Leave them in the dark

[Xandra 0]

Anger was a funny thing , changing in intensity but always consuming. During the last month aboard the QoB , Xandra experienced all of its forms. The murderous , overwhelming rage she first felt had morphed into a more calm , resolved emotion. Being consumed by it was the only constant. Her anger was no longer focused , or intended for one person. It didn't even have a reason anymore . MoQtal, the Bolian Gular , Sargh, her new life aboard the Klingon vessel even Mench's death , all of it was almost inconsequential to her now . She no longer required a cause.

 

 

She dutifully served as the ship's main physician . Working closely with M'eklah , the Klingon who had been acting as a makeshift doctor before her coming on board. Her dislike of the man and of all of his race only added fuel to the fire burning inside her. Her time off, between shifts, was divided between two things: Starring at the ceiling in her quarters, waiting for sleep, which rarely came, and training. Xandra had been used to have other do her bidding, do the physical work for her. This time, when the timing would be right, she would get her own hands dirty. Training in hand to hand combat and into sword fighting was a popular activity on the ship anyways . Her routine did not raise any questions, even though Xandra knew that some crew member were suspicious of her motives. She often returned to her quarters, bruised and bleeding. She welcomed the pain , it was the only thing that dulled the anger. Often she would wait hours before fixing a fractured rib or running a dermal regenerator over her skin, savoring the pain , letting it wash over her.

 

 

To everyone around, she was perfectly normal. Sarcastic, self-entitled but hard working as she had always been. Xandra spent her entire life wearing a mask, hiding her emotions. This one was one different, not harder to conceal but from time to time she would catch Smokey's worried look when she passed him in a corridor or in the mess hall. The young man seemed to notice something different in her, but then again, had known her before .

 

 

"Before" was Xandra's way of referring to her life before the Anger. A time , when petty things like greed, wealth, comfort, men use to mean something to her. They had been the core of who she was but they seemed meaningless now. Hatred, Anger, Rage and of course Vengeance were now the forces governing her. She had been mad before, especially when she was taken prisoner aboard the other QoB but it had subsided , it wasn't like this.

 

 

She had found herself aboard the other QoB, and she always had the option of returning to Starfleet with some well thought off cover story if she would have wanted. She had a contingency escape plan well thought off. She had chosen to stay as a member of the crew, not because Mench had broke her spirit but because it suited her. This was different. She never chose any of it . And all of her back up plans seem to be ending the same way: with her body vented through the nearest airlock at best, fed to targs at worst. Being trapped fed the Anger. Anger fed the Hatred.

 

 

She hated the Captain for obvious reasons and he probably only tolerated it because Xandra kept her hostility towards him well contained and never really challenged his orders.

 

 

She hated Gular with a passion; her angry thoughts having designated him the scapegoat responsible of everything. Xandra was glad to see him go.

 

 

She hated Sargh, but then again she always hated him. Her reasons were no longer vain, though. She had other reasons than the scar on her stomach to wish him dead.

 

 

 

She hated Morgan for the predatory disgusting way he had to look at her .

 

 

She hated Fox for his weakness of character, for his lack of backbone. For caring for her

 

 

She hated K'mLak, M'eklah and Shark and most of the crew simply because they were Klingons and she hated Klingons.

 

 

Xandra knew something in her head had snapped outside those mines a month earlier, but the rest of the crew seemed oblivious to that fact.

 

 

"Leave them in the dark” She told herself. “When the time comes, they’ll never know what hit them"