"Squeaky Clean!"

[LeftEar JoNs 0]

09.10.07

USS Excalibur NCC-2000B

“Squeaky Clean!”

 

Written by: Internal Affairs Junior Inspector Korix Vaos (power wielding git) and Lieutenant JG Left Ear JoNs (royally scrooged)

 

A few minutes after the Bajoran, who clearly ran the show, left the room, his two minions began plotting. After some hushed conversations one of them returned to the room. Young and clearly a little too excited about this, the young human officer walked up to JoNs' cell, smiling with glee. "So Kitty."

 

A flat look greeted the statement. "Guard. Come near me and you will be hurt."

 

"Oooo," he said nearly giddy. "She's a feisty little kitty."

 

Left Ear's tail fur had puffed out in anger, and her ears were both flat. "Mister, you have no idea. I am not a common housecat that you can give a bath too."

 

"Oh how little you know!" Hitting a button, the officer activated a series of half a dozen strong jets of water from the ceiling, literally dousing JoNs. After a few moments he hit the stop button and grinned. "Oh I can't can I?"

 

The Caitian had adopted a ready fighting stance. Not that it would do much good, but she was damned if she was going to go down without a fight - at which point the streams of water hit her. She went down in a sputtering rage.

 

“Listen to her hiss!"

 

Left Ear picked herself up from the decking, her fur and clothing sopping wet, and glared balefully at the guards.

 

Several other officers and enlisted had by this time made their way into the room and were laughing hysterically. "Do it again!"

 

"Okay!" He hit the button again and the streams hit her again, this time burning hot. The junior grade security lieutenant howled in pain as the scalding water hit her; she stumbled back from the force of the water jets.

 

"That won't get her very clean," one of the onlookers pointed out. "She needs a flea bath."

 

"You've got a point..." the officer in charge of the bath said.” Think we can run a hose in here?"

 

"Maybe we can replicate some long-handled scrub brushes. You know -- like they use in zoos?"

 

"Ooo," someone said, "I think Vaos would like that!"

 

One of the throng of 'fleeters headed over to the replicator and came back with half a dozen brushes and two buckets filled with water and some sort of cleaning solution and an anti-flea and tick additive.

 

Her brown fur and clothing were plastered to her now, and the Caitian was incensed. "I DO NOT have fleas! By what authority do you treat a being like this?"

 

"The Empire's, cat," drawled an officer. "Now hold your tongue or we'll muzzle you."

 

"So who wants to start scrubbing her?"

 

At this point, Left Ear launched into a rather interesting dissertation on the questionable ancestry of the Empire and its mother. A few juniors could be seen taking notes, while the others were howling in delight. With an effort, the feline reined her temper in; it was obvious the diatribe fell on deaf ears.

 

'Accidentally' one of them hit the water button again, hitting the felinoid with another stream of jets, this time from both sides and the ceiling. The water pelted JoNs mercilessly, and she went down hard on the decking. She inhaled water, which caused her to cough uncontrollably. She stayed flat on her stomach, continuing to hack and choke even after the water jets had stopped.

 

***************

 

Tapping a metallic stylus against the table in methodic rhythm, Inspector Vaos glanced to the soaking wet and collared Caitian that was strapped into the seat before him. "State your name for the record, please."

 

Green cat eyes stared back sullenly at Vaos. "JoNs, MVess." And that was all the official information that she was prepared to impart.

 

Stopping his tapping, Vaos made a note on a tablet in his hand. His own eyes were dispassionate and cold, and there was no trace of warmth about him at all...or any emotion really. "I assume you know why you've been brought in."

 

"I was detained due to the scuffle with the security guards on the Promenade. My companion had ... marginally… overreacted it would seem." Her purred tone was clipped and formal.

 

Blinking a few times, Vaos tipped his head ever so slightly. "Oh yes," he said sardonically. "That's it. A mere scuffle with Security..."

 

"...although I am sure you are planning some suitably more daring and dangerous reason for the arrest? What was that title again? Investigator?"

 

He didn't respond visually to anything she'd just said and simply looked back to his tablet. "I suppose we'll have to add that incident to your file." And he tapped again at the tablet with his stylus.

 

Left Ear picked up on the implied statement. "My record? I see. Would you care to enlighten me?" The Starfleet security officer was hedging, her tactical mind going at warp five.

 

"So what brought you and your companion," he looked down at the file again. "Atticus Idarin to Deep Space Nine?"

 

Atticus Idarin? This was totally one of those situations that she so needed to be someone else; her mind desperately latched onto the bio she had read of her counterpart. "Business. Mister...Idarin...is interested in my services for hauling some cargo."

 

"So you readily admit to collusion with him?" Inwardly, Vaos was more than a little shocked. This was going to be way easier than he thought. Usually people accused of terrorism were a hell of a lot harder to crack--especially a Caitian pirate.

 

An ear flipped back. Oh, I do not like this. "Collusion is a loaded word Investigator. I was merely feeling out prospective contacts. There was no contract signed with Mister Idarin as of yet..."

 

"Now you change your story," he said making a move to cut her off. "You were, after all, found with him on the Promenade and attempted to flee with him."

 

"All hell was breaking loose! What the frag was I supposed to do? And what exactly is on that little padd of yours?"

