The Winter of Our Discontent

[T'Prise 0]

Those who are dead are not dead, they're just living in my head.

And since I fell for that spell, I'm living there as well.

Time is so short and I'm sure, there must be something more.

 

*****

 

Sylvan Park had undergone a transformation, T'Prise thought, taking in the familiar, yet somewhat different landscape. Earth's northern hemisphere was in the midst of winter; instead of being surrounded by greenery and warmth, the park's atmosphere contained a definite chill, snow was falling from the sky, covering everything in a blanket of white.

 

Her breath emerging in cloudy puffs, the muscles in her neck tense and strained, she started briskly down the path that circled the park, her boots making deep furrows in the powder piling up on the ground. Pulling her jacket more tightly around her for warmth, she doggedly picked her way along the trail, attempting to calm the swirling eddy of her thoughts mirrored by the swirling eddies of snow all around her. She needed to contemplate what had happened, to attempt to solve the puzzle of her loss of composure.

 

If she examined the situation rationally, it was obvious that the strict control she exercised on her emotions started slipping after the Wanderlust incident; no doubt this could be attributed to her association with humans. The circumstances had been exacerbated further by her head injury, memory suppression, and integration with the Core; in sum, her emotions were now sitting on the surface, exposed and raw, leaving her vulnerable; an illogical position for a Vulcan. If her behavior in the mess hall when confronted by Dr. t'Tamarak was any indication, her control had indeed slipped to such a point that steps to regain it needed to be taken at once.

 

It was one thing to acknowledge the issue, yet quite another to address it. She needed to examine the problem, formulate a workable hypothesis as to its cause, and determine a methodical plan of action to solve it. She required a balanced existence, defined by logic and she needed that logic restored. The problem obviously stemmed from the accident aboard the Wanderlust. She needed to acknowledge that her team was dead and that to carry Lamoreaux, Kosinski, and the others with her only clouded her perspective. Guilt, contrition, remorse were all emotions that had no place within logic, were all feelings she thought she was incapable of experiencing.

 

All the evidence indicated that the engine malfunction was not her fault. Kosinski was responsible for the accident and although she might never know all the reasons behind it, the knowledge she did have was adequate enough to support that conclusion. It was one thing to come to this realization intellectually, it was quite another to act upon it and utilize the knowledge gained to implement a course of action. Following that course would obviously take some time and effort, yet, logic dictated that her simple solution was the correct one.

 

To continue mentally reliving the incident and the events leading up to it, to continue examining it, was irrational and not conducive to resolving the issue. Things needed to change, logic dictated that she let it go, continue her research and learn from what happened with the Wanderlust. Her progress on theoretical models proved that the technology was viable; everything was in place for her to take the next step. She had new challenges to face, a new set of colleagues, a new team to contribute to, to which to add her expertise. Their acceptance of her and the aid and insight provided by Commander Escher proved that time could no longer stand still. She needed to move forward, to continue her research.

 

She reached the end of the path, where the lone bench sat under a towering pine, solitary, in the stillness of the icy air. Snow was still falling lightly, the park was peaceful and still, suggesting a different type of tranquility than that found when it was green and lush, but a serenity all the same. Like the ground around it, snow piled high upon the bench. T'Prise reached down to clear off the seat, but pulled back abruptly, realizing that although she could sit on the bench, she would gain nothing by doing so. Exhaling soundlessly she turned, heading back the way she had come, her mind composed, rational thought restored once more.