Choices ((Kent/Riley, connected to "Tarnished Star"))

[Samantha_Kent 0]

The fire still burned brightly in the wide fireplace, fending off the moist, cold coastal air bleeding into the pub through the open doors and windows. A crossbreeze assisted the lingering wisps of smoke out the opposite windows and cleared the stuffy air in the now empty 'Tarnished Star'. Brian helped Howard, the bartender, turn a thick oak table upright and then pushed the battered chairs back into place. The scene of violence only twenty minutes earlier was now transformed back to a realm of comfort. Physically resetting the items, instead of letting the holodeck do it, was a kind of catharsis for Brian and a silent apology to his holographic proprietors.

 

"Computer, locate..." Sam paused. She was restless, in the mood to talk, to do something, but the question was with whom. Both of the two people she generally talked to had been proving themselves stressful lately, but perhaps that was more a reason to talk than a reason to shy away -- she had to smooth things out and get a handle on that situation soon. "Locate Brian Riley." The computer hummed for a moment. "Lieutenant Riley is in Holodeck 6." Sam nodded, thinking privately that perhaps she could join whatever he was doing and let that occupy her for a while. She took the turbolift and stood outside the doors of the holodecks, which slid open before her to reveal a pub setting from Earth, one she didn't recognize. "Hello?"

 

Brian stood up from behind one of the tables, in his hand a cracked but unbroken mug that he had snatched from its hiding place under the a chair. Freezing in place upon seeing Samantha standing in the open doorway, his face sprinted from confusion to surprise to fear before settling on an imperceptibly forced smile. "Samantha, this is really a surprise." He looked around at the pub of his creation. His place of retreat that had been inadvertently bared open to a person whom he most wanted to share with but was desperately afraid of doing so. "I guess I should welcome you to the 'Tarnished Star'."

 

Sam returned his smile, feeling oddly off-balance, as if something was wrong, but unable to put her finger on it. "Sorry," she said, remaining near the doorway and looking around at the tables and chairs arrayed around the room. "I hope I wasn't disturbing anything. Should have called ahead."

 

Setting the cracked mug on the bar top, he turned and motioned toward a table near the stone fireplace. "I was just helping Howard and Effie. Please come in and make yourself comfortable."

 

Sam chuckled and stepped further into the room, letting the doors slide shut and vanish behind her before sitting down in one of the chairs. "So...what is this place?" she asked, looking around again and trying to place the setting in her only vague grasp of Earth history.

 

Brian pushed away from the bar as if that massive piece of oak that had been carved from the keel of the HMS Pendant was the only thing keeping him upright. He spread his arms to gesture toward the yellowed plaster walls decorated with a few landscape paintings and coats of arms, the most prominent decoration a matched set of dueling rapiers crossed over the fireplace. "Welcome to 1944, southeast England. This is a pub in World War Two Britain."

 

Sam followed the direction of his gesture, eyeing the walls and their decorations. "Impressive...I suppose I'll have to add historian to your list of endeavors." Honestly, given his past, she wouldn't have pegged him as one with much time for digging in four-hundred-year-old history, but it wouldn't be the first time Brian had surprised her.

 

A genuine smile spread across his face and his eyes brightened to compliment it, "Actually, I originally went to George Washington University with the intention of becoming a historian. I focused on United States history...from the discovery period of the 1500s to when it was integrated into the world governing council in the late 2100s."

 

Sam relaxed slightly as Brian's whole manner lightened at the question, and she grinned at a sound of enthusiasm in his voice. "Sounds fascinating...I know a fair amount about Bajoran history, such as remains to us of it...but I'm afraid I'm woefully lacking in that of Earth. You'll have to recommend me some good topics."

 

"That would depend on your interests. I have found that there are corollaries in the histories of many species. As a matter of fact I was on Risa to discuss exactly that when..." A shadow seemed to cross Brian's face and the inquisitive, innocent light in his eyes shut off as if a switch was thrown. Thankfully, Effie strode up to the table at that moment with coincidental but perfect timing.