 

He made a note and continued his line of questioning. "So you admit to interest in Mister Idarin's inquiry for your services?"

 

The feline could continue to play act, making this man believe that she was a cargo runner of questionable practices, or betray the fact that she was an officer from another universe and Starfleet, and that a very large spaceship was hiding somewhere in this sector and would indeed be a large prize if it fell into the wrong hands. Decisions, decisions. "Business is business, and I go where the money is."

 

"I see," he said, making another note. "Even if it is illegal business...apparently."

 

She knew her pressure spiked. "I had not yet gotten into the details of what goods he wanted transported. What kind of illegal business?"

 

"Caitians," Vaos' tone of voice was dismissive and divisive. "The lot of you are worse than the Ferengi. You don't even care enough to do research on your 'clients'," the quotation marks were audible in his voice, "before you go running off with their Latinum." Shaking his head he made a few more noted. The disdain in his voice was real. He had little love or respect for mercenaries and cargo runners who made their living by shipping illegal goods, and didn't care in the slightest to bust them all in. Say one thing for rebels, at least they had an ethos beyond making money.

 

Left Ear was weary to the bone, but his dismissive tone got her ire up. With an effort she schooled her voice to remain calm. "I have no reason to be loyal to Mister Seg...Idarin. How can you be so sure of your facts?"

 

Suddenly his interest was perked. "Seg..." he said brightly.”Finish that thought."

 

Oh damn. Damn damn damn."No thoughts. Idarin just happens to resemble a Trill that I had done business with some years back. His name was Segamis, Segamor, or something like that. I can’t really recall the full details."

 

Had he managed to obtain a symbiot on the black market? This just got more interesting by the minute. He made a note on the file and looked back across at the still wet kitty. "I'll put this simply."

 

"Mister Idarin is a wanted and known terrorist. He was an enemy of the state and the Imperial Crown. I have enough evidence to suggest you were colluding with him to deliver who knows what. At the very least, that could result in your losing your cargo operating license, not to mention the fines and fees for your prior transgressions. I'd say that you're looking at best incarceration. Worst case scenario, the seizing of your ship and being tried for treason."

 

The shock on her face was palpable. Treason? Imperial? Incarceration? Losing of a transport license? Or rather, the other Left Ears loss of license. Great Bird of the Galaxy, she needed to think clearly. A salvation point - anything - was needed for her to latch onto. Her security training took over and pulled her back into the stark reality. She needed to survive. They all needed to survive. Weary green eyes latched onto the Investigator. "Mister Vaos...perhaps we can come to an understanding. I can perhaps assist with your witch hunt."

 

Vaos kept his inner sense of triumph from showing, but on the inside he was grinning from ear to ear. The look on the Caitain's face was enough to tell him she was throwing in the towel. Such was the case with most small time criminals and those caught up in the plots of others. Show them the worst things and they caved quickly.

 

And there it was...capitulation. It sounded so sweet to his hears that he almost ignored the witch hunt comment. Until it caught in his head. “Witch Hunt?" He said strongly, his cold eyes locking onto the kitty. "Witch hunt??"

 

"Idarin is a terrorist who has killed hundreds of Imperial civilians without remorse. He has disrupted the order of the Empire and is no doubt connected to rebels in the Cardassian sectors. Witch hunt..."

 

The Caitian would indeed cave...but she'd be damned if she gave into the fop easily. "Indeed sir. This is what I said. A witch hunt. And I gather this is how you came by your illustrious career as well - dealing with riff raff such as myself and Mister Idarin."

 

"So you are in league with him," he said with a sigh. "That changes everything. I was prepared to make you a deal, but I am afraid I can't offer that if you are a terrorist yourself. Such a pity really. It’s a shame your whole family will have to be brought in for questioning. They'll more than likely face the booth themselves. "

 

Even though it was not "her" family, the feline still felt a sympathetic pang. And then her temper flared. "I am sure you will do that. Get your kicks out of hurting woman and children do you Vaos?"

 

"Not at all. But if it saves the lives of innocent civilians...we do what we must."

 

The image of Vaos arresting the JoNs family popped unbidden into her mind, along with the man spotting the "real" Left Ear in this universe. A slow, un-amused smile spread across her muzzle. Now that would really tick him off.

 

He frowned. "I am afraid the nature of your incarceration has changed," he said making a note on the file. "You are being declared an enemy of the state and terrorist-at-large. You are being charged with attempt to commit treason and colluding with known traitors."

 

Clapping his hands armed guards enter the room and looked towards Vaos for orders, completely ignoring the Caitian. "Yes, sir?"

 

"I'm afraid that the kitty here won't be released into the custody of Colonel Kimura, but will be staying with me for the foreseeable future. I think a good boothing is in order to remind her of the price of disloyalty."

 

Now what in the heck was a boothing? The Caitian junior lieutenant suddenly blurted out, "Do you have a mirror Vaos?"

 

The question caught Vaos off guard. "What?"

 

A feral leer lit the felines face with a somewhat unholy light. " 'Beware the looking glass as you gaze, for it just might show you the entrance to the Nether World’ – it’s an old Caitian saying. And you wouldn’t last two minutes in that world, Investigator Vaos.”

 

Rolling his eyes he motioned for the guards to take her to the booth. "And next time...blow dry her before bringing her to me. Wet cat smells horrible."