An Awkward Conversation

[Nicolas Lepage 0]

A joint log by Ensign Rachel Garrett and Doctor Lepage

 

 

A few hours ago Rachel Garrett was terrified. Alone, lost in a tunnel, her vision blurred by clouds of dust, her chief was gone and her sensors and communication equipment were useless. When they had beamed her Chief out, she had screamed like a two-year-old, which made her feel downright stupid when they beamed her out. Maybe she was still screaming when she materialized in sick bay next to her Chief, Jorahl. Gees, how dumb can you get?

 

As she showered and changed, the full force of the experience had come crashing in on her. She could have died. Alone. On a stupid asteroid. They probably would never have even found her body 'cause there were no sensors that picked it up. Then again, they did get her out, so there were sensors on the station, which meant they would have found her body, which meant that the sensors did work and she was ok, not dead.

 

Ok. Ok. She was ok.

 

And Dr. Lepage wanted to see her again? Prolly because she was thinking of sleeping in the J-tube again, but how would he know that? So she had showered, and she had on a fresh uniform, so she was ready for work, but she had to make a stop in sick bay 'cause if His Highness ever found out she had not gone he would have her hide, but oh well….

 

Entering sick bay, she looked around, hoping Dr. Lepage was busy with someone else. He wasn't.

 

Nick had just come out of his office as Rachel stepped through the doors of sickbay. He smiled as he walked toward her. Somehow she always looks lost, he thought. "Hello, Rachel. Thanks for coming. I'd have hated to come crawling through the J-tubes to hunt you down and drag you in here." Nick made sure he did everything to indicate he was joking and he hoped Rachel would pick up on it.

 

Rachel shrugged. "Haven't been in the J-tubes since we got back. Promise." She held up two fingers in a semblance of "scout's honor" and half-grinned, trying to return the light mood she didn't feel at all. There was an awkward moment of silence and she figured she was supposed to make the next move, so she said, "You want to see me, 'cause the Chief needs me in main engineering." She waved a hand in the general direction of the door, hoping he'd say something like sure, go ahead, we can talk later.

 

Nick nodded briefly and made an inviting gesture toward his office. "I'd like to talk to you over there." He hoped Rachel wouldn't get too nervous, but he also knew it would be better to have a little bit more privacy than sickbay provided. "And don't worry, I informed Mr. Jorahl that you would be a little late."

 

Rachel shrugged, resigned to her fate. "Sure," she said, and followed him towards his office. As she passed through sick bay she couldn't help notice the equipment humming and bleeping, their displays zigging and zagging, sometimes in multicolor and really cool patterns. She stopped half way there to stare at one piece with intense curiosity, but when she realized Dr. Lepage had gone ahead, she scurried up behind him.

 

His office was nice. Much nicer than anything they had in main engineering. Well, main engineering was more like cubby engineering. With a station this big you'd think they would make a bigger engineering area than they had, but then engineering was kinda all over the place.

 

After a minute or two she realized she had been standing, staring at his office, taking in the walls, the desk, the chairs, and a lot of other things she had never seen before. He seemed to be watching her, interested in what she was doing. She took that as a mild reprimand and plopped herself down in one of his cushy chairs, hoping that wasn't a breach of protocol.

 

When he walked around his desk and looked at Rachel, Nick was half amused and half curious about her interest in his office. He took it as a confirmation that his attempt to make it more comfortable for his patients had been successful. Well, or rather he had obviously made it interesting. He sat down and let Rachel take another good look around. "I see you had the time to clean yourself. Did you recover from your little...adventure?"

 

"Uh..yeah. I'm good," she lied, and left it at that.

 

Nick nodded and searched his desk for a PADD. When he had found it he held it up. "I read your records and I talked to Counselor Davis earlier.Are you sure everything is ok?"

 

Rachel frowned and shifted uneasily. "Counselor Davis?" she said. "You talk to her? About me?"

 

"Yes," Nick replied, nodding slightly. "I consult her, she consults me. That's the good thing of having her next door. I'm responsible for the crew's well-being, physical and psychological. And quite frankly, I am a little concerned about you." He looked at her questioningly and hoped Rachel would tell him what was wrong. Granted, she had a few issues but until now he had thought she was a capable officer.

 

"I sleep in my bed. I really do. 'Cept when I sleep in the J-tubes, but that's not too much anymore," Rachel began, not liking the turn the conversation was taking. It was like some of the conversations she had back at the academy, when they were trying to figure out if she should be in Starfleet at all. That Dr. Lepage had been talking to the counselor made her really uneasy and she wondered what kind of concerns they were discussing. Her mind spun with possibilities, so she decided to not even go there. Instead, she clammed up and began to fiddle with the tabs on the arm of her chair. "I'm a good engineer, too. Even the Chief says I fix things no one else can," she said nonchalantly.

