Personal Log - Operations Officer

[LtCmdr Roget 0]

I stormed out of the Officer's Mess; head high, shoulders back, before I could say anything else. It bristled me that he always had a way to goad me into saying things that were better left unsaid. No matter how I would try to explain my outburst, he would always remember the, "I still love you."

 

I wiped the palms of my hands across my flanks and entered the turbo lift, not turning around until the doors closed. "Senior Officer Quarters". The turbo lift hummed along.

 

He wouldn't follow me, I knew that. It's not his style, and yet I harbored a small hope that indeed he had been standing in the hall, open mouthed, shocked at my admission.

 

The doors closed behind me to my quarters and I reached up to remove the pins from my hair, letting the heavy mass tumble down. I quickly shed the uniform, slipped a deep violet kimono over my pale skin, and poured a glass of wine from the decanter as I moved over to the mirror to examine my reflection.

 

My eyes were not exactly the same. Margaux's eyes were slightly more oval, where Megan's had been more round. A subtle difference, to be sure, but it was the color that he had been referring to. Green, like the forest after a rain. Deep and vibrant. A color people often try to imitate, but I had been born with. I laughed at that thought as I set down the wine glass and picked up a hairbrush. The rhythmic strokes soothed my nerves as I sat in the window seat looking at the planet below.

 

Born with. What a joke. There was nothing of me anymore which reflected my birth heritage. I have had more cranial and skeletal implants and had my DNA transformed more times than I cared to remember. I was part of an experiment. Selected because of certain abilities and then place in laboratories or training centers to hone those abilities. To push my limits, test my strengths, and forge me into a weapon.

 

I set the brush down and picked up a shirt Kyle had left on the edge of the chair. In one careless moment I quite possibly have opened a door better left closed. I thought again of Atragon, the man I knew, the man I know, and hoped that he realized the bigger picture was more important that our snapshot in time. I prayed that I would remember that.

 

My dreams were haunted enough. I didn't need reminders of what could have been. This mission had brought memories long buried to the surface, and not all of them were good.