Impulse Drive

[Lerak trPexil 0]

Impulse Drive

 

The intensity of their first intimate encounter together was surprising to both, considering he was normally as mild-mannered as she was cold-hearted. A series of impediments which held each back for so long was equally surprising: Lerak’s subordinate rank within the same department, Laehval’s icy exterior cloaking her feelings, the rumors of him being a Federation spy and references to her as the spy’s consort — the latter angering him greatly.

 

Their burst of passion washed away all of those obstacles like high tide and their respective facades crumbled with his first impulsive kiss. Neither could cease the flood of emotion that had been walled away for so many years. For him, it was his dream made real; for her, a need she had so long denied. All propriety was discarded as easily as the hindering pieces of their uniforms and neither cared about the impracticality of their environment.

 

Her office was not designed to contain such intense passion. Chairs were overturned, storage devices and neatly filed data rods were swept impulsively to the floor. Many bruises were incurred. Eventually they found comfort and their rhythm, amazed at the simple pleasures that could come from the barest of touches or the lightest of kisses. Their outlooks adjusted, their minds expanded to encompass a new relationship even before their bodies even merged. The union was brief, but na less pleasurable, and all too soon they found themselves driven back to their own bodies, staring into the other’s eyes as they panted for breath.

 

“Elements,” Laehval breathed as she loosened her embrace. “Lerak… I never knew au… I did na know au could be so…” She trailed off, unable to find the words to describe what had just happened between them.

 

“Driven?” he asked. His body trembled at her touch, partly from the experience and partly from what he had held back for so long. He bit down on his lower lip, cupping her face in his shaking hands as he continued. “For so long I have… was afraid to… make this leap. Au have been so close for many years. As much as I wanted more, I was fearful of losing what I had.”

 

“I guessed at your feelings many times,” she said quietly, “but believed them to be fleeting. I had na time for relationships and so I chose to ignore the signs.” After gazing at him for a moment, she asked hesitantly, “Lerak, will au hold me as au did before?”

 

Wordlessly, he embraced her, inhaling deeply as he buried his face in her hair. He looked past her at the far wall as he searched for words. Quietly Lerak found them, “Laehval, if I knew this was how it would be, I would have done this long ago. Fortunately I was able to remain on the Talon after offered a homeworld post.”

 

Something in her demeanor changed at his words. Her muscles seized and she drew back, looking stricken. “Au sacrificed your future to stay on the Talon? Because of me?”

 

Seeing her look, he was quick to explain. “Na, it wasn’t just au. I reached a compromise allowing me to stay onboard, so do na worry yourself over my career choice.”

 

“And if I had na been aboard the Talon, would au still have remained?” She seemed poised for something as she waited for him to break the silence.

 

“Na,” he finally admitted. “I wanted to be here because au were.”

 

Laehval slowly began to shake her head. “Na,” she said quietly. “Na, I can na have that. Au deserve better than what I can possibly give au. I do na… I do na want this. Au should na be making decisions based on… daydreams.” She pushed away from him and frantically began to dress, grabbing up discarded clothing.

 

Lerak got up nearly as quickly and spoke, “Au believe my feelings for au to be daydreams?! Well they’re na. And to say au did na want this? Au… we… clearly did! Maybe Laehval of the house Temarr is afraid. Afraid of being close, afraid of being out of her comfort zone.”

 

Upon hearing that she raised her hand, incensed he accuse her of being afraid of anything. Lerak didn’t move, eyes so wide and close she could see her reflection within them. She struck him hard on the cheek. He was prepared for the blow and did not flinch, but caught her wrist and held it tight as she attempted another. Seconds later she pulled her hand back as he threw it away.

 

“I know au hold yourself away from others, maybe because of the personal loss au have experienced — losing a brother and sister. I really do na know, but..” he said in an outburst and immediately regretted it.

 

“Au delved into my past?!” She interrupted, shaking with anger as she stared at him. “Au had na right! Those are private memories! Au… au… I can na believe this. What have I done? This… will na work,” she ranted. “Na io can ever know! It would jeopardize everything. This can na happen again. There will be na embraces, na invitations, and na secret looks that may be interpreted by passing crewmen. Do au understand?!”

 

“Au know, I do na understand! Someone reached out to au, got an inkling of your past, and now au want to throw them away!” He grabbed for her hands to still them as she began putting the office back to rights. “After learning of these events, my hope was that au had been putting up a defense to keep those around au from harming au further. I do know pain and I know betrayal and have the scars to prove it.” He pointed to his right lower back to the ten centimeter healed gash. “I have held others at arm’s length as well. I could na trust anyone. Until au.” Holding her hands firmly, he gave them another squeeze.

 

She stared into his eyes for what seemed an eternity, unable or unwilling to accept his words. But deep within her heart, she knew he spoke the truth. Her cold composure had been the only way she’d been able to keep the rest of the world at bay. With that barricade gone, she was vulnerable. She felt everything. And it scared her more than anything had ever scared her. She tried to move away again, but he would not let her, holding her firmly, forcing her to face the truth. When she struggled, he only tightened his grip and pulled her closer.

 

“Au do na need to be afraid any longer, Laehval,” he said softly.

 

“Lerak,” she pleaded, “please just let me be.” Her gaze lowered as she felt the tears burning her eyes, her voice a mere whisper. “I do na think I can…”

 

“I believe au can. We can. There can be na gains without risks. The universe is a cruel and lonely place, Laehval. I would think au don’t want to go this alone forever.”

 

Lerak watched her shoulders droop in resignation and knew that she was slowly coming to terms with the feelings she had so long denied. She was shaken and vulnerable. He drew her against him and held her tightly until she stopped trembling. How many more times would he need to reassure her that love was not her enemy?

Edited February 25, 2010 by Lerak trPexil

[KhreRiovtRex 0]

OMG...Just stands and applauds.

 

This, is by far, a really outstanding log. Thank you so much, I really really enjoyed this and am looking forward to seeing more.

 

tRex

[Lerak trPexil 0]

Glad you and others liked it. Got my brain going for sure. And to get slapped twice in short order. As Laehval said to me once if I were to slap her I would be beaten with my own leg. So in some quantum reality I have only one leg now. ;)

 

OMG...Just stands and applauds.

 

This, is by far, a really outstanding log. Thank you so much, I really really enjoyed this and am looking forward to seeing more.

 

tRex