 

Nick listened patiently. It was not so interesting what Rachel said but rather what she didn't say. Amanda had mentioned that it would be difficult to get Rachel to talk. So he decided to keep trying. "I'm glad you're sleeping in your bed more often. Do you usually sleep well?" Right now he wanted to keep her talking.

 

"Not in the bed I don't. It's too quiet and too soft," she said, continuing to fiddle with the tabs.

 

Trying hard not to laugh Nick nodded again. "And in the J-tubes? Do you sleep well there?"

 

"Oh yeah." Rachel finally looked up and stopped fiddling. "They're warm and there's this hum that comes through the processors. I can hear people talking – not hear what they say, yanno, 'cause that wouldn't be right. But there's this conversation going on all around me. And the press of the deck feels good on my back. You should try it sometime."

 

He couldn't help but smile. Nick knew Rachel felt save in the J-tubes. It was strange but to each his own. "I'm too old for that, I fear. I like my bed warm and soft and my back not hurting in the morning. How are things at work? Have you made friends yet?"

 

"Oh yeah. I have lots of friends. Caelan and Scott and Terry. There's Jake and Shana." She scrunched her face a bit. "They don't like J-tubes, though. Think it's weird. But weird is ok. Isn't it?" Rachel looked up to actually face Nick for the first time. It was scary, but it was something she felt she had to do to get to the bottom of all this. Questions about J-tubes and sleeping and friends just didn't sound like the kinda questions you'd pull someone off duty to ask about.

 

"Weird is definitely ok. Do you often go out and do things on the Midway or maybe they come to your quarters and you have dinner together?" Nick hoped he didn't appear too nosy but it was important for him to find out about Rachel's social life. The reports and a conversation with Amanda had led him to believe that Rachel might not be fit for duty...at least not out here on Aegis.

 

"Yeah, we go to the Midway. Sometimes." She eyed him suspiciously then shifted to point to the door. "Yanno, I'm really, really late for shift and I need to do a report on the asteroid 'n' stuff. Can I go now?"

 

Nick ran his hands over his face and sighed. "Rachel, I want to be honest with you. These reports and what I've heard from the counselor make me wonder whether you should be out here, on Aegis, I mean. On top of that you're on probation. I have no idea how you were even assigned to Aegis."

 

Rachel stared at him a minute, then dropped her gaze to study the floor. "I wasn't supposed to come here," she said quietly. "They told me I was supposed to stay in the Sol System, like on Jupiter or Utopia Planitia, or somewhere close until they figured out if they wanted to keep me or not. Something happened, I guess. Something got mixed up. I got sent here." She shrugged and leaned forward, clasping her hands in front of her knees. "I was hoping they wouldn't find out, 'cause I kinda like it here."

 

"Maybe I can help you. You might not like it at first but in the end I'm sure you'll realize it's for the best. It might be a good idea if I write a report and make a recommendation for you to be re-assigned to a location closer to Earth. I thought I should tell you beforehand." Nick studied her closely. He was almost sure she'd be upset, after all, who wouldn't?

 

Rachel sat for a long time looking at the floor. Closer to Earth was ok. She could handle that. Closer to home. But leaving Aegis? Gees.... She took a deep breath and finally managed a nod and said, "Okay." But that was all. Anything more and she knew she would lose it.

 

Nick was a little concerned. He would have preferred her to protest, maybe even shout at him. But she only sat there and said it was ok. Somehow he had a feeling it was not. She seemed disappointed maybe sad, it was difficult to tell. The only thing he was certain about was that there was more going on with Rachel than she would admit. "Rachel," he said, got up, walked around the desk and sat in the chair next to her. "This doesn't mean it's your fault or that you failed or anything. You were never meant to be out here. But you're good at what you do and I believe you are a real asset to Starfleet. But we're out in the middle of nowhere. We're not sure what to expect. You should be at Utopia Planitia building ships not out here building outposts and maybe defending them if we get attacked. And I am sure you could build a whole ship all on your own if you had enough time."

 

Without looking up, Rachel nodded. "Right. Can I go now?"

 

"Yes, of course. Just do me a favour, please. Talk to someone about it. If not to me then to one of your friends, Caelan, Scott, Terry, Jake or Shana... or maybe Counselor Davis. And feel free to rant about the mean CMO if it makes you feel better." Nick smiled as he got up again. And you know where you can find me, just in case."

 

"Okay," she said. Conversation over. Stand up and get outa there. In two seconds she was in the hall on her way to main engineering, probably for the last time.

 

Nick went back to sit behind his desk. He sighed and leaned back in his chair. He hoped he had made the right decision. But he felt bad for Rachel. No matter what he said, it was hard for her. And it wouldn't get easier until she'd feel at home at her new place. Change was something Rachel didn't like much, he was convinced of that.