Kissing Babies and Briefing Colonists

[Joy 0]

Subject : Kissing Babies and Briefing Colonists

From : Ambassador Joy Two

To : Ambassador Drankum

CC : Aegis Advisory Committee

Aegis Diplomatic Corps

Commander Brown, Aegis

Ambassador Joy Seven, Earth

Ambassador Joy Eight, MMS Mudd

 

 

Ambassador

 

I have been reviewing with my assistants Crystal and Bruce the Aegis shipyard and local colony projects. We also discussed a new concern. In addition to wondering if you think you own the station, we have started to become concerned that you may think you own me.

 

We spent some time considering how you might have responded had a Federation station commander tried telling you what flags to fly in your embassy, what your job title ought to be, what your job function should have become, or otherwise taken control of your life. There was a thought that I might properly respond as we thought you might respond.... but there was a technical difficulty due to my inability to produce what seemed the most appropriate answer to your sudden interest in my professional life.

 

Fortunately, Crystal was aware of this wonderful device, the whoopee cushion. Such a device should allow me to solve my native inability to communicate my feelings effectively.

 

We also reviewed the message we were considering delivering to local planets in the ‘baby kissing’ get acquainted tour. Originally, we were thinking the message might be ‘we have come in peace, not to worry.’ We are now going to have to work with ‘we have come to build warships and seize territory.’ This is perhaps not the ideal message. I don’t think we ought to try to sugar coat it too much. We are here. We are here in force. We didn’t ask before we came. We aren’t intending to leave. That seems to be the way it is, and it we wouldn’t fool anyone trying to say otherwise. Still, I would like to know if any additional expansion is intended in the short term.

 

It could be spun in a positive way. This area has not prospered to a great degree due to its nearness to the Breen. We could sell as a good thing that the major Alpha Quad powers are putting a roadblock between the local powers and the Breen. We could talk about trade opportunity and technology exchange. I think it could be sold to most of the local powers.

 

I would still like to send Eight out in an attempt introduce ourselves. If you think I have much to do here, and would prefer that I not make that trip, I can assure you that Joy Eight is precisely as capable as I am.

 

If I am to warn the leaders of the new colony of the risks they are soon to face, I would like to confirm that my appraisal of the situation is shared by Starfleet. I summarized this in my last note to you. Basically, Aegis was built to defend the home planet of a major empire. Using it to defend a station and a modest shipyard seems overkill. A rational enemy commander would weigh the losses likely to be taken against the relatively small loss of capability to the alliance, and would be not likely to attack. Of course, expecting enemies to be rational would not be rational.

 

In addition, most local powers are struggling to maintain minimal merchant capability. With the notable exception of the Breen, the military threats capable of challenging Aegis seem few and distant. Even the Breen status is questionable given the evidence of difficulties with their temporal shield technology. Still, we have to assume that the Breen may still have a formidable threat. We would need considerable warning to summon major reinforcing fleets if we were to defend against an all out Breen attack. Getting such warning might require deep scouting or scanning of Breen territory. I am not briefed that such an effort is ongoing.

 

While Aegis has formidable defenses, the new colony will not. And yet, the new colony will be associated with Aegis. I am concerned that if Aegis does anything to anger any local power, the prudent move for the local commanders would be to attack the colony, not Aegis. This is a risk I intend to make clear to the colonists. I would also confirm that you intend to maintain good relations with the local powers, and that colony defense is not a low priority when you consider how to deploy our very limited mobile assets.

 

If I am to be some sort of liaison between Aegis and the colony, I will need to be kept regularly briefed on the high level military situation. In the past, a symbol of whether Starfleet intends to cooperate with the diplomatic corps is whether we get the tactical overview feed sent from Ops during alerts. I requested but did not receive this feed during the recent drill. I asked both you and Ops whether this feed denial was oversight or the new policy. I received no answer from either of you.

 

If the diplomatic wing is to be used at all, the other ambassadors are apt to have projects similar to my liaison work with the new colony or the baby kissing tour. If Starfleet is not willing to cooperate with the diplomatic corps, there is nothing useful they can do here.

 

I would like your assurances that you do intend to be cooperative, rather than obstructionist.

 

In my experience, even brand new Federation colonies have unique cultures. The colonists often have unique and unusual philosophical, racial, economic or religious motivations. I would expect that any group willing to settle on the Breen frontier would be neither bland or retiring. They will have character. They are apt to be no more submissive or retiring than you or I.

 

If you could, I would please like any briefing material you might have on the colonizing group’s values, culture and plans, as well as contacts with any approving agencies and the colonists themselves. I would like to know something of the motives and culture of the group before putting together my briefing.

 

 

Ambassador Joy Two

Edited February 26, 2009 by Joy

[Joy 0]

To:

Ambassador Joy Two, Sky Harbor Aegis;

 

CC:

The Aegis Advisory Committee;

Commander Brian Brown, Sky Harbor Aegis;

 

From:

Ambassador Drankum, Station Commander, Sky Harbor Aegis

 

Re:

Your Message

===========================================

Greetings my female robotic humon Ambassador,

 

I believe clarification about local powers is needed given some of your unprofitable assumptions. Do remember that the planet of Kobheeria is within a short distance of several days travel from the facility. This Federation member world shows that the local power structure of this region to be much more fluid than you believe. Regardless of the impact the presence or lack of presence from the Breen Confederacy, there are no other major military powers of concern minus the Cardassian Union.

