Unexpected Ambivalence - Part III

[Laehval tTemarr 0]

Unexpected Ambivalence - Part III

A shoreleave log by

El'Riov Laehval t'Temarr

 

 

“D’elon… I know who you are. Ranos’imana … who you were. What you are hiding from,” I said softly once the two of us were in the privacy of our suite.

 

As soon as the truth spilled out in a rush, I regretted my decision to tell him. I thought I had prepared myself, but I did not expect physical violence. Rage contorted his features as he flew at me and pushed me into the wall. Both of his hands wrapped around my neck as he yelled.

 

“Who sent you?! Who else knows I am here?!”

 

I would have replied, but the fact that he was restricting the flow of air to my lungs prevented that. He seemed to realize because his grip loosened slightly, though the anger still burned in his eyes. My fingers struggled pitifully to pry away his hands.

 

“WHO SENT YOU?!” he repeated, yelling even louder.

 

“N-no… one,” I rasped. Breathing was still difficult, but I no longer found myself on the verge of losing consciousness.

 

“I don’t believe you! Who sent you?! Were you sent to kill me?”

 

My head hit the wall as he jerked me forward and back again and I lost focus for a moment. I struggled to maintain control of my senses. His face was inches from my own and I could see the relentless war of emotion that played across his face. Fear and anger were feeding one another and taking control. Fascinated with his rage and the possibility of being consumed by it, I could not look away.

 

As the moment passed, I suddenly realized that I was not a helpless victim. I was a Galae officer. I was a Galae Engineer. True, I had not the combat skills of a security crewman, but I was trained in self-defense just as any other officer would be. Though I could not remember the proper techniques, relentless training had ingrained the memory into my muscles. My body seemed to take over without direction.

 

A few moments later, we had both collapsed to the floor. D’elon was writhing in pain and clutching his groin tenderly. I was simply happy to be free. Propping myself up on the wall, I placed one hand to my throat, wondering if I would soon be sporting bruises. My head throbbed unmercifully and the sound of my labored breathing was loud in my ears. I watched as he recovered from the knee I’d dealt.

 

“I suppose I deserved that,” he said finally.

 

“Yes,” I agreed.

 

“If you had come to assassinate me you would have done it already. If you had come to deliver me back to the capital, you would have never revealed yourself. I wager you would have knocked me unconsciousness that first night.”

 

“Yes,” I said again.

 

“And your enjoyment of our trip in the glider was not feigned. I know for truth that it was not.”

 

“No. It was a true delight,” I admitted wearily. “I should have revealed everything when we first met.”

 

“I would not have believed you. I may have even killed you,” he answered truthfully.

 

“You would not have killed me,” I said without hesitation. “I do not think you are capable of it.”

 

“Do not be so certain. Sometimes I even surprise myself.”

 

He rose to his feet with a slight wince and moved to where I sat on the floor, offering his hand to me. I took it carefully, still wary of what he might do, and let him assist me to my feet. He disengaged quickly and put some distance between us. I wondered if he was embarrassed by his violent outburst. I could not fault him for it, but had no way to tell him how I felt. He stood by the windows and gazed out over the lake.

 

“There is no shame in it, D’elon. I find that what you did – how you gave up everything because of your beliefs – to be quite noble.”

 

“Ranos’imana,” he said quietly. “Call me Ranos’imana. I have not heard my true name in so long.”

 

“There is no shame in it, Ranos’imana,” I repeated, venturing slightly closer. “I was not sure if I could tell you how I discovered your true identity. However, after spending more time with you, I could not bear the idea of someone hurting you or forcing you back to reinstate your research.”

 

“I would die before I started the program again.”

 

“There will be no need for that.”

 

“If you can find me, it will not be long before someone else does.”

 

“That will not happen,” I assured him.

 

“You cannot guarantee that.”

 

“Actually, I can,” I replied truthfully, meeting his eyes as he turned to stare. “I have already corrected the errors in your record in such a way that no one will ever be able to trace your whereabouts again.”

 

“Except you?” he asked.

 

There was hope in his eyes, but I could tell that he was still suspicious of me. “No. Not even me. If you relocate, I would not be able to find you again. You are in control of your life.”

 

He nodded slightly and turned to the windows, gazing out across the lake as twilight began to paint the water black. I studied him for several minutes, letting the silence grow and divide us. When he showed no inclination to move I turned away noiselessly. I did not know what to do with myself, so I moved to the replicator and began to browse through the database. I was not particularly hungry but was too embarrassed to interrupt his solitude with pointless talk and speculation.

 

After a time, I heard him approach, but did not look in his direction. He leaned against the counter in the dining area and watched me pretend to ignore him. I did my best, but I could not stare at the replicator forever.

 

“I am sorry,” he said when I finally glanced at him.

 

“And I also,” I replied with all the sincerity I could muster. “Forgive me for not telling you sooner. It was selfish of me.”

 

‘You did not have to tell me at all. It was within your right to live your life without another thought for me.”

 

“It did cross my mind,” I said with a slight sigh, “but I could not, in good conscience, leave you to that fate, especially not when resolution was within my scope of ability.”

 

“You honor me,” he said quietly.

 

I was at a loss on how to respond to that, so I said nothing. He seemed to understand.

 

“Did you not mention something about a social gathering this evening?” he asked. His light tone aroused my suspicions.

 

“Yes. A crewmate of mine invited me. You were included in the invitation as well. He said it would only be a small gathering of his friends to watch the upcoming S’Bien match. Will you come with me?”

 

“Of course,” he assured me. “We only have a short time until we must leave. You should ready yourself while I arrange for transport.”

 

“Thank you,” I said simply.

 

I set my drink aside and walked toward the bathing area, but he caught my arm as I passed and pulled me close. I did not protest as he leaned to brush his lips against mine. The kiss was not rushed or fevered but still carried with it the undeclared passion we both felt. I lost myself to it and wrapped my arms around his neck as he deepened the kiss and molded his body against mine. It was foolish of me to wish for more, but I did. When we finally broke apart, I knew that this was his way of saying goodbye. The contact carried a sense of finality that I wanted to ignore.

 

I pulled slowly away, my hand clasped with his for as long as possible until the space between us grew and we could no longer touch. I left him there as I went to shower and change into something suitable for Desotire’s party. I rushed through the preparations, anxious to discover if my predictions were true. When I finally emerged, D’elon was gone leaving no lasting signs to indicate that he had ever been there at all. Though I had expected this, I was still saddened that my propensity for pessimism was validated yet again.

 

I did not cry. Instead, I whispered a prayer to the Elements to keep him safe and undiscovered.

It was there that my brief association with Ranos’imana tr’Lleayyan ended.