"Women on the Edge"

[Lexia 0]

Joint Log

 

Colonel Harper

 

Dr. Lexia Tordai

 

 

She stepped into the turbolift, a woman on a mission, "Bridge." Lexia had waited a full 10 minutes to ensure that Driscol was well on his way wherever the hell he was going so as not to run into him, then she had stood and walked out of the Mess Hall. She had considered going to JoNs, but seeing as how well that discussion had gone last time she thought better. The lift stopped and she stepped out on the bridge. The stations were buzzing with activity and life seemed to be going on at a normal pace aboard the vessel. Life...that word hung on Lexia's mind like a leech clings to skin. She turned away from the life of the bridge and chimed the Ready Room door, intent on life of another.

 

Harper slowly became aware of the chime of the door, looking away from her contemplation of the warp-streaked stars. "Come," she called. Taking a sip of her coffee, she pulled a face; it had gone stone-cold while she stargazed and pondered.

 

Lexia walked through the door and stood in the Colonel's office. She waited for the Colonel to speak, unsure for once in her life how to start a conversation.

 

"Doctor," the colonel greeted her tiredly. Another problem cropping up; another voice demanding a hearing. "What can I do for you?"

 

Lexia opened her mouth, but her tone was not the normal harsh clip that it normally manifested as. "Colonel," Lexia said almost hushed. "I want to talk about Burne." She took a few steps forward.

 

"Somehow I'm not surprised." But she waved the ensign to a seat anyway. "What is it you'd like to bend my ear about?"

 

Lexia chose a seat where she could see out the viewport. She sat and looked out into the cosmos, seeming to contemplate the universe for a few long moments. When she spoke, she seemed not herself. "I know I do not have a reputation of tolerance or kindheartedness on this vessel," she began.

 

Harper nodded, putting the cold coffee aside and devoting her attention to the young doctor. She waited as patiently as someone who'd been awake too long could do.

 

"I cannot do it, Colonel." Lexia said after what seemed like an eternity. She turned to Harper, looking the other woman in the eyes. "I have been around death a lot...over the centuries I have become accustomed to it as a part of life...But I cannot watch this man die needlessly." Lexia shifted in her seat.

 

Testily, she replied, "Do you think I like it? It was bad enough when he and the others were taken. Marines don't leave people behind -- it's drilled into us early. And now we get him back, only not..." She shook her head. "Do you think I like it?" she repeated.

 

"We might be able to save him Colonel, all I am asking is a chance to try," Lexia countered, some of the fire coming back into her. "If that makes me a bleeding heart, so be it. But I cannot watch an innocent man die when I have not done everything I can to save him."

 

Harper sighed. "I've seen the proposal," she said. "It seems like a slim chance at best. Commander JoNs makes a valid point about mercy killing."

 

Lexia stood and took a few steps towards the door, then paused and turned to Harper. "Is that something you can live with? Turning down even the slightest chance to save one of your own?"

 

"Did I say I'd made that decision?" Exasperation was getting the better of her. It seemed lately that everyone wanted to believe the worst of her, as though Sin's joke about the Queen of Hearts had been prophetic. "I did give medical the go-ahead for further experimentation."

 

"You might want to tell that to Lt. JoNs before she shoots the men herself," Lexia snapped; nights of not sleeping and days and unrest had torn her edges.

 

"I trust the commander to follow procedure and orders," Harper snapped back. "Unlike other departments, hers has a history of compliance."

 

A thousand things went through Lexia's mind, about twenty of them nearly escaped before she reminded herself she was standing in the presence of her commanding officer. She caught the snap in Harpers voice that had been in her own. "Working well with others was never my strongest suit, sir," she started, not making an excuse but trying to explain, "I understand that I rub many people the wrong way." She sighed and for the briefest of a moment the fire in her eyes seemed to dim a bit; this virus had brought Lexia to the end of her rope for reasons she could not fully explain here and now. It was neither the time nor place.

 

"All I want is a chance," she finally concluded, the pleading in her voice stinging her tongue as if she had swallowed a bee. "Just a chance."

 

The colonel bit her tongue before another sarcastic retort could escape. She looked out at the warp trails again, feeling weary of these endless rounds of debate. "You have a chance, Doctor," she said quietly. "Go and use it, instead of arguing with me."

 

"Aye, sir," Lexia turned and left without another word.