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Charles Stone

Cupid People Do Cupid Things



"...Supreme fighter pilot ace of the world, here is your foamy beverage." said the fourth hottest woman of the top ten generally known and agreed upon by all sentient life from mold spores on up to, well, Charles himself (being the very pinnacle of evolution...*ahem*), established at the counsel Venustas of 2421 by a representative of every specie's race and gender."Thank you 4 of 10" turns back to the interviewer from Galactic Hot Pilots magazine. "So as I was saying, the difference between God and a fighter pilot, is that God doesn't think He is a fighter pilot!" Charles says to great effect.


Wiping tears from her eyes trying to regain her composure, the interviewer continues, "In addition to being the greatest pilot around, how are you able to find time to still take on spec ops covert work for the 139th Marine battalion?"


"Well, that's actually a secret I cant share. What I can share are some of the little funny cross-overs I have had where my excellence in piloting bump into my allegiance to the Corps. For example before I came to the 139th, I was flying back in the day on Terra and it was one of those air fields that had military fighters on one side and civvies on the other, with the control tower in the middle. I was radioed by the tower asking me what time my arrival was estimated."


"I asked the tower who wants to know? Which somewhat put them off, and the reply was 'What difference does it make?'"


"It makes a lot of difference" I replied, "If you are a civilian, it is 3 o'clock. If are in the Federation air force, it is 1500 hours. If you are in the Space Navy, it is 6 bells. If you are Army, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If you are a Marine, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour".


"That was of course before I became so magnificent..."


...dream world swirls, starts to spin... Gone is 4 of 10 and the interviewer. Gone also is the existence of the the Galactic Hot Pilots magazine and any article of Charles. Still further gone is all of his non-odor related rank, including the Ensign rank he must have dreamt he graduated the Academy with, the blasted pip also took two shiny gold attaboy stars from his wall with it (good riddance, grumble grumble), God still doesn't think He is a Fighter pilot but thats about where the similarities end between the dream and the reality now rearing its head...


"Dr. Stone?" said a decidedly not hot, non-female voice uncomfortably close to his face. Peeking out Charles sees that it is his old pal Eric.


...not dreaming


"Getoffmenow" slurred Charles in what he was pretty sure was a coherent sentence easily understood by all.


"Dr. Stone, are you back in the real world?" said the voice now identified as Eric


"You are an Engineer, what would you know of the real world? Your day consists of a series of cause and effects. Like 'Problem: Evidence of hydraulic leak on port landing gear, Solution: evidence removed.' Or 'Problem: Dead bugs on windshield Solution: Live bugs on order.' Then there is my favorite one so far, 'Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. Solution: Thats what they're there for.'" said a scornfully awake Charles pushing his pal off him.


Eric smiles knowing that Charles just doesn't adjust to things like Thursdays very well. "You were having 'The Dream' again weren't you? 'Oh supreme bestest guy in the world here are your slippers." mimes Eric in a Charles-like or 'Charleese' voice.


"Foamy beverage." corrects Charles




"Its a foamy beverage not my slippers. Those are brought by Nurse Tidesdale... Wait, what do you want? Why are you in my room?" Charles corrects sternly, sits up and pulls the blanket up to cover...well he's not sure what hes trying to cover.


"Do you know what day it is?" inquires Eric.


"Yes.....No....Maybe...Wait, what difference does it make?"


"Actually, it makes no difference whatsoever, since the only answer %100 correct is Today. No I'm here because it is getting dangerously close to Valentines day. The ol' V Day, and like every year in the past, you have no V-tine, which makes it a V-problem, and we should go and V-fix you up with Dan's sister." each instance of 'V' was accompanied by those annoying finger motions usually used to make air-quotes to punctuate when he is mis-quoting someone.


Charles has had about all he can of this and spits "V-get-the-heck-out-of-my-room-do-let-the-door-swoosh-you-on-the-butt-on-your-way-out-and-don't-set-me-up."


"Au contraire monfrair, that simply is not an option I'm able to wrap my simple little cause/effect mind around. Besides the last time V-day <insert those annoying finger gestures here> rolled around, you were deep in med school and didn't have time for anything besides studying. What was that valentine you sent out thinking you were so cool, because you had mastered the art of phraseograms? Hmm, oh ya "I want 2B the 1 4 U" or some such pathetic saying. This of course was before your self professed 'mastery' turned into a clever excuse for lazy writing and lax spelling/grammar." spouted Eric.


"Look, man the last letter I got from a girl was something to the effect of 'Aliens are coming to abduct all the good looking and sexy people. You will be safe, I'm just emailing to say goodbye.' Not much room there for mis-interpretation."


"Cupid people do Cupid things (to turn a phrase), don't ya know? Perhaps this year will be different. Lets go out."


"Look Eric, I still maintain that it is a mistake to think that you can solve any of life's major problems with either Chocolate or a potato." said Charles, contemplating for the umpteenth time how his life must be a dream life, but wondered whose its was and if they were enjoying it. "You are unbelievably annoying, do you know that?"


Eric smiles at that and says helpfully "Well, then I'll bring my annoyance down to a more believable level. Now lets go." Tosses Charles his favorite Vulcan robe, in quiet acquiescence to Charles' somewhat eclectic tastes in clothes, and overall disdain for others opinions of fashion.


"You know Eric, I don't think Valentines Day is the best day to pick up a woman." said Charles pulling on his Vulcan robe. "I mean I think its great to give a card or something, and can imagine it would be fun to plan something spectacular if you are already in a relationship, but come on, about a week before valentines day immediately to try and start a relationship of any kind? Seems kind of not my thing you know?"


"Charles, I think you have it wrong. I think we had the true spirit of Valentines Day way back in grade school. Remember how we used to have to invite every kid to our birthday parties and bring in Valentines Day cards for everyone?"


"Ya of course I do. That weird kid always used to show up and pick his nose, and follow my Mom around. I hated that stuff."


"You hated that stuff?"




"No you didn't. You didn't because you also got to invite the cutest girls over as well. The ones you would never talk to in a million years, well on those days you could under the comfortable layer of abstraction of I invited everyone. If you think about it, and to put it in a more fiscally responsible way you may better understand, the price of inviting Holly Hotty with no serious risk, was inviting Marty Mom follower. Not a bad bargain if you ask me."


"Ah, Eric, I'm pretty sure it is supposed to be for Husbands and Wives and Boyfriends and Girlfriends."


"Really? So you no longer enjoy a day or two out of the year where you can just ask anyone out or show some of your feelings and not fear a serious rejection? You have nothing more to gain by bringing in Valentine cards for all your co-workers in your Sick Bay, including Nurse Tidesdale? No interest in telling her how you think she is in the top 3 women in the known universe on the one day that if she doesn't share any of your feelings you and she can chalk it up to it was just a Valentines Day card, but if she feels any of the same things, perhaps it will serve as an icebreaker?"


Eric continues, handing Charles his belt, "How many times have you heard any guy or girl complain that they got a Valentines Day card? You can give me three nuggies for every one of those and I will give you one nuggy for every person who complained or felt bad silently or outspokenly that they didn't get one, and I bet you loose all your hair befor I do."


Charles sighs. "Enough already, lets go to the card store."

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