 

Even though the territory of the Kobheerians does not extend outside of their solar system, the future utilization and possible integration of unclaimed territory of this area will remain a hot topic for years to come. Latinum can be earned in such claims, something the Federation and others have been popular in doing over the past century.

 

The new role proposed for you is to serve as a representative of the humon civilian government when individuals require such an individual. To that end, since the Federation has granted authorization for the colonists to begin operations in the TKR-117, they will need communication with you. However, this is not a colony the humons themselves are sponsoring.

 

I cannot give you further information about the group because there is nothing more available. Outside of knowing they are coming, have individuals who hold citizenship within the Federation, you will have to discover their motives and other profitable facts when they arrive in several weeks.

 

Also, as a side note. Communications dealing with this facility should, due to confidentiality, be restricted to individuals involved. While I understand your female robotic doubles are likely interested in the situation, an Ambassador on Earth or a starship commander have no business knowing about such confidential things.

 

Thank you for your profitable comments.

 

~Drankum~

AMBASSADOR

STATION COMMANDER

SKY HARBOR AEGIS, ALPHA QUADRANT

[Joy 0]

Subject : Human Governments

From : Ambassador Joy Two, Aegis

To : Ambassador Drankum, Aegis

CC : The Aegis Advisory Committee

Commander Brian Brown, Sky Harbor Aegis

Ambassador Joy Seven, Earth

Ambassador Joy Eight, MMS Mudd

 

 

I seem to recall, during the recent misunderstandings regarding paragraph 14(7), that you invoked diplomatic privilege in demanding the right to withdraw your over sized 'diplomatic courier' from Aegis.. (At some time in the future, we might want to consider that incident and the old Gorn incident, and cease acknowledging the diplomatic credentials of over sized ships. It is not required that we accept diplomatic credentials for a craft larger than a scout or at most a frigate.) I advised Captain Muon that your craft should be released, in spite of a clear and present danger to the station. This confirmed precedent under international law and tradition that the commander of a space station does not have proper authority to censor or halt diplomatic traffic. At the time you invoked dire consequences if such precedent was not honored.

 

In addition, if you wish me to represent at need a human government, I believe I will need to contact other human governments. It is not my understanding, nor do I believe it advisable, that you consider the new colony to be your personal fief. Ambassador Seven is my direct report on Earth for good reason. We understand one another. If you cannot provide me with information on the colonists, I must seek whatever other channels available. My sisters share appropriate security clearances, and there is a clear need to know.

 

Either as a military captain of a vessel on which I am serving, or as the ambassador of a foreign power, it would be my desire to further your missions and plans to the best of my ability. I would expect the same of you. A Starfleet Captain's duty is to the best of their ability support the interests of diplomacy and maintaining friendships between powers. To the best of their ability, to the extent it does not compromise specific assigned tasks, they are expected to support any Federation diplomatic personnel on board their vessels, and to a reasonable extent foreign representatives as well. On the other hand, when you are wearing your Ferengi Ambassador hat, you likely should not expect cooperation and friendship from the Federation except to the extent that you provide cooperation and friendship in return. While it is confusing that you are wearing two hats, and it is not always clear when we are talking military authority and when we are talking politics, either way the relationship between us ought to be a mutual honoring of requests.

 

In addition, I fear the androids of Mudd have become somewhat obsessive about who they must obey orders from, and who they must not. It is an asimov processor thing. It would be advisable for you to use the word 'please' rather than 'shall.' As it would not be prudent or constructive for me to instruct you or most any other Ferengi on matters of finance, you likely do not want to start a discussion with me or any Mudd android on laws, treaties and chains of command. Trust me. You don't want to go there. Either you respect my ability to contribute to Aegis and work with me, or I shall take definitive steps to remove myself from any shadow of your authority.

 

I can respect the military and economic agenda you seem to be pressing. I would hope you could respect my desire to make as many friends as possible in the area, and as few enemies. I shall honor any reasonable request to further the interests you are pushing. If you cannot bring yourself to reciprocate, we have a problem.

 

On my first tour on Aegis, when there was an initial clash between Starfleet and Diplomatic personnel, I strove to reduce diplomatic protocol to a few sentences. "Do not search, detain or issue orders to diplomatic ships, embassies or personnel. If something is required, make a polite request. If something is absolutely required, use absurdly excessive civility." I tried to emphasize to the other ambassadors that they should honor any such polite requests if at all possible. I tried to make both Starfleet and the diplomatic corps aware of the principle of reciprocality, that if one did not honor requests, one's own requests are not apt to be honored.

 

I think I could have brought the diplomatic corps around, but Starfleet seemed determined to flaunt the ancient diplomatic traditions at every opportunity.

 

Are you willing to acknowledge them?

 

I shall also note that we of Mudd consider the word 'robot' and its derivatives applied to an android to be the equivalent of organic ethnic slurs. The word implies lack of sentience and poor quality construction that could in no way pass for organic. Please cease usage of such language in any exchange intended to be civil.

 

 

Ambassador Joy Two

Edited March 5, 2009 by Joy