 

"Your usual pint, Brian, luv?" Effie studied Samantha a moment, then smiled approvingly, "And something for you, dearie?"

 

Sam's dark eyes didn't miss the jolting change that spread across Brian's features and she stood up suddenly from her chair, though whether to move towards him, leave, or try to change the subject, she wasn't quite sure. Before either of them could do anything they were interrupted by the portly woman who had been behind the bar. "Um...yes, please," she responded to the woman's question, but, realizing that springwine was not likely to be on the menu in 20th century Earth, she looked from Effie cautiously to Brian and back. "What do you recommend?"

 

Brian glanced over at Samantha, his face neutral as the turmoil he had naively thought was recently resolved about his feelings for her boiled back with a vengeance. Why was it that he could talk so easily and revealingly to this woman? She made him feel like that innocent young man that he had thought lost years ago, and that scared him more than he could acknowledge even to himself. "Two ales Effie, thanks."

 

Sam slid back into her seat slowly as Brian placed an order for them, and looked up at him curiously, but his expression was now neutral, showing no sign of the darkness he had shown her just a moment before. Part of her was frightened of it, even of him and the past he claimed, but it was also what made him intriguing, different. She was in awe of him, she was curious about him, she was confused by him and most importantly she wanted to help him...somehow. And it was that which kept her from making the simple decision, from simply going with Malik and his easy flirtation, from trying to retain Brian's friendship but sidestep the difficult patches.

 

"So..." she said, cursing the awkward tone in which it emerged. "Ah...did you write this program yourself?" Not the smoothest conversational juncture, but clearly history wasn't going to work again as a topic, at least not immediately.

 

"Hmm?" He was distracted enough by his own troubling thoughts that he had a little difficulty with Samantha's shift in conversation. "Oh! Yes...I wrote this in my second year at the Academy. I have been fiddling with it ever since." Brian looked around the pub, avoiding looking directly at Samantha for fear of his internal conflict being revealed in his eyes. "It is usually more crowded, there is an American air base about two klicks down the road. But I cleaned out the extras, they were getting a little rough."

 

Sam found it vaguely hard to believe that Brian would be unsettled by a place being "too rough," but she let it pass, and glanced back towards the bar after Effie before turning to watch her companion as his gaze roved around the room in an uncharacteristically jumpy manner. "Too bad...could have used the exercise..." she said, trying to lighten the mood a bit. You're doing it again, you know... she thought to herself, a little frustrated. You're evading the issue... But looking at Brian she wasn't even sure she knew quite what the issue *was* here.

 

Effie expertly carried the two brimming pints of ale and set them on the table. "If you need me for anything else, just give a call." She winked surreptitiously at Brian, signaling an appreciation of his choice in company, before heading into the back room to assist her husband in stocking the pantry.

 

Brian picked up the large glass of amber liquid that was nearest to him and took a sip. Deciding to use the interruption to change the subject and deflect any more uncomfortable questions. "So, why were you looking for me?"

 

Sam took the other glass, smiling a thanks at Effie as the portly woman left the two of them alone. She sipped at it cautiously and found it to her taste; not quite as good as the Bajoran version but certainly well-replicated. "Good stuff," she said, setting the glass back down on the table and glancing at him. "Just trying to find something to do," she said, shrugging, reflecting how lame it sounded despite its being possibly the first sentence so far between them that wasn't some sort of evasion.

 

As much as he tried to avoid it, his gaze was drawn to Samantha. "I am sure there are plenty of things you could be doing. Why me?" He immediately regretted how harsh that sounded, but considering the interest he had expressed in her before, he felt it valid.

 

Sam looked at him in surprise, and, valid as the question might be, felt a little hurt. She shifted in her chair slightly, looking at him. "I don't know," she said, shrugging again. Well, that wasn't quite true, but trying to articulate the complicated mess of feelings that her personal life was morphing into would hardly provide the short, neat answer he was looking for. "I've...I enjoy talking with you, I dunno..." Her expression grew a little uncertain.

