Trying to Fit a Round Peg in a Square Hole

[Cdr Rian Kwai 0]

Trying to Fit a Round Peg in a Square Hole

Joint Log by

Kania Kawalas-Ace & Rian Kwai

 

 

Kania Kawalas-Ace sat down next to Rian Kwai as ordered. It was obvious that she had lost her fighting spirit with the idea she should not ever return home. "Aye sir," she spoke quietly in a low tone.

 

"There's a human saying I've heard over and over lately," Rian sat with one leg tucked under the other, seemingly relaxed. She fiddled with a blade of grass as she continued. " 'You can't fit a round peg in a square hole.' What do you think that means?"

 

Kania sat looking at the ground, thinking for a moment. "The obvious? You can't place a round peg in a square hole?" She glanced at the acting Captain. "I don't understand what that has to do with us not getting home and the fact that no one will listen to what I have to say."

 

"You know what I've observed, Kania?" Rian plucked the blade of grass out of the ground. Choosing her words carefully, she continued. "You are a very determined woman. I've watched you, over and over again, try to get your point across. Trying to get everyone to listen."  She sighed. "Very determined. Would you agree?"

 

"I was. I'm giving up now. You heard Apollo. He said he will not change his way for anyone. But that's the only way to get off this planet and back to the Republic. So......" Kania trailed off with a heavy sigh. "There no sense be trying any more."

 

"Aaaaannnnnd that's my other observation." She glanced at Kania. "Please, just hear me out. I'm not saying this as a judgement, but an observation, Kania. You use the same tact, the same message, trying to drill your ideas in to the crew members over and over and over again, even when it's clear that tact....that path isn't working. Then you get frustrated and quit." Kwai shook her head. "Instead of regrouping, revaluating and trying another path, you keep down the same road. You're trying to drive a round peg into a square hole."

 

She sat there listening, understanding now what Kwai was saying. But the way she was presenting her message was the only way she knew. "Thing is this is all I have to go on. This is what I was told. This is *all* I was told. I can't make it anything else." Kania let out a soft sigh, becoming silent once more. 

 

"I understand that. There's no tactical plan here from the Prophets. We were dumped here with really no instructions, no rules, no goals to accomplish." Rian leaned back, crossing her legs at the ankle. "And maybe that's part of the point. Maybe we're supposed to try to figure how to accomplish this on our own." She shrugged. "So, if the way you're presenting message isn't working, what else can we try?"

 

Kania repositioned herself to sit cross legged Indian style. "I am not sure what else to try. I just don't know." Kania then leaned back, placing her arms at an angle behind to hold her body up.  

 

"I don't see giving up a viable option, do you?"

 

Kawalas-Ace looks over to Rian oddly. "A viable option? What other option would that be?" 

 

"Strategic retreat." Kwai wiggled ankles, watching her boots jiggle on her feet. "Regroup, try another direction. You know what worked best at camp?" She glanced up. "Not so much lecturing the kids on what to do, but showing them. The best lessons learned were not verbal ones, but the ones where the kids figured things out on their own just by watching others." 

 

"I have been trying to help out in every way I can. I have gotten through to Dave. He's even trying to help tell everyone else, but idea isn't getting anywhere. No one is getting the point. How else can we try to get the message across?"

 

Rian made a face, "Um...Dave's not been the best mouthpiece for this message." She winced. "If he comes back alive from that mission down river, I'll be surprised." The acting Captain took a slow breath, regrouping for a moment, before attempting to get the conversation back on track. "Tell me...what have you understood from our conversation so far?"

 

Kania looked away from Rian. She stared at her feet for a moment, then glanced to the sky as she formed her answer. "To back off and not push so much?" 

 

"Aye." She smiled a bit. "Let's...talk about something else that might help you figure out a new path." She bit her lip. "Um....tell me a bit about your daughter."

 

Kania's face dropped to display a very depressed state. "She is or well. Or was doing well in school and loves being on the ship. She thinks the world of everyone here, well there. I can't imagine what she's going through now. She's normally okay when I leave her but she always knows that I'm on duty or on an away mission. This time she has no idea where I am." 

 

Rian listened for a moment, then started to ask questions that she hoped would lead to her next point. "Bet she's as stubborn as you are. Right?"

 

Thinking before she answered, Kania shakes her head slightly no. "Actually Captain she has a more level head than I do. She takes more after her father in that area." 

 

"Thank the gods for small miracle," She chuckled teasingly.  "But I'm sure there are times when she tests your patience."

 

"I've been told most children do at some point. There's nothing odd about that." Kania sat back up again and leaned forward slightly over her crossed legs.  

 

"So what do you do when that happens?"

 

Kania looks Rian directly in the eyes, not certain she knew where she was going with this conversation. "When she tries my patience, I give her something else to occupy her time. Something constructive." 

 

"So you redirect her attention, right?" Rian asked.

 

"I guess you could say that." 

 

"Have you ever tried to make her do something she doesn't want to do?"

 

"She's normally very compliant. So no not really."  Kania shrugged.

 

"But have you ever tried?" Rian pushed a little, looking for an opening to get her point across.

 

"Maybe once. And that was her going to bed at one of the holiday parties. BluRox told her a second time and she went then without further question." 

 

"Why didn't it work when you told her?"

 

"I'm not sure." Kania looked away. She'd felt as if she was not firm enough with her daughter, but didn't want to come right out and admit it. 

 

"You didn't want to make her. Did you?" Rian saw the opening, and started to pursue the next line of questioning.

 

Kania started to become defensive, thinking that Kwai was attacking her parenting skills, "What makes you say that? Of course I wanted to make her but I also did not wish to make a scene." 

 

"Because making a scene would be bad. She'd be upset with you, right?" Rian ignored Kania's defensive tone, remaining calm as she continued with her point. "The allusion of control creates negativity, right? Negativity doesn't accomplish anything except resentment and rebellion. So can you really control what another being does?" Rian tilted her head. "I mean, you might be able to control their actions by ordering them around. But their attitude, their thoughts.......?"

 

"I guess not. Everyone has their own thoughts, and ..." Kania stopped suddenly, realizing where Kwai was going with this conversation. "Everyone has their own thoughts and you can not make them change them or force them in another direction." 

 

"Aye," Rian nodded as Kania seemed to appear to understand her point. "You can only control your own thoughts and actions. You can't force individuals to do what you want. What you do, however can influence others. But you have to let them draw their own conclusions." Rian raised a brow, wondering if Kania really did understand just how she got the reluctant officer to follow Rian's own train of thought. Kania may have gotten Rian's point, but did Kania realize how she got there?

 

"I think I see what your saying Captain. I just do not know how to tell them any other way than I already have." Kania stood up, "Sir. Permission to be alone for a few moments?" 

 

Rian stood and nodded her head. "Aye. As long as you promise not to give up on going home."

 

Kania watched as the acting Captain stood up next to her. She seemed to still exhibit some signs of depression, "Aye sir. I'll try not to. But it also does not look like I should be the one pushing the issue either."  She turned and headed up to a ledge overlooking the wilderness to reflect and regroup.