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Charles Stone

Ask Xenexian!

Dear Xenexian,


I have an elderly neighbor a few doors down and I hadnt seen her in a while. She lives alone, and mail and garbage started piling up outside her door. I knocked quietly once but there was no answer. For the first month or so I figured she was on vacation, but then I thought perhaps she was dead, and thought nothing further about it and helped myself to her magazines and interesting parcels, until, that is, about a week ago.


I couldnt sleep so I decided to take a stroll around the deck, maybe check some of Deck 13's famous Recreational Areas, when I saw her in a white shift further down the hall. I was so sure that she was dead that when I saw her I immediately thought she was a ghost, and this was my opportunity to make 'contact'. I snuck up and poked her with my finger.


Turns out she was solid after all, she had just turned a bit slobish.


My question is how do I continue to live next to her, when she now knows I have been rifiling her mail and reading her Tech Illustrated magazines before her, leaving some of my own trash there on her door step, didnt feel obligated in any way shape or form to call for help or really make any real effort to check on her well being.


I know long term she will die and like a doctor I will be able to burry my mistake, but how can I either speed this process up or deal with the awkwardness when I see her next?




Ghost-Busted on Deck 13

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Dear Ghost-Busted on Deck 13,


There are some worlds where 'easy' methods of ridding yourself of the neighborly nuisance would be quite acceptable, and, if she is as disagreeable as I am picking up on, encouraged by the greater community as a whole. However, since we technically are still in the Federation, and are thereby bound by their rules and regulations (foolish as they may seem to be), such options are not readily open to us.


There's always a very viable option, however, in the case of not-so-hauntings. Considering that the entire ship has become overrun with ghosts, erm, energy beings, one might always feign the same. As a ghost, she will likely fear you. I recommend adopting some of the normal ghostly attributes -- rising and making loud crashes in the middle of the night, throwing things around, and even using holographic generators to make glow-in-the-dark ethereals. You want to be known as a noisy, loud, disruptive poltergeist that she will want to move away from. Then, awkward encounters will be avoided, and you won't have to worry about your not-ghost.


The eternal source of Agincourtian wisdom,


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