Edger's Guide to the Federation

[Joe Manning 0]

Edger's Guide to ...

 

THE FEDERATION

 

by Malcolm "Razor" Edger

 

 

PREFACE

 

Here I am, again, kiddies. Your favorite trader/mercenary, coming up on his eighth year of plying the star lanes of Bull's Head, has come to your airlock with another of his invaluable (and best-selling) treatise on life in the untamed stellar frontier. This volume is a special one, however. You starry-eyed wanderers of the galactic rim have been begging ol' Razor Edger to finally give you his rundown on the topic of all topics -- the Federation. That's right, kiddies! Our friendly neighbors on the coreward end of our little arm of the Milky Way are the shining stars of this, my newest masterpiece of light (speed) reading.

 

What do you know about the Federation? If you've listened to some people, you're probably thinking that the Federation are the bad guys. They're the big bullies that have pushed us all to the dirtiest, emptiest corner of the playground. Well, that's just a bunch of plaQta', I can tell you. Yours truly has run across a few Starfleet patrols in his time, my humble followers. There were some good sorts on their ships, and there were some bad sorts -- no different from the ships of Bull's Head. And when I treated them with respect and modesty, I got good treatment in return.

 

There are too many space cowboys in Bull's Head. I know, I used to be one myself! So I get quite the chuckle when one of these space faring qoHpu' crosses paths with a Starfleet patrol and decides to play the big rebel who isn't going to stand for Feddie oppression. It ain't so funny for them when they get hauled into custody or, worse, their ship blown to bits. So many tragedies could be avoided if people would just learn that there's no cause for hostilities between the travelers of Bull's Head and the soldiers of the Federation. Hells, the Federation still thinks Bull's Head is just one of their provinces!

 

So allow me to enlighten you, brash young things, on the 'nature of the beast,' so to speak. As long as you keep this little PADD tucked underneath your little Captain's seats, your encounters with Starfleet should never end badly. We'll start with some of the basic background, a little bit of the history, and a rough idea of just why things are ... the way they are.

 

 

CHAPTER 1

The Headies and Feddies

 

What, precisely, is the relationship between Bull's Head and the Federation? Tenuous, of course. There are a lot of folks on our side that don't care for them, and a lot of folks on their side that don't care for us. We aren't at war with the Federation (thank the gods for that), but nor are we one unified entity. And we don't care much for all of their policies or fly their flag over our homes, but we do follow their rules. Why is it this way? Recent history will show us the way.

 

It's been six years now since the 'battle' of Zencar IV, the site of The Decision that ended the Civil War. Eight years of infighting depleted a fleet that had already been ravaged by the Beholder invasion of 2390. In those years, the tides changed within the Federation, with military leaders who cared more about defense and security slowly taking the policymaking away from the Federation Council. Those leaders reached an unsettling conclusion -- there just weren't enough ships left to properly secure the whole of the Federation territories. So, not long after the end of the War, the Federation pulled in some of its farthest borders.

 

Turned out that decision wasn't as clear cut as it seemed. They pull in their borders, territories like Bull's Head go independent, right? Wrong. While the Feddies withdrew the bulk of their personnel from those outlying territories, they still considered those territories to be under their jurisdiction. They did (and still do) consider the colonies of Bull's Head to be their colonies. Hu'tegh, ey? Quite a dilemma for them -- they want control over all their distant colonies, but they know that they can't maintain that control without stretching their defenses too thin.

 

End result? The outlying colonies get to do pretty much what they'd like. And in the old days, 'what they'd like' translated to not doing what the Feddies told them to do. No citizens being drafted to fight in wars on the other end of the galaxy for causes they didn't believe in. No labor projects meant to promote the 'greater good' of the Federation being forced on them. No having to share all the details of their operations with bureaucrats back on Earth who had no idea what life on the fringe was like. They viewed the Feddie withdrawal as a sign that they were independent, and independence was exactly what they wanted.

 

Can the Federation dispute our independence? They certainly have the resources to. But pledging those resources toward a conflict with errant colonies would involve diverting those resources from the ultimate goal of keeping their tightened-up borders nice and secure. So there is an unsteady truce of sorts between the Feddies and the outlying territories. They allow us a certain degree of liberty from their policies. Don't let some anti-Federation jingoist tell you otherwise! We get to play the interstellar game our own way only because the Feddies choose to keep their blasters pointed elsewhere for now.

 

Ah, but here's where things get tenuous, see? The independence the Feddies have so compassionately gifted us with comes with a price. They don't want us getting SO independent that we suddenly decide it's a good idea to go fighting them or (far worse) aiding other interstellar powers like the Rommies and Klingons. So, to keep their ultimate decree from falling upon our worlds, we got to follow a few of their rules. Quite simple really. There are things they'll allow us to do and things they won't allow us to do. And if they ever catch us doing the things we aren't allowed to do, they'll start bringing more trouble down on us.