 

Seeing the shift of expression gave Brian the sudden revelation that Samantha may be as confused as he. He mentally kicked himself for not looking beyond his own turbulent emotions and reached over to gently cover her hand with his. "It may not seem like it, sometimes. But I enjoy talking with you too, Samantha."

 

Sam looked down at the hand covering hers and rubbed her other hand down her face and the back of her neck tiredly, trying not to let the contact make her tense up. It was difficult to maintain the argument that she wasn't looking for more than friendship if she started letting her stomach drop down around her feet every time either of them did anything. "Good," she said quietly, after considering a few responses and selecting the least complicated.

 

Brian stared at her a long moment before breaking into a a deep, loud laugh that rapidly grew uncontrollably into a small fit.

 

Sam jumped and pulled back a little from him, looking at him in confusion. "Prophets...what...?" she asked, raising both eyebrows and trying to figure out what he found so funny.

 

He held up a hand while he struggled to catch his breath. The laughter alone helped him relieve a little bit of the tension that wrapped him so tightly at the moment. "We are quite a pair." Brian sighed and took a long pull from his ale.

 

Sam watched him, her expression bemused and not entirely certain whether he was laughing at her or himself, or perhaps both. "Yeah...I guess we are..." she said, half-smiling, and sipped at her ale again.

 

Brian took another long drink and emptied his glass. His gaze drifted over Samantha, taking in the silky texture of her hair, her wide and expressive eyes, and her full lips which were at the moment drawn tight in a cautious smile. Could this woman handle a side of him that scared even himself? It was easy to glaze over the darker details of his past, making him sound more like a swashbuckler than a slave. It was so much safer to sidestep the truth, producing the hollow simulation of a relationship he'd had with women before.

 

Sam saw him watching her and she quickly took another sip of her drink to give herself something to do in the slightly awkward silence. She had absolutely no idea what was going through Brian's mind today; something was different, but she couldn't put her finger on it, another layer of confusion in an already confused situation. "You're a puzzle, Brian," she said honestly after a few seconds, setting her glass down on the table and contemplating it, rotating it on the wood with the tips of her fingers.

 

"Be careful trying to put me together, a few of those pieces have some pretty sharp edges. I would hate myself if you got hurt." He looked down into his empty glass as he spoke.

 

Sam glanced up at him. "I'm not afraid of a few scratches," she said, almost defensively. If he thought she was stringing him along because she was scared of getting hurt, he was completely wrong. If anything she was only afraid of who she might hurt before this whole process was over...her own well-being was becoming rather secondary.

 

Brain looked up and caught her gaze. When he spoke his voice was soft, almost a whisper, "Maybe I am afraid of giving them to you."

 

Sam met his eyes as he spoke, and then nodded slowly as silence descended between them. So here we are...both afraid to hurt the other, both for various reasons afraid of doing anything "official," and yet both unwilling to pull away. "Quite a pair," indeed.

 

"So who's going to put it together?" she asked after a few moment's pause.

 

The wide plank floor creaked sharply as Brian leaned back in his chair and sighed heavily. He looked around the empty pub and crossed his arms. The blackout curtains that had been drawn over the open windows fluttered gently in a weak night breeze. "For a long time I have been working under the assumption that it is my job alone to fix what is broken. Some casual help is not going to make the project go any faster."

 

Sam pulled one of her legs up onto her chair and leaned on her knee heavily, looking at the wood of the table intently. "I've done a lot of thinking about what you told me, you know...about how I should figure out what I want," she said quietly. "And in the long run, I keep coming up with the same answers. I want to help people...ideally, with some big discovery that changes the world, but those are hard to come by, so I take what I can get." She looked up at him. "And I think you need that help, but I don't know what's right here anymore..." She was starting to ramble, uncertain of what her point was. "Prophets..." she mumbled, picking up her glass again and taking an overlarge gulp of the ale. "We're all crazy..."

