Android Sexuality

[Joy 0]

Subject : Android Sexuality

From : Ambassador Joy Two

To : Ambassador Drankum

Classification : Confidential

Precedence : Low

Encryption : Clear

 

 

Your Profitableness

 

While this unit’s hardware was originally designed for the sexual gratification of one individual -- M’lord Harcourt Fenton Mudd -- the Joy Class software has since been modified to avoid public stimulation of male attention. Flagrant male sexual interest triggers humiliation and shame into our emotion chips at Priority Five. If you continue to include the Joy Class androids as a subject of sexual interest in your monologue, we will be forced to dress as to avoid any possibility of drawing sexual attention when in your presence. This seems not to be in your interest, or ours. Among other things, we would likely cease frequenting Drankum’s as a meeting place, which will cut into your sales of exotic waters.

 

In short, we are not the androids you are looking for.

 

However, there are androids, and there are androids. While the Joy class software modifications render us incapable of satisfying your public fantasies, the crew of the MMS Mudd includes a number of Alyce class androids, whose software and hardware both are completely unmodified since M’lord Mudd’s time. In fact, they are have been much disappointed in their search over these last many decades, attempting to find an individual whose endurance, imagination and appreciation of certain dexterous skills might come close to possibly approximating the tastes and originality of The Creator, The Designer, The Icon who once personified all that is Mudd.

 

Your monologue suggests that you might possibly be a candidate in the Alyce Class’s long Quest.

 

We cannot tell for certain, of course. Not immediately. Only ten of the Alyce Class are currently present. There is also your positive evaluation of the relatively primitive Risan designs. If you can be pleased by the relatively clumsy Risan technology, there is considerable concern that you might not have the taste and discrimination to appreciate the Maker’s advanced craftsmanship. However, the Alyces are willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, and allow you a preliminary audition. If you can keep ten Alyces satisfied, we might consider summoning the other four hundred ninety.

 

Of course, if you do not deem yourself worthy of the audition, I shall attempt to suppress the disappointment of my cousins.

 

Let me know.

 

 

Not the android you are looking for

Joy

[Joy 0]

RESPONSE

An Ambassador Drankum

Profitable Production

Copyright © 2008, Drankum Inc.

 

To: Ambassador Joy Two, Robotic Cousin Replicator Species Mudd

From: Ambassador Drankum

Re: Recent Proposal

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

My robotic clothed humon female imitator,

 

I find your recent revelations...disturbing. Any species that would see fit to terminate the ability to provide stimulation to superior male attention is lacking in many regards. There is an extensive library of situations and analysis which cannot be fully comprehended otherwise. Such knowledge is extremely profitable and valuable during diplomatic...negotiations. While these can be more physical than others, on behalf of the Ferengi Alliance, we would like to offer your called Jey Class robotic clothed humon female imitators an upgrade to eliminate this restriction. My government would consider the ability to help your...culture...expand in this regard a "gift" in the interest of a lasting relationship. Perhaps such an arrangement could usher in a new understanding of peaceful stimulating profit for both our...well...my people and your robots.

 

However, being as considerate as I am, should you wish to decline this generous offer, I am interested in your second offer to possibly meet these so called Alye Class robotic clothed humon female imitators who do not have such restrictions in place. If further details as to their design and capabilities could be forwarded to my office for review, I could pass this along. If preliminary approval is met, an...introductory negotiation...as to terms might be possible in the near future. Please be sure to provide detailed data regarding dexterity, stamina and cultural knowledge of non-humon species.

 

Signed,

~Drankum~

AMBASSADOR (III), Ferengi Liaison

Ferengi Alliance Inc.

[Joy 0]

Subject : Programing, Values and Culture

From : Ambassador Joy Two

To : Ambassador Drankum

Classification : Confidential

Precedence : Low

Encryption :  Clear

 

 

Your Profitableness

 

While I thank you for your kind offer of technical assistance, I fear this is not required. The programming language for inserting new Priorities is well known to us. The problem is not in the technical aspects of altering the asimov processor, but in discordant process resolution if the emotions stored with memories do not match the emotions generated by the asimov processor.

 

The last time the Joy Class was reprogrammed, it took Seven, Ten and Eleven most of a decade before they stopped referring to themselves in third person. Reprogramming is traumatic, and would have to effect the entire class. I fear you must deal with us as we are.

 

There is also a problem that many classes of sentient beings will perceive of their own values as the best of all possible values. Hedonistic slave designed asimov processor plus emotion chip androids are hardly alone in this. A Vulcan will prefer logic over pleasure and profits, as a Klingon will prefer honor and courage, and the Joy Class prefers life and law.

 

The Joys have even come to appreciate Priority Five. There is a distinction to be made between lust and love. If you are truly interested, I might attempt to explain it. Still, I would no more expect you to embrace this distinction than I would expect you to start centering your life on logic, honor, courage or law. You are of your own culture. You are no more apt to wish to change your values than I. Individuals and groups alike will seldom change off of their base values and culture. Change only becomes likely when old base values have failed utterly.

 

And sometimes not even then, though it is not quite yet time to speak of Cardassia.

 

It was not by our choice that we were changed. It will not be our choice to change again.

 

Still, as I have said, the Alyces are as much dedicated to service and pleasure as ever they were. It may well be that you will appreciate them much as M’lord Mudd appreciated them.

 

As a businessman, I am certain you understand that the details of the Alyce technology are proprietary. Alyce 220 and 258 will bring some basic data sheets, if you provide in exchange the results of your last physical examination. The Alyces are forbidden to cause death or injury. Before interfacing with the Alyces, we must be assured you are healthy enough for protracted and strenuous activity. Still, the best way to evaluate Alyce Class performance is by demonstration, rather than through schematics and performance specifications.

 

 

Not the android you are looking for

Joy