 

This is where you got to pay attention, mate.

 

There ain't nothing forbidding a Starfleet ship from coming to Bull's Head. Same way there ain't nothing preventing our ships from entering Federation space. No matter which way it goes, one thing remains true -- their ships are a lot bigger and a lot more dangerous than our ships. And when they see one of our ships, they decide it's time for an inspection. Bull's Head's ships, outposts, and colonies are routinely subjected to Starfleet inspections to determine whether any of their rules are being broken. Their rule over our territory may be barely recognizable, but they figure that the size and firepower of their ships is enough to scare us into obeying their laws, and it's very difficult to argue with them. You've got to know what their rules are, mate, and you've got to know how to behave when one of their inspections comes.

 

What's the alternative to their laws? Acknowledging that we're Federation citizens. If we were to recognize their claim on Bull's Head, we would be allowed to use their best technology without any restrictions. But that would come with a price we're NOT willing to pay. You see, if we recognize their authority, they send officials to manage all of our colonies and outposts, and they assign Starfleet officers to our ships. Nothing would go on in Bull's Head that they wouldn't be aware of. And all of our resources (including our precious interstellar chariots) would be at their disposal. If we accept that, we lose our freedom and become nothing more than distant cogs in the Federation machine.

 

So it all hangs in a delicate balance that neither side is too keen on tipping. How much can they lord over our affairs without compromising the security of their core territories? How much can we get away with without drawing more of their attention than we'd like? Their paranoia and our survival instinct works together to keep a steady level of peace and understanding between us, and we can all live with that, can't we? So do us all a favor when you cross their paths -- don't upset the zilm'kach cart.

 

 

CHAPTER 2

Fed Law

 

Rule #1 -- No conspiring against the Federation. This one is pretty easy, ain't it? No plotting to assault Federation assets, depose Federation officials, incite Federation citizens to riot and rebel, and other such harmful activities. O' course, there ain't much the Feddies can do if such plans exist only in the minds of the conspirators. But eventually, such conspiracies yield tangible evidence -- gatherings of conspirators that draw unwanted attention, data devices with sensitive plans that fall into the wrong hands, stockpiles of illegal weapons and goods that are located by authorities. When Starfleet tracks a conspiracy back to Bull's Head, all our colonies start feeling the heat. And we don't want the heat! So take your conspiracies up to the Union of Nine.

 

Rule #2 -- No violence against the Federation. As bad as violating #1 is, this one is worse. It's the worst offense you can commit, in fact. Attacking a Fleet ship, hurting a Fleet officer, causing damage to a Federation facility or settlement, or aiding any such activity by a third party. Channel your rage elsewhere, juppy.

 

Rule #3 -- No possession of uncertified personal weaponry. Knowing how dangerous the galaxy can be, the Feddies have found it in their hearts to let us defend ourselves. To an extent, of course. Any personal weapons we possess must have been acquired either from the Federation or through fair trade with the Klingons. In other words, we can't manufacture our own weapons. Furthermore, all personal weapons we possess must have lethal capabilities completely removed. That's right. We can't just keep our weapons on 'stun' ... we have to remove 'kill' entirely. The majority of arrests on inspected vessels are owed to weapons with kill capabilities that the owners made poor attempts to conceal.

 

Rule #4 -- All starships must meet allowed specifications. No combat-capable ship's mass may exceed 100,000 tons, effectively preventing us from fielding warships larger than scouts and light cruisers; unarmed freighters and liners don't face this restriction. No ship's armament may be designed to serve anything more than 'defensive capabilities.' What, precisely, 'defensive capabilities' entails is entirely up to the discretion of the inspecting officer, but if you're fielding enough phaser arrays and torpedo launchers to turn a colony to dust, don't expect a passing grade. Most of our ships won't be capable of those kinds of armaments anyway what with the mass restrictions. No ship's engines may be capable of exceeding Warp 8. Again, mass restrictions (to say nothing of dilithium scarcity) limit our starship speeds anyway, but they want the limit enforced -- makes sure their heavy cruisers can catch up with any ship that tries to run away, you see. And, oh, one last thing (you may want to pay attention to this one) -- any ship deemed to be housing a 'concealed cargo hold' will be subject to immediate inspection failure, even if said holds are empty at the time of inspection.

