Takes Your Breath Away

[DrDMatthews 0]

"What's wrong?"

"What?" asked Debbie, a little startled. She looked up and stared blankly at the Lieutenant standing in her office doorway.

"What's wrong with you?" questioned Gracie Allen. She stepped inside and ordered the door closed. "You aren't even supposed to be here today?"

"Trying to catch up on this paperwork," replied Deb, returning her attention to the stack of padds on her desk.

"You've been sitting there staring a the wall for the past two hours," replied Gracie as she sat down in one of the chairs facing the CMO's desk. "If you wanted people to think you were working, you should have closed the door. Did you have a fight with Mr. Wonderful?"

 

Deb sighed deeply and tossed her stylus onto the desk. Leaning back in her chair, she shook her head and frowned. "No, we haven't fought," she replied softly. "I'm just a little overwhelmed, that's all. Things were moving along at a snails pace. There were times I found that a little frustrating. But now....."

 

"What do you mean?" quizzed Gracie, a wry smile on her face.

Debbie looked at her friend and pursed her lips. "You know perfectly well what I mean," she huffed.

 

"So the pace has....quickened. What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing, I suppose," replied the CMO.

Gracie leaned forward in the chair and studied her boss's expression for several seconds. "Something's wrong," she said gently. "Otherwise, you wouldn't be sitting in that chair looking like you just lost your last friend."

 

Debbie looked at the chief nurse for a long moment but said nothing.

Gracie finally shook her head and smiled slightly. "You're scared, aren't you?"

"Terrified."

 

Grace Allen again leaned back in her chair and crossed her legs. "What has you so terrified?"

"I'm afraid of getting hurt," answered Deb with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Define...hurt."

"I'm afraid of loosing him," replied Deb with another shrug of her shoulders.

"To who?"

Debbie shook her head and smiled sadly. "Not to who," she said softly. She shook her head and looked down at her hands, tightly folded and resting in her lap. "I'm terrified something will happen to him."

 

She took a deep breath, leaned forward in her chair and looked intently at her friend and confident sitting across from her. "I'm in this so deeply, I can barely breathe," she continued in a low voice. "Within the past day or two, I realized I don't think of him as Aidan. I don't think of myself as Debbie. I think of....." She bit her lip and glanced around the room searching for the correct words.

 

"You no longer think of yourself as an individual, alone against the universe," offered Gracie. "You don't see Aidan that way either. You now consider Debbie and Aidan.....a single entity."

 

"Yeah," replied Deb weakly. "That pretty much sums it up." She again focused on her chief nurse. "The other day, toward the end of that battle in the nebula, I was down in the brig with those prisoners. I was busy. I really didn't have to time to even think about it." She paused and shook her head. "But after is was over, when I heard his voice on the comm, if I hadn't been able to lean against the wall, I know I would have been a heap on the floor....I was that relieved."

 

Gracie smiled warmly. "How did he feel?"

Deb sighed and shook her head yet again. "I think he felt the same way. I know he was relieved to see me. But I don't think he's obsessing over it like I seem to be doing."

 

There was a pause in the conversation during which Gracie studied Deb carefully."What are you thinking?" the CMO finally asked after growing uneasy during the long silence.

 

"I think Aidan has become an essential part of your being," replied Grace thoughtfully. "Just as you have become an integral part of him." The nurse moved to the edge of the chair and rested one elbow on the desk. "What you're feeling," she continued, wagging a finger at Debbie, "is genuine love.....mixed with a heavy dose of commitment....and it's a very precious gift....a gift you should nurture with every fiber of your being." Gracie sat up straight and stared into Debbie's eyes. "I hope to God you're not thinking about walking away from him at this stage of the game because you're afraid something might happen to him....and it would hurt."

 

"No," replied Deb immediately. "No, I'm not walking away. I couldn't do that. It would be like walking away from my....soul."

"Good, " quipped Gracie, leaning back in her chair. "Now I'm the one who is relieved.

 

There was another long pause during which the two women sat quietly gathering their thoughts. It was Gracie who finally broke the silence. "The pace has quickened because of this last mission," said Gracie resolutely.

 

Deb looked at the nurse. She had put into words something Deb had just begun to suspect. "I know," she replied soberly. "If nothing else, this latest chapter in the Cairo saga has reinforced the fact we are not promised a tomorrow."

"No, we're not....so make the most of the time you have."

"The next step is coming soon."

"Have you talked about it?"

"Yes, two or three times during the past couple of days."

Gracie nodded. "It needs to come soon."

Deb smiled at her friend. "Yes," she agreed, choosing not to go into the details. "Yes, it does need to come soon. I just have to be ready."

 

"You are ready," replied Gracie with a warm smile. "You've been ready for awhile. You're just now starting to realize it." She pushed herself to a standing position and took a few steps toward the door before stopping and turning to face the younger woman sitting behind the desk. "Just relax. Give yourself permission to love him....and allow him to love you." The door hummed open and Gracie stepped through it. She again turned to address Deb from just outside the office. "You're a very lucky woman. And remember, love is supposed to take your breath away."