manifest itself in such a way truly gave her pause.

 

"Nicolas, I'm...."

 

Amanda was about to say sorry, but a sudden gasp spread through the observation lounge. She turned as everyone rushed to the window, those in the back craning their necks for a better view, their expressions ranging from shock to horror to disbelief. Just over the heads of the crowd she could see the station as one pylon collapsed, broke off, then careened into the other.

 

Nick was about to say something when they got distracted. Being taller than Amanda, he had a good view of what happened to the station. It took him a few seconds to realize what he was seeing, but once the reality of the situation had sunk in he stood and watched in horror.

 

Since her evacuation, DJ had been looking everywhere for Nick. The going hadn't been easy. The ship was packed with Aegis refugees. And Gilbert wasn't helping any. The usually calm and sedate hound was terrified. She couldn't blame him either. She was almost as scared as she'd been all those years ago when Cairo was suddenly rocked by the calamitous explosion that took the lives of most of the crew, including her husband.

 

She had been assured that Nick was evacuated. There were only a handful of souls left on the station. The thought of them made her nauseous. They were risking their lives to save what was left of the station and bring an end to this space borne infection. DJ held out hope they would survive but only if they agreed to leave Aegis now. She didn't bother calculating the odds of that happening. choosing instead to focus on her search for Nick.

 

She finally made it into the observation lounge. She'd been told a large group of the evacuees had assembled there. She wasn't in the room more than a few seconds when she heard a collective gasp from the substantial crowd gathered in the room. People rushed toward the windows and stared, their expressions reflecting their horror and grief. DJ couldn't see anything from where she stood. She could only assume something disastrous had happened to the station. Standing on her toes, she tried to peer over the heads of those in front of the windows. All she could see was the blackness of space through the very top portion of the window.

 

Then she spotted him.....staring intently at whatever was going on outside. A wave of relief crashed over her and for a moment, she felt weak kneed. After a few seconds, she started toward him, Gilbert in tow, weaving through the crowd as best she could. There were several rows of people between her and Nick. They were packed in tighter than sardines. There was no point trying to get any closer so she started calling his name, hoping he would hear her over the din of the crowd.

 

The sound of someone calling his name startled Nick and he looked in the direction of the caller. A pang of guilt rushed through him as he saw DJ. At the same time he was relieved to see her. Shoving people out of his way, Nick quickly walked over to her. "DJ," he exclaimed, a look of shock on his face. He hugged her tightly.

 

Amanda stood on a chair, watching the station collapse, desperately hoping there was no one aboard. Next to her, Nicolas and DJ locked in a fervent embrace. Others around the room did the same - some for comfort, some in shock, and some for the same reason as Nicolas and DJ - in affirmation of their devotion to each other and thanksgiving that they had both made it off the station alive.

 

As she turned back to the viewport, her hopes that any part of the station would survive vanished as a flash, too brilliant for the windows to polarize in time, forced most of the crowd to shrink back and cover their eyes. Some cried out in shock, some in pain.

 

Amanda brought her hand to her mouth in a gasp, exclaiming, "Angels and saints preserve us!"

 

DJ clung to Nick for dear life. They were still in each others arms when the room was flooded by a blinding light. Screams from those closest to the windows echoed throughout the lounge and the crowd rushed back toward the middle of the room. Nick and DJ were forced to move quickly or be trampled. Poor Gilbert was nearly choked to death as DJ dragged him out of the way. When all was said and done, they were pressed against one of the bulkheads forming a small alcove not far from where Nick had been standing when she first spotted him. She looked up him, her eyes wide and her heart racing. "What just happened?" she asked, her voice quivering. "Please don't tell me that was Aegis."

 

For a whole minute, Nick tried to find the right words to answer DJ's question before realizing that there was nothing to say. He couldn't believe that what he had just seen was real. Time seemed to have slowed down as he was standing there, the commotion around him only barely registering in his brain. All that was important now was only one question: Where there any survivors?