"Awkward Silences, Part 2"

[Lexia 0]

<<OOC Note: Events in this log take place immediately after events in "Awkward Silences, Part 1" >>

 

Dr. Lexia Tordai

&

Lt., j.g Aidan Driscol

 

"I think I love you."

 

Aidan swallowed hard when he heard the words, his brain refusing to quite take them in. Had she just said that she loved him? What was he supposed to say? That he loved her too? He had never said that to a woman besides his mother, he wasn't even sure what it felt like to love someone that wasn't his family. And why the hell couldn't his mind just shut up and why couldn't he just do the right thing. While he was thinking all of this he was just sitting there looking at her. He wasn't quite sure if this fight with himself was showing in any way. All he knew was that right now he couldn't move a muscle, which made him feel even more miserable.

 

She just sat there and waited, she knew that her words probably had thrown him into inner turmoil. Her mind was racing as well. What the hell had she just said? She suddenly found herself unable to move; her mind frozen. By all the gods what had she just said, what had she just done?

 

He got up and moved over to the sofa where he positively collapsed. He was feeling dizzy and his heart was racing. He wasn't good at this, he was even worse at this than he thought he would be. Had she actually meant what she said? He opened his mouth as if to say something, but he couldn't, instead he just looked at her helplessly hoping she'd do something, anything.

 

"Aidan," she seemed to be keeping her composure better then him. "Maybe that was a bit rash of me," her mind was spinning but she felt as if she needed to be the calm one at the moment.

 

"No," he didn't want her to take it back. "No, it's okay, I was just taken by surprise, that's all." He looked at her and made a decision. "Maybe it's time for me to tell you a little story, now, it's hardly as dramatic and sad as yours but it might possibly explain something." He tried to reach out for her but then just put his arm on the back of the sofa in a more than silly movement which wouldn't fool her into thinking that's what he had intended to do.

 

She took a sip from the drink he had just handed her and set it, with a gently clank, onto the coffee table in front of them. "Now Aidan, remember what happened last time we had story time..."

 

Aidan smiled weakly. "Yes, I do, I just want you to understand, and," he looked at her intently, "and I would hate for you to take back what you just said because I'm being an idiot."

 

She sighed, tiredly though not uncomfortably. "Very well then," she said, some of her outer shell returning and her word choice becoming a tad bit less friendly.

 

He looked at her and noticed the change in her tone. She was ready to put her defenses back up, well, so was he. He got up, "You know what, never mind, fine with me if you're not interested." Why was it that she always drove him up the wall and made him want to run away?

 

Why did she always do this, why did...she cut herself off mid-thought. "Aidan, please," it was not a beggars tone but one of sincere concern. "I never said this was going to be easy on either one of us," she reached out to touch his hand, but drew back unsure. "Go ahead," she said as she pulled her right leg under her left.

 

Aidan watched her reach for his hand and something in his chest went a little icy as she drew back before touching him. He remained standing "You're right, it's not going to be easy, but if easy were important to me I'd not be here right now." He took a deep breath and tried not to let his pride get in the way of their conversation, because, if he was honest to himself, every time she shot him down like that he could feel his ego roar inside him in displeasure.

 

"Sit down Aidan, please," she felt something fall inside of her every second he remained standing. She reached out again, perhaps to pull him back down or perhaps just to touch him. Either way this time she did gently grasp his wrist.

 

Why did this have to be difficult? Why couldn't he just do what he felt like doing? Aidan looked down at his wrist and sat back down next to her. Turning towards her he put one leg up on the sofa and rested his arm on the back of it, trying to look casual. "I'm not good at all of this, and I know that. You had a couple of lifetimes to practice this, but so far relationships have never been a priority of mine, it's always been Starfleet. The girls I was with were looking for someone to make them feel less lonely, not love, and I wanted the same." He looked at Lexia, hoping this would be enough to make her understand where he was coming from.

 

"A girl in every port kind of sailor, eh?" she smiled slightly, trying to understand what he was trying to tell her. As he sat her hand left his wrist and rest on the back of the sofa behind him.

 

Frowning he shook his head and then laughed. "God no, I don't think I could handle more than one of you at a time. I'm not a player or a cheater, I just," he hesitated and hastily looked away.

 

"You never were close to them for very long," she said, beginning to understand. "It was a temporary thing and was just understood to be no more." She brought her hand into her lap and waited for his response. She was trying to coax him to talk more; he had been relatively closed mouth since they arrived.

 

"Yes, I don't know what it feels like to love a woman," before he went on he took her hand in his mostly because he needed the reassurance this gesture meant than anything else. "It's just that before I tell you that I love you I want to make sure I really do. I would... well... I would hate to let you down." He had said it and hoped she wouldn't laugh at him for having said, and worse, feeling all those things.

 

"Take your time Aidan, this is not a race," she laid her left hand over his hand in hers. "I will be here."

 

He closed his eyes and wasn't sure if she got what he wanted to say, and much less was he sure that he was saying what he wanted to say. When opening his eyes he looked at her for a moment and then raised the hand she wasn't holding to her cheek and uncertainly leaned in a little.

 

She turned her head slightly as he leaned in, she closed the distance that he did not and their lips met again. For another few moments the clouds and swirls of doubt were silenced and they just existed in the moment. She let her free arm drape across his shoulder.

 

When the kiss ended Aidan didn't back away, their foreheads were almost touching and he could feel her breath on his face. "I want this, Lexia, but I don't want to hurt you. This feels different, a good kind of different."

 

"Aidan, you are talking to me," she paused, feeling his face only inches from hers. "Trust me, I've had my hearts broken many times...do not worry about me."

 

He moved back a little and looked at her, grinning. "Way to make me feel special." Finally he was able to relax a bit, as so many things that had to be said finally had been said.

 

"Oh but you are," in more ways then you know. She looked at him, nor speaking for a moment. He was grinning, why had she never noticed how cute that grin was before...

 

"Thanks Lexia, and I'm sorry for being, well, for being me." He wished he could be more confident right now.

 

"If we are apologizing for being us, shouldn't I be first?"

 

He grinned again. "I know how you could make it up to me." This was meant to be no more than a joke, but he knew Lexia might not think it to be a good one.

 

"Let's take it a bit slower then that, eh Driscol?" she lifted one eyebrow in mock scolding.

"You mean you won't make dinner for me tonight? That's a pity I was getting hungry." It was always fun to joke with her; he didn't always have to tread carefully.

 

She just shook her head and stood up, moving towards the replicator. "I hope you like Italian," she said, queuing up the recipes from the databank.

 

Aidan got up and walked up behind her. Placing his hands on her shoulder he looked at the recipes with her. "Oh, I like many things, Doctors, hand to hand combat, music, Italian. It's hard for me to say if I like Doctors or Italian best though."

 

She stood with his hands on her shoulders scrolling through recipes until they both agreed on something. "It's nice to know I encompass at least three of those things," she paused a slight beat, "we'll have to work on the music part though." She turned her head to look at him and smiled, then allowed her lips to touch his again, only briefly this time. The food shimmered into existence and she picked up the two plates. "Let's eat, I'm starving," she said turning towards the table.

Edited September 19, 2007 by Lexia