Panic Attack

[McFly 0]

::Minutes pass after Precip and Farrington leave for the dorsal module. Matt keeps a tight eye on the Romulan Warbirds patrolling the area. The silence on the bridge is deafening. Everyone waits anxiously to find out who sent that distress signal exposing Manticore’s existence in Romulan space. The reality of the situation is becoming apparent. Matt’s chest tightens and he becomes short of breath but keeps his composure on the outside. With no one talking, he’s alone with his thoughts::

 

What the hell were those jackholes thinking? They’re trying to expose us I know they are. They thought we’d get cold feet so they rigged the damned thing to get the Romulan’s attention and start the fight that way. @#$% StarFleet!

 

::Matt takes slow deep breaths so as not to attract attention from the bridge staff::

 

…What the hell’s wrong with me? Why am I so nervous?

 

::He keeps his eyes trained on the tactical display::

 

This is really happening isn’t it? And we’re all about to die doing it. Is that it am I afraid to die? It must be, I get tense whenever I think about it. That doesn’t make sense, why am I afraid to die? I was fine with it earlier, in fact I encouraged it, I’ve been waiting to die my entire tenure here. Just yesterday I was so ready to fly this ship in and stick one up those friggin Romulans. I’ve downright expected to die since I first heard the details of this mission. Some would say I was hoping for it… I would say I was hoping for it.

 

I don’t get it, why do I all of a sudden care? And why do I keep thinking of Kans-- Ah hell! Damn girl put a spell on me. Now I know what that song means.

 

Crap, I want to live now, and I want Kansas to live too… Yeah I really don’t care what happens to anyone else, but I really want me and Kansas to live. I think I want to grow old and have lots of babies with her too… Yeah I’m probably just making that part up but the rest is true that much I know. Wow, this is a milestone for me, for once I’m actually hoping we don’t screw it up and die in an obviously obliterating yet visually spectacular explosion.

 

::Matt rubs his face and refocuses his attention::

 

Alright, if we’re going to make it alive I need to do my job. I suppose saving me and Kansas means I gotta keep everyone else alive too. Well if that’s the way it’s gotta be… focus!

 

::Matt slows his breathing but still feels tense::

 

I’m still pumped, I need to calm myself down. What’d my therapist say? Think of luscious meadows… a warm breeze… fluffy bunnies-- No bunnies! Crap I forgot!

 

Something else, maybe a joke, a good laugh will do me good. All right, two Bolians walk into a bar and ask for Tholian herb tea… Wait I’ve heard this before it’s not that funny. That’s all right I’m feeling calmer anyway. I just need to focus on my job and keep the ship in one-piece… one big piece… Damnit I hope I get over this will to live crap.