 

Rule #5 -- Replication technology is forbidden. This is the touchy one. This is the one that has incited a lot of folks' fury. You see, the Federation considers matter replication to be one of their greatest technological innovations ... and such things are -only- to be shared with compliant Federation worlds. They don't want that innovation being used to mass-manufacture implements of war that could be used to assault their worlds or fuel insurgency among their citizenry. That's their official explanation, at least. A lot of people think that's a bunch of plaQta', an excuse to make survival more difficult for people that don't play ball with the Feddies. Hells, we've all heard the stories of how the Federation has used their replicators to buy off worlds that were suffering starvation epidemics. Maybe they're true, maybe not ... but replicators are one of the 'perks' of membership that the Federation has promised. We've come a long way from the day when scientific discovery was open source.

 

Rule #6 -- Transporter technology is forbidden aboard starships. Transporters are dangerous, you see. Feddies drop their shields to send an inspection squad over to your vehicle, there's no telling what kind of nasty stuff you can send right back over to their ships. They allow us to use transporters on our colonies and space stations, but if they find a transporter device on your ship, immediate inspection failure. Most colonies (all of the major ones) have at least one orbital docking station that can transport you to the planet's surface. Some are bigger, some are smaller, so depending on the traffic you may be forced to wait. And if you plan to touch down on any unsettled worlds (or any of the colonies that don't want visitors), you'd better have either a shuttle or a ship that can land.

 

Rule #7 -- No contact of any sort with races deemed hostile by the Federation. With the Feddies in a sort of 'rebuilding mode' right now, this is a short list. The Borg and the Beholders are about it, in fact. They're keeping an uneasy peace with all the major powers of the Alpha and Beta quadrants while they recover from the war and fortify their defenses. Nobody likes that the Feddies have turned militant, though; you always hear rumors that the Rommies have been trying to exploit the Feddies' weakened position since the start of the war, and that only the losses they themselves suffered during the Beholder attack have kept them in check. Just know that should war break out, the Feddies don't want us aiding any of their enemies.

 

Rule #8 -- No alcoholic beverages may be brought into the Parnassus system. Truth is, nobody really knows the reason for this one; supposedly goes back to an incident 15 years ago. But the rule's on their list and it's easy enough to follow.

 

Rule #9 -- Theft of Federation property or kidnap of Federation citizens is strictly prohibited. We can mug, burgle, and kidnap each other to our black hearts' content; we just need to be careful that what (or whom) we're stealing don't have any ties to anyone in the Federation. This one can get tricky. It may seem enticing enough, for example, to hold up that fellow with the rich-looking necklace in an alleyway on Tranquility, but he might just be a visitor from one of the Federation worlds. If you were to be so inclined to hold the juppy up (not that you would, that sort of thing being illegal on Tranquility), you might find the offense passing from the Taurus brothers' jurisdiction to Federation jurisdiction. Not only is that bad for you, it brings unwanted heat on Bull's Head. Do your research before you take that which does not belong to you.

 

Rule #10 -- Do not attempt to avert or interfere with any Starfleet inspection or investigation into the violation of any of these rules. The Feddies have handed down their laws, and they've given their police force the power to enforce them. If the Fleeters come for you, don't run. If they come for someone else and find cause to question you, don't lie. If said 'someone else' comes to you for help, don't give it. And, whatever you do, don't forget the all-important Rule #2.

 

 

CHAPTER 3

Smile For Your Inspector

 

So it should just so happen (wouldn't luck have it) that your space vessel is nearly identical to one that was witnessed visiting mayhem upon a Federation colony, then sailing away with several of its women and goods. You pop up (wouldn't luck continue to have it) on the sensors of one of the Starfleet cruisers that are searching for the fun-loving assailants. A short time later, your own sensors show a very large object moving toward your ship at an incredible speed, and an audio message is blurting into your ears demanding that you power down your engines. Hate to be the one to tell you, juppy, but you've been tagged for inspection.

 

Never fear, Razor Edger is here to get you through one of the greatest trials of life in Bull's Head.

 

ALERT: THE TAURUS BROTHERS IN ASSOCIATION WITH THE HYADES TOURISM BUREAU HAVE DETERMINED THAT THE ADVICE OFFERED BY THE REMAINDER OF THIS GUIDE IS NOT ENTIRELY CONDUCIVE TO A POSITIVE RELATIONSHIP WITH STARFLEET AND THE FEDERATION; IT HAS BEEN REMOVED FROM THIS COPY. RESIDENTS AND TRAVELERS OF BULL'S HEAD ARE STRONGLY ADVISED TO COOPERATE FULLY WITH ANY FEDERATION PATROLS ENCOUNTERED. RESIDENTS AND TRAVELERS ENGAGING IN ACTIVITIES THAT WOULD BE DEEMED UNLAWFUL BY FEDERATION PATROLS ARE ADVISED TO DEPART BULL'S HEAD AT ONCE. OUTSIDERS INTENDING TO BRING SUCH ACTIVITIES TO BULL'S HEAD ARE NOT WELCOME.