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Taelya_

Honor and Pride - Taelya log

New ship, same routine “ Was the first thought to cross the Andorian’s mind as she entered her newly assigned quarters. Unpacking her few belongings quickly, Taelya laid out a fresh uniform on her bed and began stripping out of the old one. Changing uniforms before each new shift, when possible, was part of her routine since she enrolled in the Academy.

 

Repetition of what had now become a sort of ritual for Taelya helped keep her grounded. It was a technique she learned from one of her fathers, Akival, she thought, but it might have been Shorn. She couldn't be sure after all these years. She was taught from a young age that channeling her aggressive feelings, focusing her more primal self would make her a better soldier for the Imperium, and it did… for a time.

 

A bitter smile appeared on her lips for a moment as she thought of her years with the Guard.” This is the next best thing,” she said out loud, thinking of her new SEC assignment. She had told herself the same on her first day aboard the Yukon. She still didn't quite believe it. “Be grateful… It could be much worse” she scowled herself.

 

Her antennae drooped slightly as she began the familiar motions, the gestures repeated hundreds if not thousands of times every time she needed focus or whenever she found the time. She had called it “meditation” for the benefit of the Fleet’s shrink that had evaluated her. Technically, it had started as such; breathing and visualization exercises , what it had become was somewhere between punishment and a way of making sure she'd never forget how she became who she is.

 

Taelya’s antennae now stood straight up, always fearing what was coming next. The basics were still the same , breathing … visualizing, the much more masochistic version she had been practicing for the last years hadn’t change much from the technique she was taught as a child.

 

She stood in front of the mirror , still in her undergarments, staring at her own reflection, holding her own gaze. Her breathing slowed as the fingers of her right hand began to unlace the leather sleeve she wore practically at all times, including in her sleep . Taelya inhaled sharply as the sleeve hit the carpet without a sound , her entire body rigid dreading what was sure to come next . She forced herself to look away her own reflection and down to her left forearm and the long , poorly healed scar that ran from the inside of her wrist to a couple centimeters below her elbow in a dark blue serpentine shape.

 

She didn't even need to close her eyes anymore to remember , having replayed the scene thousands of times in her mind . Each scene, each word was permanently etched in her mind .The smile always came first , and that even though she was thousands of light years away from Andoria and years had passed since the day of her memory , she could still feel the same pinch in her chest as she did that day as he turned to face her . She still felt everything . She knew then that she was doing the right thing , and that had not changed but the pain was still overwhelming even after all this time .

 

After the smile came the doubt, his eyes and antennae betrayed an entire range of emotions as he realized what was about to happen. She could still hear him " You won't do it " "Won't" quickly changed to "Can't" as his always arrogant tone of voice became more beggar than assertive . She did not mutter a single word during the entire ordeal. She knew that if she stopped and thought about it, talked about it she couldn't carry out her orders.

 

Taelya dropped to her knees , her eyes still opened fixated on the scar. She recalled with precision what the cold metal of her chaka felt like against her hand .Anything after that became blurry in her mind. a sequence of snapshots moment played in staccato in her mind . Gleaming metal . Screams, almost animal screams , her own and his . A sharp pain in her forearm . The last part of her recollection was always the same ; what seemed like rivers of cobalt streaming down the ice that covered the ground . Dark blue blood covering her hands , the stained chaka resting where it had fallen . The realization that she had accomplished exactly what was expected of her. Exactly what she had been trained for, what she had been born for , and that because of it she no longer had place amongst her family, amongst her people .

 

Closing her eyes as she wiped a single tear of her cheek, Taelya was already refocusing herself .She grabbed the sleeve from the ground and expertly re laced it over the scar. With a deep breath, she rose back to her feet . The moment had passed . She took the uniform that lay on the bed and proceeded to put it on . "This is why you're here. Now go on and be the best you can be . " she told herself while clipping her hair . Before exiting her quarters for her first duty shift she looked at herself in the mirror once more , repeating her own motto " Honor and Pride "

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