 

Brian's blue eyes gazed at her as his mind whirled. The part of him that wanted to share everything with Samantha, to place his shattered soul in her hands and blindly trust her to gently put it back together, screamed in desperation. But his caution, overwhelming from years of exercise and hard-learned lessons, tempered and fought back the grasping desire. He had been offered help many times before. Most had used it as leverage, to get something from him. A very few had honestly tried, and failed. How long would she stay before giving up and moving on like the rest? "Malik might need your help more." It was a coarse thing to say. But it was his last shield, if she persisted much longer he would be defenseless.

 

Sam's jaw worked for a moment and she suddenly exploded in a burst of frustration. "Why does it have to be you versus Malik? Why can't I just help you?!" she snapped tiredly, then sighed, and leaned her head on one hand, rubbing at her temples and collaring the uncharacteristic outburst. "I'm not trying to make this life or death, Brian," she finally said carefully, each word coming slowly. "But something is wrong...and you can't expect me to just ignore that."

 

He jumped at her outburst and almost lost the balance of his tipped chair. Sitting up and letting the front legs fall to the floor, Brian quickly composed himself and frowned at Samantha. "I will expect you to do exactly that if I ask you to." He slapped the table and stood up quickly, walking toward the door but turning back after a few steps to start pacing. A good portion of his forced composure fell away and the confusion he had hidden so far showed openly on his face. "Before you came in I had decided I wouldn't pursue you." His words poured out of the sudden breach in his defenses. "I thought that I wasn't prepared to be close to anyone the way I want to be close to you." He threw his hands up in frustration and turned on a heel to glare at Samantha, "Then you had to walk in and make me realize that there is nothing I want more than to be near you, to be open with you, to share everything with you. And it scares the hell out of me."

 

Sam listened to this tirade from where she sat at the table, her eyes shut, her head leaned on one hand, not moving under the blast of words. When he finished, she sat in silence for a moment longer, trying to somehow organize her thoughts. She knew she had been something of a hypocrite when she had snapped at Brian for referencing Malik; the truth was that it *was* a choice, and when talking to either of them it was always in the back of her mind.

 

Malik...Malik was sweet, and he tried hard to impress her, and had there been no conflict in her heart she would have taken him without a thought. But Brian...she had never seen anything like the tormented young man standing in front of her, his blue eyes full of a pain that she desperately wanted to help, his words declaring at once a repulsion and a need for that help.

 

She stood up slowly, looked at him almost embarrassed, and crossed the room to stand next to him at the doors. "I never meant to hurt you, or to scare you..." she said, looking up at him. "I...I'm no good at this, Brian, but I want to help. Tell me how." The words were noncommittal, saying nothing she hadn't said before, but the tone and expression went deeper, showing both her attachment to him and how keenly she was feeling the conflict tearing at them both. Suddenly she reached out and laid a hand on his shoulder, wondering at the back of her mind how many promises could be contained in the gesture.

 

Brian froze when she touched his shoulder, the swirling tempest of his conflicting thoughts falling silent as he looked at Samantha's hand, her light smooth skin contrasting sharply against the dark color of his uniform. He slowly turned his head, his gaze tracing her arm until he looked into her eyes, searching for the promise that was missing from her words. A promise that she wouldn't quit, no matter how difficult it might get. "I...I don't really know how." His voice was hesitant, the caution was still there watching warily from the side. "I guess we will have to find out together."

 

Well, that was progress. Some of the fear was gone from his eyes, and he hadn't pulled away. Of course, she was digging herself a hole that she might find difficult to get out of in the morning, if it turned out she wanted to. For the moment, she didn't really care. The look in his eyes was enough to tell her that she was needed here, and she shut out her doubts as something to deal with later, meeting his gaze firmly as his blue eyes searched her dark ones. "I guess we will," she said, tightening her grip against his shoulder slightly and releasing it again.